Being told that as a size 18 I can’t wear certain clothes

[isaidmaybeyoure]

I do appreciate that when posting canvassing for opinions on outfits etc., you will get all sorts of responses.

But I have been told a few times now that as a size 18, I should cover up and not expose too much skin, basically purely because of my size.

AIBU to think this isn’t okay? I have as much a right to get my shoulders out as any other size!

I don't think a single person in this world would look better fat or obese or 'large' than a normal healthy weight. Maybe they look ill if they lose too much weight but a healthy size 8 or 10 is going to look better than an obese person. This type of comment is just so unrealistic and probably comes from projection. Fat tummy's and wobbly skin and neck rolls aren't ever going to look 'better' than a healthy weight and that sort of rhetoric should not be shared. Being obese isn't to be glorified just as being underweight isn't.

Back to the original OP, I'd never comment on what someone wears unsolicited and I wouldn't give it much thought. However, if someone asked me my opinion I'd be honest. And I would probably say anything too revealing or 'fleshy' (ew) on an overweight person may not be the most attractive look but that's about it. There's clothes that healthy and smaller people wear which I have the same thoughts of.

If you asked for their opinion, you can't moan about their response, as long as there was no malice or name calling etc

Totally agree. And hurtful comments are unnecessary. However if someone stated the dress didn’t suit you, that’s not a hurtful comment because not every piece of clothing will. It’s shouldn’t be down to size or the amount of flesh on show. It’s purely whether it suits you or not.

I'd avoid asking their opinions on those forums, then!

It’s funny you think a size 18 has “neck rolls” 🤣

Of course making comments on weight that can't be changed is unreasonable. However commenting on the outfit that doesn't do the persons body any favours, due to the weight, I don't think is unreasonable. I can see how the two can feel intertwined though

Take care posting on SM including Mumsnet if negative comments might hurt you. There's almost always someone who feels the need to put the boot in, whatever the subject.
I am a similar size to you and prefer to cover my upper arms and thighs but that's my choice. Yours may be different which is fine. Also your shape may mean you look good in shorts which I really don't. But I would wear them for practical reasons if necessary. There's no 'right way'.

Huh? I didn't say you / size 18. I was replying to a previous poster, that bit wasn't relevant to you at all..

Ah ok if the dress is high enough at the back & sides to hide a strapless bra then boobs are sorted

I'm a size 26 and have analysed this kind of thing. The trouble is that a large amount of visible flesh on a woman is viewed as an obscenity. My arms pre surgery were the size of some women's torsos - I have lipoedema. To say I am disgusting and should be covered up is a type of ableism. Bodies are different. Women with large bodies deserve to be comfortable too.

Some multiway bras are good with halternecks, depending on the dress and the strap hook placement on the bra. The also give better support and eliminate creating a lumpy effect or the worry of the bra falling down!

You wear what you want love. Stuff everyone else not your problem.

In my experience, the people who think they are style experts usually have no innate style themselves, but slavishly follow the latest fashion trends.

How sad for them! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve tried a couple, including one of the stick on ones that just made my boobs look a mess!

I would be around the same size and no way could I wear a halter neck . Big boobs and they would be spilling out the sides, over the top , and maybe hanging down too. No bra I have ever had would make this a flattering look . But what do you care about a random stranger online thinks ? If you think it's OK , flattering, comfortable you go right ahead . But be realistic too

Why pay attention to strangers online? They don't know you, or what you look like.

I know but they are soooo comfortable ha ha

Wear things you feel comfortable in, whatever that means for you. That's it, that's the rule. There will always be someone who will tell you you are too big. There are also people who will tell others that they are, variously, too skinny, too flat-chested, too big-busted, too old, too tall or whatever to "wear that". Fuck 'em.

I actually took one of my regular (sort of pushup) bras and cut the straps off. It works perfectly as a strapless in a way the ones sold as strapless never seem to.

YABU. If the item of clothing isn't available in size 18 then you can't wear it.
Otherwise, YANBU, wear what you like and don't post asking if as a size 18 can you wear it.

So now you know what some people think. You dont have to listen.

So you're not having comments personally directed at you?

Style advice is there to be taken or left as you choose.

I try to stick to a colour palette that's flattering on me and dress for my shape.

I also ignore rules about what women over 35 should and shouldn't wear and will never stop wearing pigtails and full skirts.

If you feel good in a halterneck dress then go for it. Style advise is to inform you that those styles can make large shoulders and big breasts look bigger, but if that's not something you feel insecure about then go for it. Personally, I rarely wear a halterneck as I need a supportive bra and that shape tends to mould my breasts into one big lump.

There are clothes that don’t suit a size 10. In fact my very slim and fit friend was wearing a sleeveless dress and I thought her arms looked too scrawny (we are in our 60s). But so what?
I won’t wear sleeveless tops as I don’t like how my arms look. But do I have the ‘right’ to wear them? Sure. No one should police what others wear (except for decency - a city or town is not the place for beach wear). But if you ask ‘do I look good in this’ then you are inviting comment, and some may tell you what they don’t find attractive- and this is true for super skinny people like the Osbournes.

I think the key to internet use is to minimise emotional engagement with strangers who have been hurtful.

To be fair, the OP asked which style of dress was suitable for the occasion she was going to. She didn't mention her size. Another poster decided that her size was relevant. I don't think it is. The OP had already made her decision on the options - she was happy wearing either.

Why on earth would she want that? If I ask do you like this dress I’m not asking for you to critique my body. Just say if you like the dress on not