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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being told that as a size 18 I can’t wear certain clothes

537 replies

isaidmaybeyoure · 06/07/2026 11:09

I do appreciate that when posting canvassing for opinions on outfits etc., you will get all sorts of responses.

But I have been told a few times now that as a size 18, I should cover up and not expose too much skin, basically purely because of my size.

AIBU to think this isn’t okay? I have as much a right to get my shoulders out as any other size!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
Calliopespa · Yesterday 14:28

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 14:19

Oh cmon, that thread was a walking holiday she agreed to and thought she could do, and the steps were predominantly less than the daily min of 10k, It was a bloody walking holiday she proactively agreed to. You write this like he was some abusive twat forcing her, and thay wasn’t the case at all/

Yes, and when she got there she couldn't manage.

And 10,000 isn't a minimum, it's a goal. In fact, cardiovascular health becomes threatened at less than 2,300 a day, and even if aiming for 10,000, it doesn't need to be achieved every day, even on holiday in the heat.

I'm perfectly healthy in terms of cardiovascular health and BMI and I wouldn't have been wanting to do that in Lisbon in summer.

Anyway, I'm not going to debate the ins and outs further on a different thread but the point was the emphasis became all about her weight, rather than the circumstances - which were that she was sore and not wanting to walk.

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 14:32

Calliopespa · Yesterday 14:28

Yes, and when she got there she couldn't manage.

And 10,000 isn't a minimum, it's a goal. In fact, cardiovascular health becomes threatened at less than 2,300 a day, and even if aiming for 10,000, it doesn't need to be achieved every day, even on holiday in the heat.

I'm perfectly healthy in terms of cardiovascular health and BMI and I wouldn't have been wanting to do that in Lisbon in summer.

Anyway, I'm not going to debate the ins and outs further on a different thread but the point was the emphasis became all about her weight, rather than the circumstances - which were that she was sore and not wanting to walk.

For gods sake argue it on that thread.

AlcoholicAntibiotic · Yesterday 14:41

I don't see this asking for advice on S&B as being any different.
It is downright ridiculous not to take into account somebody's size when selecting a dress for them.
A size 18 person is usually carrying too much fat than is good for them.
That's just a fact.

All the dresses OP suggested were capable of looking perfectly fine on a size 18. As demonstrated by the model wearing one of them (the dress wasn’t to my taste, but that wasn’t to do with the model’s size). She was asking which was most appropriate for a wedding. It was completely possible to comment on that without mentioning (or knowing) her size.

And even if a size 18 is “usually carrying too much fat”, why does that make a difference to whether they want to wear what they consider nice clothing?

Unsolicited comments about size are just mean.

QuintadosMalvados · Yesterday 15:10

AlcoholicAntibiotic · Yesterday 14:41

I don't see this asking for advice on S&B as being any different.
It is downright ridiculous not to take into account somebody's size when selecting a dress for them.
A size 18 person is usually carrying too much fat than is good for them.
That's just a fact.

All the dresses OP suggested were capable of looking perfectly fine on a size 18. As demonstrated by the model wearing one of them (the dress wasn’t to my taste, but that wasn’t to do with the model’s size). She was asking which was most appropriate for a wedding. It was completely possible to comment on that without mentioning (or knowing) her size.

And even if a size 18 is “usually carrying too much fat”, why does that make a difference to whether they want to wear what they consider nice clothing?

Unsolicited comments about size are just mean.

I don't understand this.

If she liked the dress, why ask others opinion on it?
She likes it. Why does anybody else's opinion matter?

She may have only asked S&B about whether it's suitable for a particular event however it's unreasonable to ask them not to comment on other things that may matter like somebody's size as it makes a difference to how the dress appears.

And after all she has positively asked for an external opinion!

The overall goal is not just to find a dress for the occasion but to find one that suits the OP's shape.
Most of the comments here get that.

Anyway, why ask others opinions if all you're going to do is effectively shout 'snot fair' when they give them?

Just the title of this thread is misleading: like feck did anybody tell her she can't wear a dress.

JustPassingTime · Yesterday 15:12

Holidaymodeon · Yesterday 13:30

I came here to say this. Sounds the same and the pic in the b&w dress reminds me of the home made work tee studio shoot

tee hee that thread was so funny!!

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 15:24

AlcoholicAntibiotic · Yesterday 14:41

I don't see this asking for advice on S&B as being any different.
It is downright ridiculous not to take into account somebody's size when selecting a dress for them.
A size 18 person is usually carrying too much fat than is good for them.
That's just a fact.

All the dresses OP suggested were capable of looking perfectly fine on a size 18. As demonstrated by the model wearing one of them (the dress wasn’t to my taste, but that wasn’t to do with the model’s size). She was asking which was most appropriate for a wedding. It was completely possible to comment on that without mentioning (or knowing) her size.

And even if a size 18 is “usually carrying too much fat”, why does that make a difference to whether they want to wear what they consider nice clothing?

Unsolicited comments about size are just mean.

I don’t get posters like you trying ro control threads like this, demanding people only answer the question posed. It’s a chat forum. You don’t like tne way posters meander in conversation then move on. The objective is not just is the dress suitable irrelevant of if it works for your shape, but people were advising if it also worked for the ops shape. And arguing it looks fine on a model so must 0n the op is insane.

ruethewhirl · Yesterday 16:48

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 14:19

Oh cmon, that thread was a walking holiday she agreed to and thought she could do, and the steps were predominantly less than the daily min of 10k, It was a bloody walking holiday she proactively agreed to. You write this like he was some abusive twat forcing her, and thay wasn’t the case at all/

As a pp said, 10k isn’t a ’minimum’. Different people can manage different amounts of exercise.

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 16:52

ruethewhirl · Yesterday 16:48

As a pp said, 10k isn’t a ’minimum’. Different people can manage different amounts of exercise.

No but it’s hardly a huge amount on what was a walking holiday she agreed to and spread out throughout the day.

walkingmyway · Yesterday 17:23

QuintadosMalvados · Yesterday 13:09

I disagree.
I don't know about the other thread and indeed making somebody walk in this heat does sound harsh and nasty.
Nevertheless its not good at all to be fat.

The thing is, though, context is everything.

I wouldn't dream of telling somebody an item of clothing didn't suit them when they were actually wearing it.
Just the other day I saw an extremely overweight woman wearing a skintight dress. She didn't look good, there's no getting away from it.

There's no way I'd say anything, though.
I don't know her story and I don't want to piss on her parade.

Nor would I pass comment on somebody's weight without being asked what I thought about it by them.
It's rude and frankly if they're overweight they must know this anyway.

But if they come here asking for advice on what to wear it is obvious that people are going to take their size into account.
It's going to be a factor that's taken into account.

Size 24 and skintight dress? Let's be honest it's not the best choice.

I really don't get why this is such an issue.
I see no cruelty on this thread.
Just honesty.

I don’t think it’s about size, what you look good in

i am a size 18 at 5ft 11 and look different to OP as she is shorter
I carry my weight on my boobs and not on my lower half as well

someone pear shaped could get away maybe with a strapless bra and thin straps/halterneck. Strapless bras don’t exist in my size so I know I can’t wear anything you can’t fit a full bra under!

LaterCheck · Yesterday 18:40

Sartre · 07/07/2026 11:48

I think it’s this woman. Size 8 and 5 ft 10- apparently overweight? Mumsnet is mad.

Nobody said this woman is overweight.

People not reading threads properly is what is mad.

Calliopespa · Yesterday 19:58

Wickedlittledancer · Yesterday 16:52

No but it’s hardly a huge amount on what was a walking holiday she agreed to and spread out throughout the day.

Why are you calling it a walking holiday?

It was a city break. Yes, often you walk a fair bit on a city break, but with a view to exploring the city. It's not as though they were walking the coastline in Liguria or the great Wall of China. The occasional tram or taxi was hardly devastatingly disappointing if someone was struggling in the heat.

Holidaymodeon · Yesterday 20:07

JustPassingTime · Yesterday 15:12

tee hee that thread was so funny!!

Poor op rage baited herself

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