Being told that as a size 18 I can’t wear certain clothes

[isaidmaybeyoure]

I do appreciate that when posting canvassing for opinions on outfits etc., you will get all sorts of responses.

But I have been told a few times now that as a size 18, I should cover up and not expose too much skin, basically purely because of my size.

AIBU to think this isn’t okay? I have as much a right to get my shoulders out as any other size!

It can depend on how the dress sizes too - sometimes in larger sizes it can be too much flesh, just in proportion to the dress so it gets lost. Another halter neck could be perfect for someone your size.

I am smaller but there’s plenty things I don’t wear because it looks awful on my body type. For example I don’t wear any bottoms that aren’t high waisted, and never with a crop top as I’d have too much flesh on show for a size 8 because I don’t have a toned tummy - it just doesn’t look good. Like Carys Whittaker says, there’s no such thing as wrong body, it’s the wrong clothes.

What is it with women and arms. I saw a beautiful woman in her 80s at my gym reception (its in a fancy hotel) the other day. She was meeting all her friends after their session. She was in the most beautiful floaty dress and she looked utterly radiant. I told her how gorgeous she looked and she said to me, in hushed tones, 'I know I shouldn't wear bare arms at my age, but I just loved it!'. I told her not to be so daft, but it got me thinking how sad that is. How at a certain age we arent supposed to have our arms out. Why? I mean she was 80, theres no hiding that, but why are we supposed to hide our aging arms? I do it myself, Im 50 and I dont wear sleeveless cos of chunky arms and Im a size 10. Its bonkers isnt it. Pissed me right off tbh and made me think Im gonna have a word with myself.

Wear the halterneck dress OP.

@isaidmaybeyoure I was at a wedding recently and a 75 yo had a halter neck on. She was a size 10, but looked ridiculous in it. The style of dress was just too young for her.

Without seeing you in the dress, I can only assume the comments came from the style of dress not suiting your size, therefore it highlighted the amount of flesh on show.

As I said it’s picking the right outfit that suits your frame, age and setting that matters.

Halter necks rarely suit anyone!

Different clothing styles suit different body sizes and shapes. If you asked a stylist should you wear a halter neck at size 18, they would undoubtedly say ‘no’.
That’s all people are saying.
If you want to wear it regardless, go for it! But it won’t be the most flattering choice you could make.

Hold on a minute @isaidmaybeyoure this is exactly what I'm talking about earlier in the thread!

There is no such thing as "overweight" any more because the majority in the UK has become the militant majority and no one wants to talk about facts any more.

You're browbeating people into thinking what you want them to think, because you know many on here won't want to offend you about weight (and I'm glad people aren't being that way! I don't tolerate it).

However I will also not be told that the model in dress 2 "doesn't look overweight at all 😂" and expect this to be taken as gospel - and that I have to agree with you to keep the peace.

Like I said, the goalposts have moved so stridently and massively to something else now. It has now got to the point where people actively criticise me for being in normal BMI range and a size 10 at my age, and taking part in physical activity. I get snide comments a couple of times a month for it. I'm sure there's a coterie of tiny violins playing somewhere. I'm fine with that.

What I am saying is, there's no objective standard to talk about this stuff any more. I'm so happy for the model in dress 2 because she looks fabulous, as I'm sure you would also look fabulous in this same dress. .

It is not just about your size it’s your shape etc as well. You might look better than someone else in a halter neck dress , who is a smaller dress size than you . There is no blanket rule I think , it’s all about dressing in things that flatter your body shape and feel good to you . If you feel good ignore the comments .

Just wear whatever you feel comfortable in. People will always have opinions. When I was a size 6 and flat chested I was told I couldn't wear a boob tube because I had nothing to hold it up with. When I'd just had a baby someone told me I should wear A line dresses to hide my gut. Recently I was told I'm too old to wear a skirt above the knee. I just nod and smile and wear what i want 🙃

I have the opposite issue. Slim hourglass but with massive norkage. Sizing seems to think that isnt possible as a body type. Drives me mental. If it fits on the waist in never fits on the tits, and vice versa.

Oh for the love of god, please don’t pay ANY attention to anyone on here. I’m astounded at some of the utter crap on this board, most of the outfits/ideas/shoes posted on here are utterly hideous. Style and Beauty is a complete misnomer

if you want advice, you’re better off asking ChatGPT for input.

Dont ask people for their opinions, seriously. If you ask, you’ll get answers back.

My H is quite conservative when it comes to thoughts on my dress sense, I’ve lost huge amounts of weight and am navigating a whole new wardrobe. Originally I asked him, now I don’t.

dress in things that you think enhance you, that make you feel good. find your own confidence and stop worrying what others think.

Clothes wouldn’t be made in a size 18 if you were not supposed to wear them! Joking aside - wear what you want. Give zero fucks.

OP, you're concentrating on the very few comments about your body/weight. Nearly all posters commented on whether they thought the dress was suitable for a wedding or not (I thought it very much was) which I think was the point.
In your first post I thought you meant that people in real life were commenting. Why give a very few people on anonymous sites so much thought?

There are some very rude posters on Mumsnet, on very many topics. Some probably are in real life too, others are just brave behind a screen. Look at all the positive, helpful and kind posts and ignore the others. They're not worth it.

No, it can also affect the arms: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/lipoedema/

It shouldn’t be a matter of “can’t” but of course, different clothes look best on different shapes.

im quite thin after having lost a lot of weight some years ago. My style has had to change as my old clothes, even in smaller sizing, look unflattering. Meanwhile, I can now wear other stuff I wouldn’t have before

If you ask for opinions, you will get them.

Do you honestly believe the model is a healthy weight? Honestly?

As a pp said, it’s her business, but if you really can’t see what is in front of you, I don’t think you will ever be ok with anyone’s opinion that doesn’t match yours.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. People don’t get to decide how much skin someone is ‘allowed’ to show based on their dress size. That’s just other people’s insecurities talking.

A size 18 (I'm an 18) has exactly the same right to wear strappy tops, shoulder‑bearing dresses, and anything else as a size 8. Bodies don’t suddenly become ‘offensive’ because they’re bigger.

Unless you are exceptionally lucky, no-woman has a picture perfect shape whether a size 4 or 26. I have a friend who is a size 24 but has an hour glass figure and looks stunning in a halterneck dress because of her shape and stunning skin. No she isn't slim, but she is stunningly volumptuous and very womanly in a feminine (not sexual) way. She is naturally attractive and her confidence oozes out. And if you can't guess I am quite jealous of her self confidence.

If you like the outfit and feel good in it, wear it. The people telling you to cover up are the ones who need to rethink their attitudes, not you. My favourite answer is "you do you and I'll do me"!

FWIW, this is the dress I’ve ended up going for, I’ve also attached a picture of my body. I’m aware my arms are slightly loose, but that’s due to weight loss

What model? There's no pictures on this thread.

Do whatever you want. But people are allowed their opinions and they’re allowed to voice them whether you like it or not.

And if you feel confident wearing it, that’s great.

people make all sorts of rules for themselves for this kind of stuff and expect other people to follow them 🤷🏽‍♀️ I like your rule, “wear what you want”.

Yes. I do. I think as a society we need to stop placing so much value on the number on a scale and more on the actual person.

In my life I have been too young to wear, too thin to wear, too pregnant to wear, too much of a mother to wear, too out of shape to wear and now I’m too old to wear…

At some point I’ve realised I really don’t care what other people think and I now wear whatever I want. It’s very liberating!

I suppose it all depends on whether the clothing is appropriate to the occasion and weather and what image you want to project.

I wore crocs (and trousers) to Buckingham Palace garden party.
I did polish them for the occasion!
The elegant ladies in their stilletoes looked most uncomfortable after walking round on their tiptoes for a couple of hours trying to stop their heels from sinking into the grass.

The model is overweight. It’s not about placing value on the number on the scale. Of course the person matters.

To pretend that people aren’t overweight isn’t good though. We need to place more value on being realistic about weight and how it impacts our health. Having excess fat is not good. The model is overweight, that is fact, not opinion.