Being told that as a size 18 I can’t wear certain clothes

[isaidmaybeyoure]

I do appreciate that when posting canvassing for opinions on outfits etc., you will get all sorts of responses.

But I have been told a few times now that as a size 18, I should cover up and not expose too much skin, basically purely because of my size.

AIBU to think this isn’t okay? I have as much a right to get my shoulders out as any other size!

I'll just let you mull on it.

Very inelegantly expressed but I got it (eventually).

I can’t get my head round so many people not reading the thread, rushing in elbows out to scream a size 8 woman isn’t fat. wtf would think she was. It’s clearly the wrong woman they are looking at.

ar least six times now folks have corrected and said no it’s the sixe 18 model in the colourful dress, and still they rush in shouting abuse.

If it's over 27 degrees then I will go out in a very short skirt and tight top because I'm thin, 23 and pretty but I honestly don't think anyone size 18 could get the same reception, that's just a sad fact of life. I used to be quite fat, about a size 14/16 and i used to wear very baggy clothes even in summer. Men wouldn't look my way.

It’s really quite sad it’s all about men for you.

Well done on apparently having perfected your body and face. It might be time to do some work on your character, though.

Clever, clever.

This OP just seems to be purposely goading people into an argument to be offended by.

Out of curiosity, is this the same OP who posted recently about being told they couldn't have sleeveless tops at work?

Validation. Something like: 'Those horrible posters who told you what they thought when you asked them are wrong' etc.

Only most mumsnetters have the common sense to think that people should not ask questions they might not like the answer to.

I think that the thread itself is quite manipulative because of course she can wear what she wants, of course nobody (well not me for certain and I suspect most other people) will give her unsolicited advice on how she looks. Of course nobody's going to arrest her for her clothing choices.

None of that mean the dress will suit her though. Or that others won't have an opinion on it.
And to be honest how good a piece of clothing looks very much depends on who's wearing it.
I think that's just reality.

Agreed. A colleague obviously bought some wide legged trousers having seen her line manager in them. The colleague is a petite size 8. Her line manager is a petite size 18. The size 18 lady rocked those trousers and the size 8 lady just looked awful. I did not voice this opinion, obviously, as it’s not for me to do so.

Saw the size 8 lady today in a short white broderie anglaise dress and she looked fabulous. I doubt it would look as amazing on her line manager.

Not really, of course it makes a difference saying a size 8 woman looks overweight v a size 18 one.

This is a total twist of what actually happened.

The OP simply didn't mention her size initially. She asked about the style of a dress with certain bag and shoes for a particular occasion.

Her shape and size only came up because most of the sizes were out of stock and she confirmed she needed the 18, which was in stock.

Thereupon followed a comment about how if she is that "large" she really should not consider a halter-neck as too much if her flesh would be on display, given her size.

At that point - and that point only - the op posted in dismay about people telling her she couldn't wear certain styles because of her size.

I agree with her: she didn't ask for comment on it. Why should she get it.

The thread then got derailed by a slew of posters quibbling over which of several photos it was that people were saying looked overweight, and then attacking posters for not knowing which of several photos was actually being discussed - as if that even made a difference to the real point which was why should people feel entitled to offer negative commentary about a women's size when she hadn't even asked for it. It really was quite beside the point which photo it was, and whether people thought it was of an overweight model or not.

So she absolutely was not manipulative.

It rubs salt into the wound that not only should she have her body negatively commented upon, she is then called manipulative for something she didn't even do.

Too many people with too many big mouths.

Oh cmon, it was one comment that has been repeated ad Naseam now. Most comments were supportive.

Well in the opening post she does make reference to the fact she's a size 18.
And all this 'can't' wear it is nonsense, of course she can wear what she likes.

The point is why ask people about clothes choices if you don't want their opinion.

She may not have immediately disclosed her size in the thread but she did eventually do so and others took that new info into account.

I don't know what to say, it's blatantly obvious that people are going to take into account body size etc when deciding if a piece of clothing is going to suit the proposed wearer.

That's just obvious.

You're just telling it like it is. Make the most of it. Time goes so quickly.

Of course it's natural at your age to want to attract guys.

I honestly don’t think I have ever seen so many offensive posts in one thread.

100 percent. I have found this thread to be shocking in the extreme. Comments on the OP’s original post were bad enough.

Honestly I envy your life where a few comments on a size 18 being fat and covering up is shocking to you in the extreme. Lucky you.

I agree.
I'm shocked that anyone's shocked by it.

I would never go up to a woman and tell her dress doesn't suit her.
Indeed a relative wore a really inappropriate dress that really was unflattering to her shape to a family event recently. Showed every bulge.

I wasn't going to piss on her parade by telling her it was unsuitable. She seemed happy enough in it.
I'm not a cruel person.

If, however, she'd sought my opinion beforehand I'd have said 'are you sure?'

I don't see this asking for advice on S&B as being any different.
It is downright ridiculous not to take into account somebody's size when selecting a dress for them.

A size 18 person is usually carrying too much fat than is good for them.
That's just a fact.

Think back on what you just said.

Doesn’t mean that I haven’t come across other things in life that are shocking. But on a site like MN, for women to be this offensive to each other should shock us all . If you think that speaking to other women like this is the norm, then there is something very wrong with you .

Some people like the excuse to hit out and be nasty.

There is a similar vibe on a thread about a DP who wanted an overweight woman to walk thousands of steps each day in the heat.

Posters don't focus on the interaction aspects, such as compromise, empathy, controlling behaviour, selfishness - or even the extreme heat.

Instead, there is a core who go straight into "I can walk this many steps, my BMI is this, if I were your DP I'd be judging you for being fat. It's on you."

Weight threads seem to bring this out because - rightly - as a society we have pushed back on the acceptability of other sorts of negative comment about superficial aspects and differences such as colour, race, disability, sexual orientation - even class is a bit touche to get too stuck in.

But someone being overweight is a glorious outlet for these types. They grab a "cover excuse" ("think of the NHS" or "well she asked: it's NECESSARY on a style thread to pass judgement") and away they go...

I disagree.
I don't know about the other thread and indeed making somebody walk in this heat does sound harsh and nasty.
Nevertheless its not good at all to be fat.

The thing is, though, context is everything.

I wouldn't dream of telling somebody an item of clothing didn't suit them when they were actually wearing it.
Just the other day I saw an extremely overweight woman wearing a skintight dress. She didn't look good, there's no getting away from it.

There's no way I'd say anything, though.
I don't know her story and I don't want to piss on her parade.

Nor would I pass comment on somebody's weight without being asked what I thought about it by them.
It's rude and frankly if they're overweight they must know this anyway.

But if they come here asking for advice on what to wear it is obvious that people are going to take their size into account.
It's going to be a factor that's taken into account.

Size 24 and skintight dress? Let's be honest it's not the best choice.

I really don't get why this is such an issue.
I see no cruelty on this thread.
Just honesty.

I came here to say this. Sounds the same and the pic in the b&w dress reminds me of the home made work tee studio shoot

Who would say that? It’s up to you what you wear - whatever makes you feel good. I do occasionally see someone wearing a pair of leggings or shorts that shows their cellulite and think “do they realise how that looks” ? But I wouldn’t dream of saying anything. I wouldn’t wear something like that though.

Oh cmon, that thread was a walking holiday she agreed to and thought she could do, and the steps were predominantly less than the daily min of 10k, It was a bloody walking holiday she proactively agreed to. You write this like he was some abusive twat forcing her, and thay wasn’t the case at all/