AIBU to think DH overreacted to a bedtime joke?

[Reallyneedadvicesosad]

DH was out this evening at a meeting. I let the children stay up late - 15 mins past their bedtime watching a film. Let’s face it, we’re so close to the end of term, they are early secondary school and are very good kids tbh so it didn’t feel like a biggie (to me).

When DH arrived home, I thought it would be funny for them to comically scamper upstairs (in full view), then come down again pretending he had woken them up (with OTT yawning). It was very clearly lighthearted. It was entirely my idea.

DH did not find it funny AT ALL and berated the children. I held my hands up (literally, immediately) and said I was sorry, it was all my idea: I had encouraged them and thought it would make him laugh …but he was still exceptionally pissed off and continued to tell them off. Both children went to bed pretty upset.

Wtaf? Hand on heart, I kept saying it was my fault and he mustn’t blame the kids. He is enraged with all of us. I am so confused.

It was a lame ‘joke’. He maybe came in thinking the kids were playing up and responded accordingly. Once triggered it’s hard for some to deescalate. Sorry, but didn’t find it funny either and that’s on you. Him being OTT on him. Feel for the kids.

You don’t take your bad mood out on others, especially your children (and make them cry!). I wouldn’t let that go.

OP why bother asking when you’ve already decided DH was a fun sponge, those who think YABU don’t understand, that it was larking about and within family context normal etc. If you want corroboration not genuine alternative views (that are just dismissed), don’t ask.

Becoming enraged and berating children to the point of tears is a completely unreasonable over reaction to this situation.

It doesn't matter if he found the joke funny, or not. Not the point.

It doesn't justify it per se, but it does explain it.

Whether or not you find the joke funny (I don't personally), most adults would recognise that the time for "larking around" isn't when your partner is walking through the door at 9.15pm after a day at work.

I agree her husband's behaviour was completely unacceptable and he owes his wife and children a big apology, but OP seems to be pinning this on him being a "fun sponge" when this was an ill timed (and not that funny) joke.

I can totally appreciate it if he was tired and grumpy and didn’t see the funny side of it but he absolutely shouldn’t have continued to tell the kids off once you’d explained it was your idea. It’s sad to think the kids had had a nice evening and then went to bed upset. I’d be telling him he owes them an apology.

you are unreasonable to have a 9pm bedtime for kids in secondary school!

I can definitely see this playing out as a ‘Fast Show’ sketch where Colin Hunt and his family play madcap hilarious japes with each other and then one time it lands wrong and Colin absolutely loses his shit.

Why on earth would that make him angry? Even if he didn't think it was funny that's a weird response. He can't control his emotions around his children?

Have some pp missed the OPs post where she said it wasn’t a work meeting, and he never works late? What’s with the “oh the little woman who must stay at home doesn’t understand the big man’s long working day” nonsense? Should she be expected to be preparing his pipe and slippers next, and popping on some red lippy before he comes in?

So if it wasn’t a work meeting, it’s likely something that he chose to go to, ergo probably enjoys, so doesn’t even have the Man Work, Man Grumpy excuse to hide behind for making his kids cry over a joke.

Admittedly, I don’t really “get” the joke either, but a normal response would be to say, ‘what the heck are you two numpties up to?’, not lose his shit, even after he’s been told it was the OPs “fault” and idea. He sounds like an angry little man who has an inability to control his temper.

It wasn't a work meeting, but presumably DH had been out of the house since he left for work in the morning and the word "meeting" doesn't exactly imply that whatever he was doing that evening was fun. Or maybe it was. Perhaps if @Reallyneedadvicesosad shares what this evening meeting was about it might provide a bit more context as to why DH was in a "foul mood"?

Should she be expected to be preparing his pipe and slippers next, and popping on some red lippy before he comes in?

That's a straw man. Nobody is saying wives should wait on their husbands. People are saying that surprising someone who's just got home from a long day at 9pm may not get the reaction you hoped for, regardless of whether it's the husband or the wife coming home. Timing isn't the same thing as endorsing 1950s gender roles.

Yeah, loads. She plays hockey after school on a Monday (4-5.30), drama group on a Wednesday (4.30-7.30), football training on a Thursday (6.30-8) and singing lesson 5-6 on a Friday.

Oh early stuff. Mine did guides Wed at 8-9. Atc Tues/thurs 7.30 till 9.30 and church youth club fri 7.30 till 9.

Or take five before you enter and make sure you contribute positively to the family atmosphere?

He sounds like a miserable guy

Sounds like some posters don’t think he has the right to feel how he feels. He does.

As for the children, they aren’t little and it is a good life lesson to learn that playing pranks on people is only funny if they also find it so.

Presumably he didn’t have chance as the children were scampering about as soon as he came in

Well they’re just the activities she wants to do and that’s the time they’re at. We didn’t deliberately choose early ones. She’s never shown any interest in Guides or Atc so not an issue. If she wanted to go to a Friday night church youth club then she could of course, but she doesn’t.

You should be able to go in your own bloody house and have a cup of tea without being bombards with silliness

Fair enough. As long as she's not stopped from doing stuff because it finishes at half 9

Like I said, it’s not an imposed bedtime, she chooses to go to bed at 9 so she has enough sleep. She’s never been stopped from doing any activity she wants to do.

I HATE it when adults take their shitty mood out on kids.

He has a lot of making up to do imo OP.

This would make me rethink a lot tbh.

The joke being funny or not (and clearly it is the sort of thing this family does) is neither here nor there. He would have understood it was meant to be and he could have feigned a hahaha and just gone along with it..

If there is a strict bedtime, that is led by him, then I suspect there is more going on in this family's dynamic.

I have a 12 year old and 15 mins past our 'bedtime' wouldn't even register.

Tbf it probably wouldn’t have registered (or at least he may have been less bothered) without the OP instigating this huge performance.

I agree with the posters who are sympathetic with your DH. It's not the time for a prank and is highly annoying.

Although I also don't understand why you didn't shoo them straight to bed as soon as you realised he was grumpy, rather than letting them hang around to be annoying and further berated?

Don't get the joke and I bet he has had a long day in the heat.
Having said that bit of over reaction.