AIBU to think DH overreacted to a bedtime joke?

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DH was out this evening at a meeting. I let the children stay up late - 15 mins past their bedtime watching a film. Let’s face it, we’re so close to the end of term, they are early secondary school and are very good kids tbh so it didn’t feel like a biggie (to me).

When DH arrived home, I thought it would be funny for them to comically scamper upstairs (in full view), then come down again pretending he had woken them up (with OTT yawning). It was very clearly lighthearted. It was entirely my idea.

DH did not find it funny AT ALL and berated the children. I held my hands up (literally, immediately) and said I was sorry, it was all my idea: I had encouraged them and thought it would make him laugh …but he was still exceptionally pissed off and continued to tell them off. Both children went to bed pretty upset.

Wtaf? Hand on heart, I kept saying it was my fault and he mustn’t blame the kids. He is enraged with all of us. I am so confused.

Perhaps next time they think what jolly japes they can play on him, they might think twice.

yes they will. So as well as enjoying his tantrum he gets to make sure they behave as he wants in future. Win all round for him.

That was some really bad timing for a joke or whatever you call that.

Then he really overreacted. No reason to yell.

But I can see why he was mad. Late meetings probably aren't great news. He was tired and stressed and wanted to come home to some peace and quiet and then there's the kids on the stairs doing some weird japing shit and there went his peace and quiet and he was already over it before it began.

Don't spring this kind of stuff on someone who's worked late and is hot and tired, especially when you didn't know what went down at that meeting.

Apologize to your kids. You started this. They're not little kids. No more capering pixie japes.

That said, 9 is awfully early for bedtime. Talk to your husband about his overreacting with the kids and a later bedtime.

I am surprised at the tone of the responses. OP and the kids did a little skit they thought would be cute, dad shouted at them. The whole "i don't get it" thing is deliberately minimising a response from a man that is unpleasant and not ok. Who made him the king of rhe house who decides when the kids go to bed? He clearly doesnt like that OP let them stay up, gave them a nice time and had a bit of fun. It wasnt at his expense, they thought they were doing something that would make him smile. Imagine those kids bewildered faces and seeing their mother being told off, who wants to minimise that? My only judgement is why, oh why women continue to indulge these horrible men and expose their children to their behaviour.

It was at his expense though. He came home from work on a hideously hot day to find his wife and kids playing an unfunny and surreal prank on him.

Op sounds like she is the ‘fun parent’ encouraging the kids to take the piss out of their dad.

I disagree. You need anger management if you can’t stop yourself from having a go at someone when you’ve been told it wasn’t their fault.

Or people shouldn’t play pranks on people when they have just come home from work? Perhaps the DH was confused at what was going on (not to mention the scampering).

It sounds like his reaction was potentially over the top.

If I had been in his position I don't think I would feel great about this "joke." I would feel like the implication was that I was the strict parent and the other parent was the fun parent and me coming home is ruining everyone's good time. I'm a pretty easygoing person but I would have found this annoying and potentially it would have made me feel kind of bad, like my family prefers when I'm not home.

Have you asked him why he's overreacted? I mean it's 9pm. He's just getting in from work. Another hot day. Maybe he's absolutely knackered. Maybe he's had a bad day.

Don’t get why anyone would think this is a joke/funny, but the typical reaction would be an internal wtf, and external ‘uhmmm, ok’ and then just move on. So much weirdness all round.

But he took it out on children even though OP told him she was responsible for it. It wasn’t the children’s fault. He was unreasonable for upsetting them.

YABU.

Unless he'd been for after work pints, the poor guy is getting in from work at 9pm, OP! I expect he was knackered and just saw his kids messing around.

Yes, he shouldn't have shouted at them but we're often not at our best when we're very tired, hot and stressed, you set him up to fail really.

Let me guess, you're a stay at home mum? When did you last work until 9pm?

Your husband completely overreacted and I say that as someone who has a very stressful 70-hour-a-week job with a five hour round commute.

To the posters who think that it’s somehow justified to continue yelling at your children after you’ve found out that they’re not at fault, even when you’re tired, hot, irritable and potentially have something else going on, give your heads a wobble and get some professional support. That’s called a complete inability to regulate your own emotions and makes them responsible for appeasing them. Not cool guys, just not cool.

It’s a dick move to come home late from work and just yell at your kids straight away. Both my kids were up later than 9pm and they’re primary age - loads of kids can’t sleep in this heat.

He needs to apologise to them in the morning for being a grumpy arsehole.

it’s not an either or. Don’t play unwelcome pranks. Don’t berate people for things that aren’t their fault.

Both unreasonable even if one is preceded by the other.

(Want to point out as well that we don’t know that the DH was coming in from a long day at work. OP just said he was at a meeting.)

There is nothing to indicate the OP is a SAHM. I've worked plenty of long days and late nights and still enjoy coming home to see my DC having fun even if it's an effort to get into the spirit immediately.

The indication that she's either a SAHM or maybe has a little part time job is from thinking that what her husband needs after being in a late meeting is their kids larking about and playing a prank.

If my partner was working late, I'd appreciate he'd need a quiet rest when he got in and ideally the kids are already in bed (though mine are younger than secondary age).

She doesn't have any empathy for how tired he probably was, which makes me think she's not had to work for a long time. Rather than talking to her husband about what happened in the meeting etc and putting his bad mood down to that, she's writing posts on mumsnet.

It wasn't very funny and he had been at work till 9pm.

It sounds like it was the ‘joke‘ that annoyed him more than the fact the kids were up though.

Well it doesn’t really make sense to me. I get the “obviousness” of not being in bed. I don’t really understand the part about coming downstairs pretending to have been woken up.

But I can see why he wouldn’t be overly happy about it. It suggests that you’re the fun one letting them stay up to watch a movie, and he’s the not fun one who enforces bedtimes. It’s the sort of thing that would have happened in my family when I was a kid.

And that’s on top of, as others have mentioned, getting home very late. (Possibly hangry if had no dinner? I would have been.)

That’s not to say that it’s okay for him to yell at the kids - of course it isn’t - but I can understand why he wasn’t rolling on the floor with laughter at your japes.

I don't get the joke either. It was childish and unnecessary. You caused the situation. He came home from work in this heat and probably over reacted due to being tired.

I would be concerned something serious was happening at work. Perhaps layoffs.

This, it sounds like it’s that triangulation thing I think it’s called? Where it’s fun mum doing all the cool stuff and mean old dad who’s not at home and just wants to spoil their fun.

This, 100%.

His reaction was over the top, but I also think the 'joke' wasn't a funny one and perhaps added to his stress.....to me the joke is accusing him of waking the children. Another thing he might feel blamed for that day and would be frustrated at being told off about.

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