AIBU to think DH overreacted to a bedtime joke?

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DH was out this evening at a meeting. I let the children stay up late - 15 mins past their bedtime watching a film. Let’s face it, we’re so close to the end of term, they are early secondary school and are very good kids tbh so it didn’t feel like a biggie (to me).

When DH arrived home, I thought it would be funny for them to comically scamper upstairs (in full view), then come down again pretending he had woken them up (with OTT yawning). It was very clearly lighthearted. It was entirely my idea.

DH did not find it funny AT ALL and berated the children. I held my hands up (literally, immediately) and said I was sorry, it was all my idea: I had encouraged them and thought it would make him laugh …but he was still exceptionally pissed off and continued to tell them off. Both children went to bed pretty upset.

Wtaf? Hand on heart, I kept saying it was my fault and he mustn’t blame the kids. He is enraged with all of us. I am so confused.

Genuinely I have never done this and nor has my husband and I don't think we're particularly unusual or special as parents. Seeing my kids messing around is exactly the kind of thing that makes me forget the stress and cheer up, and upsetting my kids doesn't make me feel better when I'm stressed anyway, so it wouldn't be my way of dealing with a tough day.

Not sure what the joke was, I would have been confused as to what was going on. An evening meeting is tiring and probably not the best time to test someone’s sense of humour.

What was he berating them about? Being up past their 9pm bedtime? Or the "joke"? Either way he needs to lighten up an extreme amount. Its a very disproportionate and unnecessary reaction.

Is it usual behaviour from him? Though I'm inclined to feel in a household that being downstairs a mere 15mins later than usual is considered being "up late" there isn't much in the way of relaxed and jokey family interactions and routines, so this might be uncharted waters for everyone.

That sounds like a stressful misunderstanding. Sometimes, one person's attempt at humor can be completely misinterpreted, leading to unnecessary tension.

Coming home after work and everyone being up and about and doing some skit probably was the last straw for your DH. But he shouldn’t take it out on the kids.

Your DH clearly had a late meeting, came through the door exhausted and now on pause to get into the house as he is expected to guffaw at this joke. It would turn into conversations and everyone talking for ages as the children are not settled in bed. Maybe by 10pm he finally gets a second to breathe and put down his things. Bad timing, OP. YABU.

I’m wondering what the joke was too with children running upstairs to come back down pretending to yawn.

It was a really daft pointless thing to do and not a bit funny. Probably all he needed after a hard day then a late meeting. Yabu.

How could they pretend he'd woken them up if he was supposed to have also seen them running up? It all sounds really annoying and tiring if he'd been working late.

Completely over the top reaction to a bit of silliness. Not okay to keep going on at the kids as it was your idea.

Does he have form for getting angry for no good reason?

I didn't yell at my kids if I had a bad day - might have been quiet or not in great form but no, I've never yelled at them because I was upset about something else. and dh DEFINITELY has never done this. I can maybe see if he was in a bad mood that he would take it the wrong way when he didn't realise that it was a joke. And I can understand if when he realised it was a joke he told everyone it wasn't funny or he was in a bad mood so wasn't up for a joke or similar. But to continue to berate his kids and make them upset - bad form.

Are you having a bad day too then?? Ahhh just chill!

Tbf there was an awful lot of thought going into a fairly pointless ‘joke’.

He may have had a bad day or just couldn’t be arsed to play along with it. I don’t get why it would be funny but I guess you had to be there.

Btw - do people actually ‘comically scamper’??

I understand the posters saying “why would that be funny” and I can see it being really annoying if he’s come in expecting peace and quiet, maybe even relying on it and being relieved the kids should be in bed by the time he got back if his day had been taxing.

But none of that warrants having a go at them when you are right there and have been all evening. And continuing after you’ve told him you orchestrated it is downright horrible.

I used to hate it when I got home from work stressed and someone played a joke on me the minute I walked in.

It’s not nice or particularly rational but it would take me a long time to calm down.

Why is he "enraged" anyway, and why telling everyone off? If he's upset he of course can say so, but there's no point in saying it to the children when he knows they were acting on your instructions; he should have let them get to bed and then discussed it calmly with you. I probably wouldn't have found it funny either but even if I was snappish at first for whatever reason I'd have apologised (at the very least to the children) for snapping once it became clear what happened.

I think its a bit sad how many people find coming home to their DC having a bit of fun after a long day a burden rather than something to lighten their mood and something to look forward to.

After a long day I would really hope I didn’t have to deal with the kids when I got home tbh. I also don’t think it’s very funny, I would feel like I was having the piss taken out of me a bit. It’s a bit like you’re usually very strict with bed time (fairly certain you are if the children are at least 11 and 15 minutes is considered late) but because he’s out you get to be fun Mum and he looks like the bad guy.

That said, it’s really nothing to be angry about. A simple conversation where he expresses his thoughts with you after the kids have gone to bed about bedtimes and the end of term etc would have sufficed.

Did he come home at that time to wnsure he missed bedtime?

He’s a fun sponge. Grumpy sod.

Slightly missing the point but kids that age have a ‘bedtime’? When I got to secondary school I would go to my room in the early evening, watch tv and go to sleep when I was tired. I was also responsible for getting myself up, ready for school and out of the door in the morning without parental input.

Who had just been out at a meeting - it’s great that some people don’t need to decompress when they get home but many people do. And the ‘joke’ isn’t actually funny.

It’s v annoying sometimes. But that doesn’t justify the reaction.

This is what I feel happened - the details may be slightly different.

DH went to a stressful meeting where he felt marginalised. Then he went home.

What he discovered at home was a wife and kids that had 'ganged up on him' to not only disregard house rules about normal bedtime, but to play a silly joke he didn't understand. The important thing is that they had conspired behind his back to do this.

He was overwhelmed with feelings of being alone and outside the circle even in his own home, and so snapped. There he was, going to a job he hates - or which at least is v stressful at the moment, and his family are conspiring to make him look silly when he gets home.

We know it wasn't like that, but I have great sympathy for him and his misunderstanding!

All of the above may be wrong, of course, but it does demonstrate that there might be a real reason for his behaviour that night. Dads need reassurance too!

I agree. It doesn’t sound at all funny, and was bad timing after a day/ evening ant work. I’m amazed thst any secondary age children would be expected to go to bed at 9pm.

I think it does actually. Even the way the OP described it was OTT and she clearly found it much funnier than he did

Perhaps next time they think what jolly japes they can play on him, they might think twice