FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

Dear Cousin,

I gather from my mum that you think I was being unreasonable not allowing the children to sit on the horse, or to feed them all of the apples they had brought.

Far from it. I was thinking of, firstly, the children’s safety: competition horses are NOT safe to be sat on by an inexperienced person, not even for 30 seconds for a photo. Had I allowed it and the horse had thrown them, what would you be saying then?

Secondly, I was thinking of the horse’s well-being. Multiple apples given at once WOULD make them unwell, irrespective of what people used to do years ago.

Horses are not toys. They are strong, wilful creatures who need to be handled properly by someone who knows what they are doing. To do otherwise is dangerous, for both the people and the horse.

I had clearly stated in advance what the children would and would not be able to do. If you didn’t tell them the boundaries, then their upset is on you, not on me.

I will sleep soundly, knowing that I have acted responsibly for the well-being of both your children and my horse.

Even if you had, you wouldn't have seen it as often as the thread-police's "I've seen this post before." What, exactly, have you achieved? I wish mumsnet would delete these. They're extremely annoying and look like deliberate attempts at derailment.

Obviously you’re not unreasonable.

I’d absolutely send a message “I can see you’re upset but I did make it very clear when you asked to bring the children that there would be no riding and they would only be able to look at the horses.
After I agreed to your request to visit I find it really disappointing that you tried to disregard my rules at the time and that afterwards you have been talking badly about me to others. This is not how I expect to be repaid and it’s left a very bad taste for me.”

Send a screen shot of your previous exchange about not being able to ride the horses etc and her agreement to that, and ask her precisely which part of this came as a surprise to her when she turned up, and why.

People like that have big dogs they cannot control that end up biting kids because they let them do stupid things like sit on the dog and poke dogs in private areas etc. usually make them into stupid tiktok videos too

Because the cheeky fucker wanted it for free i bet.

She’s being utterly ridiculous. Even if you have no knowledge of horses, it goes without saying competition horses aren’t suitable for anyone to sit on. Apart from being risky for the child, it’s not fair on the horses. They aren’t toys fgs.

Hopefully another relative doesn’t run a shooting range! Just a few photos with a gun. 🙄
Just ignore her, you were putting the kids safety above everything and she just saw it as a photo op

They can have a picture taken with a horse though. Just not on one.

Or get some children that can actually ride and would manage your racehorse and share them on Facebook saying what an amazing young person to ride this race horse 😂

She's already shown OP she's irrational and stupid. Heck, I'd just respond with a link to this thread 😂

This! Good grief what a dreadful family!!

People just don’t get it. I have been in a similar situation several times.Kids have a few riding lessons on a very safe school pony then think they can come and ride your beloved quirky horse. I use no insurance as an excuse.
It’s like asking if your 17 year old who has just passed his driving test can come and borrow your Ferrari!

To be clear, my post wasn't saying I think people should be allowed or encouraged to take pictures of horses they don't own without the owners' explicit permission. Definitely not, whether that's standing beside the horse or riding or feeding them treats - even standing beside a strange horse for a photo might be dangerous if the horse bites or kicks. Obviously standing beside them is least worst of those options if you're going to take photos without permission but I'm not saying I think doing anything without the owners say so is a good or safe thing.

I was just responding to the but why would someone even want a photo? question. For me why someone would want a photo is very straightforward, as I said, because a photo is nice and people want nice things for themselves but (reasonably) wanting something and (reasonably) being entitled to them are very, very different things. There's loads of things I may want a photo with, a fluffy dog, a tractor, a celebrity, an interestingly shaped marrow - I'm not entitled to take a photo posing with any of them without at least implicit if not explicit permission. I might ideally want more than to stand next to the animal or person, I might love a photo of me hugging the dog or shaking hands with the celebrity or hanging upside down off the tractor, I might treasure that photo for evermore, it might make my day, week or life to get it but no-one has to give it to me no matter how valid my reasons.

Reasonable people get this of course, unreasonable people don't and will just selfishly demand and pester until they get things they want but I don't think the real head scratcher is why they want them, so much as why they missed the memo that you either wait to be offered or ask once and accept a gracious no, depending on circumstances?

The only response she'd get from me is a link or 2 for riding schools or farm parks offering pony rides near her. I wouldn't bother to continue trying to have a sensible conversation with someone who is clearly a complete and utter moron.

Experienced riders have been left paralysed after being thrown from their horse - like the Times journalist Melanie Reid.

I rode a bit, when I was a teenager, so I know it is not an easy thing to do, and it is a long way down from the back of a horse.

I think some people think they are toys, not living, breathing animals who need expert handling. If my dses had ever wanted to try riding, I’d have booked them proper lessons at a riding school - because I value their health and the health and well being of the horses.

For comparison: It's children like to fuss kittens and amenable cats, that's fine. But would you let or encourage a child to fuss a fully grown lion, puma, tiger or their cubs?

No is a full complete sentence. Some animals are fine with being fussed, most are not.

She deffo didnt set limits for the kids in advance,probs hoping you'd crumble under pressure. I hate people like that!Cheeky cow.

What an entitled shrew. She disappointed herself, and the children, by acting as though she had rights of access to your horses. I'd laugh it off. She's clearly a child.

I would go through them like a hot knife through butter. I would forward the messages where you told them exactly what to expect and point out that it's them that put you and their children in an awful, disappointing and stressful situation and they owe you a big apology

They're not a play thing. If she thinks she's above the rules you stipulated, she's only got herself to blame for the upset. Tell her where to go!

Omg - we had this all the time growing up. School friends who wanted a quick ride, pressure to come over as we had horses but they were for experienced riders only rather than the sluggish and compliant riding school ponies that people think they will be. One day my sister finally gave in when my parents were out. Her friend gets on and tries to walk around but the horse took off with her and dumped her on a wooden fence hurting her back and we had to hide it all from mum and dad rather than get her checked out. Also with any pet YOU get to decide what they eat or not - that is standard stuff. Who are these rude people and why does the rest of the family not back you up?

@DoubleClearYay - I wouldn’t give it a second though. This person clearly has no understanding of horses at all. I mean you explained it very clearly and just the fact she said can they have a quick go for a photo for me is clear she has never been around horses.

I hope your parents stood up for you against this highly entitled individual and her spoilt brats. You told them before hand they could not ride your horses so she should have prepared the kids for this instead of stubbornly thinking she’d get her own way.

This is perfect when people are arguing, just calmly keep resending a screen shot of what you said and their reply