FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

As a dc my dm sat on an aunt's huge hunting horse for Just A Pic...he buggered off with teen dm hysterical clinging on !

Aunt was 6'4 and that horse was mahoosive!
Put dm off horses for life.

What an entitled idiot, showing no respect to your horses or you. Hopefully the children can learn from it but unlikely unfortunately with a mother like that.

You have my sympathy. I had similar.

Sister in law started talking about her granddaughter wanting riding lessons and then child's mother started on with "yeh, I want to get back in to riding, I was really good at it" all looking pointedly at me. I didn't take the hint so SIL went on with "you did a horsey course didn't you? You could teach them on yours". No Shirley, I did an equine science degree, the only horses we touched were in dissection. I'm not qualified to teach and my horses are not riding school horses so not suitable.

Other family members have hinted over the years and the only person I invited to meet them was my mother in law, fabulous woman, she loved them all without wanting to feed a ton of treats or have a sit on! The perfect guest.

I was thinking of that earlier horse post as well.

Your horses are not a theme park. You gave the rules and they had to respect them.

no, ive not posted before! I’ve only ever posted twice on mumsnet apart from this and it was a health advice related thing and nothing to do with horses

but going from these comments it seems to be a common issue😅

Yeah I don’t even think my parents are going to bother replying tbh! It’s not like she’ll reply back being like yeah you’re right we were out of order, it’ll just be a waste of time x

Probably because there are a surprisingly large number of people who think that all horses are there for them to ride or pose with as and when they choose and that all horses are suitable for someone who cannot ride to sit on. I am in the middle of a similar situation with a friend who, no matter how many times I explain to her that yes we may have multiple horses but no, none of them are at all suitable for her to have a little ride on even though she'd love to because she had a ride at a trekking centre when she was a child and enjoyed it, will say each and every time she sees me about how much she would like to come over for a ride.

@DoubleClearYay can you imagine the complete and utter shitstorm that would have ensued if you had let one of the Darling Poppets sit on one and it spooked and they came off? How it would have been All Your Fault for letting a Darling Poppet sit on such a Dangerous Brute! How you should have warned your distant cousin that your horses were all Psycho Dobbins from Hell! Who would pay for the damage to the Darling Poppet's trousers/body/psyche?!

OP, I hope you texted back to say that you had made it very clear that the DC would not be able to ride the horses or even sit in them, and that you were only trying to ensure their safety. Sadly, you have learnt the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished. If someone else asks if their DC can come and see your horses, you’ll know what to say.

There was a child on our yard whose parents bought her a pony. Another child on the yard said, " We can share him!" Child really didn't know what to say, so just smiled. Other child tried to take over and she had to tell him no, he's my pony, I don't want you riding him or handling him. Cue the other child's parent turning up at the yard screaming blue murder that the pony was half his son's and she should be letting him ride 'his' pony. This parent hadn't paid a penny toward this pony, but was entitled enough to have a 13 year old girl reduced to tears in public. I bet he wasn't so loud when her dad went round to have a word.

Bet she's the sort who demands people let her kids pet their service dogs too.

I don’t know anything about horses but your objections and explanations seem very reasonable to me. Why can’t people just take ‘no’ for an answer any more? If OP didn’t want the children riding or feeding the horses because there is an ‘r’ in the month that is her absolute right. My late father used to call it ‘arguing the toss’. A lot of it about.

I’ve actually had other relatives kids come to see my horses before (they’ve come along to support at competitions so if they’re giving up their time to come and watch me then it’s the least I can do to have them over sometime) and it was totally fine- the kids just loved seeing the horses in the field, getting to pet them and watching people at the yard in their jumping lessons, it was a great afternoon for them and we went for lunch after and went searching in the field for horseshoes and they had a brilliant time! They never asked to ride or sit on them, they just loved being there and watching everything so I thought it would be like that! Lesson learnt not to do it for that part of the family again 😅

Op send some footage over of kids being bucked off. And then send some with them playing you up(rearing etc)
might make her understand more

With that mindset I’d be tempted to ask her if she lets her kids take her car out for a spin then, or does she accept that that would be stupid, unsafe, and lead to expensive and potentially catastrophic consequences? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Horses are incredibly sensitive and alert to what is going on around them. This applies especially to highly bred horses like racehorses or competition horses but any horse may well spook if suddenly alarmed which could be because of a noise, another horse spooking, a dog, a plastic bag, a person shouting, someone appearing suddenly from behind and so on and so on.
They are flight animals, their history is still in their genes as being prey. When you sit on a horse's back, you are asking them to overcome what is actually normal behaviour - to throw you off and run away.
When you ride a horse, they are alert to every move you make, every shift of weight, they read your mood, your intention, your level of anxiety.
The behaviour described in the post makes me so angry and it's about the disconnection now between animals and people. Animals get approached and bought by idiots who think they are like big soft toys or children, there is no understanding for the animal as a being in its own right with its own sensitivities and individual nature. Sickening.

Good grief.
This sort of thing seems to come up so often on here.
Are there really so many people around who are so ignorant about horses' behaviour?

It's the kids I feel sorry for. The chances of them getting to adulthood with a parent like that is low I imagine.

What was going through that bloke's head?! Good grief.

Sadly there's more than one entitled shitwit who thinks they/their kids can 'have a go on the pony', or who ignore signs saying 'Please don't feed the horses' etc. In fact, there's tons of the buggers.

This.
Push back hard and firmly.

I wouldn't allow some entitled cheeky cow lecture me via my parents.

People do this because they think they can.
Shut her down.

She embarrassed herself hugely by her behaviour and not preparing her children properly.

Over and above the facts that you had clearly laid out re the visit, their behaviour was shocking. Both the DC and their mother. Not only did she not explain the rules clearly in advance, she then allowed them to be whiny nuisances. I’d have been mortified if my DC had behaved like that, and made sure it stopped quickly.

Put it out of your head, and don’t engage with them again.

Fucking idiots. This is why I’ve never let anyone ride my horses

Yes, there really are. Years ago I had to chuck someone off the yard who opened the yard gate, walked in and let her grandchild feed the horses. Even when I explained that it was a private yard and at least one had health problems related to food, she snuck into a different bit of the yard and carried on feeding them!

When I asked her to leave before I fetched the yard owner and the dogs, she got very nasty and said I was a stuck up cow denying her grandchild the joy of feeding the ponies!

I used to work with a lady who had horses all her life and had a massive show jumping horse (apparently, i never met him)

She would come in at least once a fortnight,moaning that yet another cf had wanted 'a quick sit on him for a picture' or 'a lovely ride around that field'

He cost her a fortune,was very funny about who rode him and he wasn't a toy

She didn't see why she should have to cough up a fortune to keep him and allow the world and his wife a free ride (same fools would look shocked when she mentioned paying for lessons-'but that costs loads!' Well yes,horses are not cheap)

And don't get her started on 'but he looks so hungry in that bare field' while they shoved treats in his mouth

It cost her a fortune in vet fees, he started to get aggressive about humans who didn't have food for him and she almost lost him more than once to colic

Some idiot even took to tipping veg waste in his field as he 'looked half staved'

He didnt-he was perfectly fed/exercised/looked after

Some people just see them as large and unusual but cute pets/the perfect picture for insta

I was horse bonkers as a child but my grandad explained they are strong animals and if I wanted lessons,I had to learn the rules about them first

I would absolutely send them a message telling them where to go.

Outrageously entitled behaviour.

If she was not able to set boundaries with her kids she should not have taken them to see the horses (and I say that as someone who had wild young 'uns and that absolutely meant I did not take them to some places until they were older and better able to regulate themselves).