FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

Sounds like they wanted a free pony party day and it’s shame they didn’t appreciate the chance to be on a proper competition yard and didn’t want to take advantage of that opportunity to learn, a lot of kids Would have loved that opportunity.

Can someone please explain the obsession non horsey people have with sitting on a horse just for a photo? I don't get it.

I wouldn't rock up to a golf course, borrow a set of clubs, and pose as if I played golf. I also wouldn't have my photo taken sitting on a Ducati if I didn't even have a motorbike licence and the bike wasn't mine.

If they're not actually into horse riding, why do they even want a picture on a horse in the first place?

The distant relative needs to keep her distance. She sounds like a bloody self entitled nightmare.

Glad this idiotic mother isn't related to Lewis Hamilton! Why is that so many parents expect their sprogs to have everything they demand? No wonder so many are utter brats.

😂 at rocking up to a golf course. Strike a pose. 📸

Could you imagine the uproar of turning up at a private member's club and saying, "I'm not paying for anything, I just want a picture." !?

God, I'm getting enraged on your behalf just reading this.

Reminds me a bit of when my friend's BIL was annoyed with her because she wouldn't let his eight-year-old take her dog for a walk on his own. The dog was a very large breed and a former police dog who had been retired from the police force because he was too stubborn and independent.

Can someone please explain the obsession non horsey people have with sitting on a horse just for a photo? I don't get it.

To be fair, most people don't have much contact with horses so I get the idea of just sitting on one, just to see what it feels like. Maybe a photo is a nice thing in that situation. If the horse is suitable and the owner's OK with it, why not? But demanding and refusing to listen when told it's not possible isn't OK. And you just know that 'just sitting on' will morph into 'Can I just trot round a bit' which in turn moves into "Same time next week, yes?"...

Even Superman wasn't immune from paralysis.

I swear people are getting thicker.

Presumably she would have to pay at a riding school, easier to put their lives at risk for free.

I don't think it's that deep. Horses are beautiful animals, and relatively unusual in this day and age to meet you, if you're not a horsey person. And it's an even more lovely experience to get to ride one. If you're being cynical, it's also a thing particularly associated with wealth and the upper classes.

When people have nice experiences (or their kids do), they typically want a picture of them. Something to remember the nice experience by, if you're assuming the best, something to show off to their other friends or on social media, if you're being more negative. I'm not a huge photo taker myself but I do get it, if I see something beautiful or unusual or a particularly happy memory it is nice to get a snap of it (I generally prefer not to have my own ugly mug in it mind you, but my family/friends sure 😂)

Not saying all of us horsey folk need to immediately start offering a pony selfie service btw before anyone jumps on me!

For heaven’s sake. Horses are animals, living creatures that deserve respect, not toys to be played with for their entertainment.

You have done nothing wrong.

Wow! You will never win with these cheeky Fs..

If their children are so into horses the parent should have treated this as a learning experience for them. Managed their expectations that these are not some cute ponies etc.

Say you had let the children sit on for a photo op and they fell offf - you totally would have been blamed for this also. You cannot beat this kind of entitlement.
You were totally right in your actions. Good for you. Imagine them complainig to your parents bcos you put their childrens safety and the welfare of the horses first. Cringing for them.

Well, I'm not horsey and no way would I have asked if me or the kids could ride anyone's horses. If my kids want to ride we go to a stable where the horses and staff are trained for kids. No way would I let them go on OP's horses even if she would have been OK with it. And I wouldn't ask anyone- you get invited- or you're a CF.

Ridiculous. Does she not realise horses are actual animals not fairground rides? Pretty big, strong animals too and potentially dangerous if you are silly around them. My DD rides and I think any parent who has seen a child fall off a horse understands needing to be sensible!

I worked with a lady who used to be really horsy and nearly died from being kicked by a horse. She had one kidney. Of course they're dangerous. This woman is a fucking menace.

I'm not horsey but a) I definitely know those things and b) if I didn't know them, I would defer to the horsey person when it came to having them explained to me.

In your shoes I would send a message saying how lovely it was to see them, thank them for leaving them an apple for later and remind her that you said no sitting on horses, then actually forward your original message?

My daughter has a pony and I used to get nagged like this all the time. I used to allow popping in for a brush or something but it always led to them asking for a quick ride/sit on to take photos and it would always end up with upset so I just say no to every single request now. I just tell them our yard doesn’t allow visitors.

My daughter’s current pony isn’t a competition pony, but she’s still a knob. We used to have an old retiree as well who because of her age, people would think she’d be a plodder - she was an utter menace. Neither were suitable for complete beginners to ride or sit on for photos but people just couldn’t get it in their heads and thought I was stuck up/mean/rude/jealous (?) delete as appropriate - rather than just trying to stop their offspring from being hurt.

I don’t really understand why people think horses are shared property - see also, feeding random horses

Sounds like the type who feeds other people's horses over the fence. Or chucks loaves of bread in the duck pond (unrelated but my brain linked them)

I find it strange. It's one thing to go on a hack for beginners for the experience, usually with helmet and suitable footwork but hopping on a horse as if it's a prop, I don't get it. It is like these Victorian seaside donkey photos. For children surely there are plenty of beginner pony experiences to choose from. Just jumping on a horse for your insta story is dumb.

The most I know about horses is that they have a mind of their own and no brakes…no way would I be demanding my DCs could basically do what they wanted!

@DoubleClearYay
Talk about extract the pure urine!
Some people will always be takers and make assumptions that justify their stupidity and selfishness
Quite simply they never go near your horses again
And one hopes that your parents told them where to get off as well
They probably even thought your parents would punish you on their behalf for rightly standing up to them
So don't ever discuss or invite again; simples
Reminds me of when my daughter had her tattoos done and went along for the finer details to be finished off
A girl she worked with assumed even though she'd been told, had really paid tops £100 for all this intricate artwork done so tagged along thinking she'd get hers done for roughly the same amount
When she said what she wanted and was told cost refused to believe it and accused the tattooist of lying? And stormed off
Even though a price list is on the wall
Upshot was back at work she badmouthed my girl claiming she'd lied about the prices even though she hadn't and had told girl it was minimal £2000ish
Then when she realised that people were seeing what a ceeuentee knob she was
She claimed that she thought she'd get it cheap because she turned up with my girl!
= Almost 2 for the price of one
Just don't offer any favors even if you've a speck of doubt
Is what we now say in our house.

Of course, taking a photo without disturbing the pony or horse is fine. What’s frustrating is the assumption that people can just jump on a horse to pose for social media. A horse is a living, sentient animal, not a prop or an accessory to collect likes.