FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

She is a total CF and sounds as thick as pig shit. I know nothing about horses but I wouldn’t be that stupid. She sounds like the sort of person who thinks animals are only for entertainment purposes.

People are so weird about horses. Because they’re beautiful and out in fields a lot (so appear “free”) it’s like they’re for everyone?! My friend owns horses and she has signs everyone saying don’t feed them etc. And then the visitors get arsey calling her precious. But at least one horse has been seriously ill, probably from treats, she has other friends whose animals have died, honestly I don’t know what’s wrong with some people.

This drives me crazy. I have Highland ponies who are very sweet and gentle but I am not running a free pony trekking centre either! People sue at the drop of a hat, so I don't give permission to anyone to ride my ponies these days. Accidents happen even on gentle, calm ponies, especially with people who can't ride a loose gate on a windy day. I am so glad my kids left school as some of the parents were unbelievably cheeky. One woman turned up at my yard and told (not asked!) a member of staff to tack up my horse and bring it down to her. It was explained that she was a private livery and not available to hire and she said, "Oh, it's fine, I know Krusty." The staff member blurted out, "No, you clearly don't!" without thinking and refused to get my horse. She apologised to me afterwards for being rude to my 'friend' but I I thought what she said was hilarious and was just relieved she didn't feel bullied into handing over my horse to someone who had never had a riding lesson. We weren't even friends, I just knew her from the school gate!

I'd be furious that the adult relative behaved this way after you made it perfectly clear what would and would not be possible before they even arrived. I don't know if I'd bother answering back. I'd be tempted to spell it all out (including graphic details about what could have happened to her children if you'd allowed them to take unnecessary risks on your horses), but it would probably be wasted effort. She's too stupid and stubborn to learn or care.

@DoubleClearYay Tell her that if you would have let the children sit on your nonchildfriendly horses without a hat and they would have had an accident Social Services would be the first to ask why the mother insisted after having been told it wasn't safe. She sounds unhinged and really stupid.

I bet on the way home they found someone’s fence to climb over, past the please don’t feed the horses sign, and fed someone’s horses those bags of apples and took photos. Sound like exactly those sort of morons who don’t care if a horse colics as long as they get to do whatever they want.

I feel your pain OP.

I’ve had people assume they/their kids can ride my horse, especially as she’s not humungous and everything under 16hh is a kid’s pony, right? . Most people have no idea about the reality of horses, but they’re not prepared to listen, either.

It’s why I have a blanket “no” except for people I genuinely trust not to be CFers.

😂😂😂 that made me laugh! I actually did used to have a pony which would have been better sizewise for them but he was an absolute firecracker who absolutely loved decking riders purely for the fun of it… they’d probably have been safer on the 17hh dinosaur than the 13hh grey nutter! 😂

as cheeky as he was he was a legend of a pony and gave me a seat like superglue because I had to learn to stay on. He’s not with us anymore but he was a proper old fashioned sharp kids pony!!xx

Honestly my SIL has horses and ponies. I’ve never expected that Dd when younger could have a ride. Think she was invited to once and that was lovely but as SILs kids got older the ponies got a bit more full on I guess so wouldn’t have been suitable. I’m an ex groom and I ve never asked or expected to have a ride. They’re her horses, not a fairground attraction.

I think the trouble with people that aren’t horsey is that:

1. they have no concept of how difficult riding is and how dangerous it can be.

2. they don’t understand that there is a whole spectrum of horses from very safe (although still potentially dangerous as it’s a live animal), to very unsafe.

Bollocks to her OP.

Because they don't want to spend money! The amount of parents I had trying to get me to take their kids to the yard with mine on a Saturday (because I LOVE to provide free childcare for relative strangers at the weekend at the cost of my time spent with MY children!), whining that riding lessons were sooooo expensive. Not my problem. And I knew how expensive they were because I was paying for my kids to learn to ride properly as well as lessons for myself. Riding ain't cheap.

Tell them that they would have had a lot worse of an afternoon if they’d ended up in A&E which would have been the most likely outcome if they’d sat on the horse without a hat.

What a bunch of entitled CF's. Raising another generation of CF's by the sounds of it.

Have they thought of taking their children to a set up designed to sell parents the opportunity to pop their kids on ponies and take photos and watch them ride... you know, like riding schools and trekking centres? I guess not as that would cost money!

Sympathies. Some people just are CFers and/or idiots and no amount of reasonableness and kindness will change that. You have to feel sorry for the kids but you were absolutely in the right, can you imagine the fall-out if during their 'little sit-on' one of the little darlings fell and cracked their head open or god forbid worse, and you'd allowed/encouraged that? Not worth the risk in a million years.

It has to be said that these people really are the minority, vast majority are so polite and sweet and fully understand that the horse's owner knows what's best, the trouble is every so often you will just encounter the visible minority, similar to those that no amount of fencing, signs, CCTV etc will convince that it isn't their god given right to feed horses in fields.

Personally I do avoid bringing family/friends to visit the yard in general, and kids particularly as it's so hard to enforce boundaries. I'm lucky/unlucky in that I livery on a busy riding school so it's definitely possible to borrow a hat, and if I pull strings/call in a favour, a suitable pony to give a kid a little pony ride, but the issue is once you've done that once they want it every week, and then to bring friends, and then to do more and more with the pony and where does it end - again sadly the cheeky minority ruin this for the majority and now I just tell people how they can book a normal lesson or ride for their child at the school and try to be unavoidably busy at the time they book if I get even a whiff of CFerry...

Neither you (nor your parents) are responsible for other people's wilful ignorance.

Miserable experience for you. But it's over and done. You don't need to explain yourself or apologise. Just forget about it and move on.

No. Competition horses are only for the very experienced. We had one, and only my daughter rode him.

If they want to ride, best they head off to a local riding school, and pay.

She sounds bonkers.

Had similar down my rowing club when a friend of a friend wanted me to take their kids out on the water in one of our boats. She thought it would be similar to going out in some beach resort pedalo as opposed to stepping into very unstable competition racing shell that would just capsize immediately in the wrong hands. It would just be too dangerous and I said no. Cue all sorts of tantrum throwing from the mum and me being labelled as a killjoy. There are very few peopleI have just told to fuck off but she was one of them.

Last time I rode (very long time ago) I was thrown off by a moody highly strung horse used to more experienced riders and jumping, it was owned by my then boyfriend’s mother who had died so was his technically but he had no idea how temperamental it was - i could ride school horses without issue, galloping even basic jumps but I knew nothing about these horses, I haven’t ridden since

I'm guessing that this isn't the first entitled behaviour that this person has exhibited.

No doubt if the horse had de-horsed one of the kids then it would all have been your fault.

Safety for the kids and the welfare of the horse is paramount and you did well to hold your ground under pressure from an idiot.

I know FA about horses, but I know enough to know that some are jittery as hell, and if you feed them the wrong stuff you can be landed with massive bills.

I suppose if you want to mend bridges you could arrange a day out where some more suitable horses for riding were. But I wouldn't be inclined to after that sort of behaviour.

Have you messaged before about relatives not respecting your wishes over potentially dangerous horses? What was the outcome of that? Seems like your relatives really want to see those horses. It sounds odd parents would push their children on 'competition horses' when you've outlined the dangers - in another post as well by the looks of it.

Ohhhh, I get this, mine was not a competition horse but he was retired from riding young due to kissing spine so became a much loved field ornament who loved being fussed over. Some people just couldn't understand why they couldn't 'just sit on for a photo'!. So annoying. I don't have horses at the moment but if I ever got another I wouldn't tell anyone 🤣

She has anger issues? How rude of her. Dumb and rude.

I would absolutely read them the riot act on this. Tell them you are disgusted that they were happy to place their kids in real danger despite being warned and that you spelled out what was possible in big block letters before they arrived. Fucking ingrates!

I know nothing about horses but would have totally understood your explanation the first time and prepared my kids in advance that riding them was off the table. Sorry you had this experience. The parent was totally irresponsible as well as rude.

Have you posted this before? I've seen a very similar post in here a few months back,