FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

Dishonest too, as it was all explained and agreed beforehand. Had she not read your emails that said no riding, etc and agreed to them? I would hit back on Facebook or whatever she used to diss you. And never again!
Did you write something similar once before OP? I remember something like this from two or three years back.

I had the same with one of my sniffer dogs, trained to track. Yes, we can go for a walk but I must hold the lead too (not wanting a four year old yanked off its feet). He was unlikely to start a random track without his harness on but when they are keen to track you don't want to risk it

My DD would have been thrilled just to be in the horses presence, and then to brush them and give them an apple sounds like a dream come true!

I just can't imagine expecting more and.especially from the safety pov.

Not only that, even if it was safe, they asked, you said no, gave them alternatives. What rude and entitled people they are!

How ridiculous the insta photos would have looked with her hapless children sitting on a race horse with no riding gear, as though it were a Victorian seaside donkey. You can probably count her brain cells on one hand.

I would absolutely go medieval on them, no mercy. I don’t have horses but I teach DC to treat animals with respect, both wild and working animals. If the kids want cute horses their mum can buy them some plastic My Little Ponies.

I would also remind them that your liability insurance policy may be invalidated if you knowingly allow an unsuitable person to ride your horse when you believe it could cause harm to either horse or rider. Who gets to pay for the fallout?

They won’t want to pay! Horses are expensive to buy and keep, never mind the trained staff, premises costs, insurance AND the time invested in choosing/training ponies suitable for beginners.

Also, non horsey people often don’t understand that competition horses are trained to be very responsive so are totally unsuitable for someone who isn’t a a relatively experienced rider, let alone being potentially more highly strung to start with!

Sympathy OP.

Years ago my neighbour got in a right strop with me because I wouldn’t drive her to her wedding in a horse drawn carriage if she paid to hire me one for my horses to pull.
They were not exactly a matching pair with one a 16.2 competition horse and the other a 32 year old retired pony.
Neither of them were broken to drive by the way.

Fortunately she started blanking me after the billionth time I explained no 👌

They were clearly unreasonable and you were not.

I don’t know anything about horses (other than they’re lovely), so forgive my ignorance; how do horses know if someone is a beginner and why would that make them chuck them off?

yanbu op and the absolute cheek to call you precious when it’s clearly the other way around! Have you messaged her? I wouldn’t be able to help myself.

Why is the first post to anything always so catty or lacking in understanding of the actual point of the post. Happens time and again. 🙄

Way to minimise the actions of CF's!

OP was open and upfront about what and was not OK to do with her horses in advance.

The fact that her cousins are both ignorant and prepared to railroad others for the sake of their precious offspring's demands is not OP's problem.

I sincerely hope she tells them to fuck right off.

I hope your parents follow up the rant with

@DoubleClearYay says you’re welcome.

We hope your parents are well.

😁

I would have told her that your competition yard doesn't allow children under the age of 16 and left it at that.

They are the cheekiest fuckers of all cheeky fuckers.

I often had to say to friends and relatives, yes please come with your kids and see my horse but under no circumstances expect your kids to sit on her as it's possible she'll catapult them to the moon. She was the loveliest ginger mare but was very specific about who rode her and how 😂

their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo

Oh, and there it is right there. It was all for social media. The fact you said no ruined her plans. Lol.

No good deed unpunished. Good for you standing firm you would have been liable if they’d been injured so you had no choice.

What entitled and idiotic behaviour. You learned a hard lesson OP. Hope it gets better.

Swear I've seen this exact same post on here before.

its not about the horse knowing, it’s about the rider knowing what to do. When you ride, you are communicating with the horse through your seat, your legs, your hands. If you don’t know how to do that then it’s really dangerous. A placid riding school pony used to people not knowing what they’re doing might stand calmly but not a competition horse.

Swap horse out for car - you might jokingly let a child sit in the driver’s seat of your 30 year old polo which you have to actively let the clutch out on slowly and yank the handbrake off manually for the car to move, but you probably wouldn’t let them sit behind the wheel of a supercar where one touch of the accelerator and the brake is off and the car does 0-60…..

It doesn’t sound like their brains could process that information.

@DoubleClearYay Can you imagine the hoo ha if you allowed little Jemima on one of them and she ended up with two fractured eye sockets and no deciduous dentition at all? You would be at fault then too.

Leave it. If thick people think you are unreasonable, does it really matter? Most people will know they are hard of thinking so nothing lost.

Horses are tuned into body language. They know from the way you mount up, gather up your reins, how you sit in the saddle, how well you can ride. They are also able to pick up on how confident you feel. When I learned to ride at a riding school, my instructor warned me that experienced, been-there-done-that riding school ponies have the measure of their rider before they take a step. Some horses, like my now elderly gelding, will be very kind and take care of their rider. Some, like my mare, will look to get the upper hand so they can do what they want and ignore you on a ride. Some, like my daughter's little 12.2 welsh, no longer with us, will delight in throwing a rider off and pissing off over the horizon, because to equines, that shit is hilarious. Highly trained, highly strung, highly sensitive competition horses get irritated by bad riding and will want the irritant gone.

Yeh honestly you acted in a way that guaranteed not only the safety of your horses but also her children! People are weird around animals. I have relatives who thought i was massively over reacting because i was cautious the first few times my just-off-the-track greyhound met their young kids. I had no idea how he would react around kids. Then they wanted to walk him, i said they could hold the lead but an adult had to hold it too, he walks lovely on lead but he was reactive at the time so i didnt want to risk him pulling over a kid or getting loose as he had no recall. The adult relative agreed but then she repeatedly let go so just the kid was walking him. I took the lead back and then they kept badgering me to let him off lead...

Probably. Because there are a lot of CFs out there who think horses and ponies are public property.