FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

She's one of the cheekiest fuckers I've ever read or heard about. You took time out to offer her the chance to see the horses and she gives you shit. Are you going to send her a strongly worded message back? I hope she's on here so she can read what an absolute cheeky fucker she's being and she is teaching her kids to be the same as she is. Nasty, nasty behaviour. Don't let her set foot in your yard again.

I would tell them where to go and explain they won’t be coming to see your horses again. Talk about raising spoilt brats!

Yeah that’s the only saving grace thankfully!! First and last time. Feel bad for my cousins (the kids) but I’m annoyed at their mum for putting us all in the situation

Nah not me, thankfully never had that issue haha x

How did your parents respond? Hopefully to tell her how rude she was behaving and not to involve them

Absolutely this

Honestly, they were mainly shocked someone would even want their kid to sit on my dinosaur of a horse without a hat. Unfortunately they’ve seen too many accidents with riders (including me) and it only takes 1 second to have a life changing injury so they were more shocked at the stupidity of it!! X

My horses aren’t completion horses but no way would I let random kids sit on them etc. last time I ever let a child on my horse she booted his ribs and then fed him grass cuttings.

people are so weird when it comes to other peoples horses. It’s like they feel entitled to ride them.

absolutely cheeky fuckers of the highest order.

CF’s and thick with it.
It is not a bloody theme park.
Why couldn’t they just have a photo taken with a horse?
Would have been better going to Blackpool although I think the days of donkey riding on the beach are long gone?
And contacting your parents? Well you don’t have to see them again.

I had similar (posted about it a few years ago!) from a colleague. At the time I had a bit of a side hussle schooling other peoples horses, most of which were sharp competition types/ex racers and most of their owners were having time out due to babies etc.
I had a colleague who was like a dog with a bloody bone about her daughter who’d had a few months of riding school lessons coming to meet these horses/come for a ride. I explained that not only would they not be suitable horses for a novice child, but they were not my bloody horses! It was relentless and she got quite guilt trippy about it… thankfully then covid hit and remote working put the breaks on it!

I had an MN whinge on it and the one thing one poster took away from it was that I must have been committing tax fraud… good old MN

Are they stupid?

It sure sounds like it.

They're so unreasonable that there's no way except to tell your parents what they wanted was extremely dangerous and there is no way in hell that you would agree to it.

Dumbassery to the nth

And did they convey that?!

I reckon this is your SIL?!

Some people are clueless . They have obviously only ever been around beach donkeys or children’s ponies and think all horses are the same . At least one of you wants to keep her kids safe .

Well you know exactly what to say next time they ask. Clearly clueless.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5508687-sil-thinks-i-have-over-reacted-banning-her-from-my-house?postsby=Happyhorse222

oh it was this one i was thinking about @DoubleClearYay !

No, you're not being unreasonable at all.

People look at horses and riding and think it looks easy and I think that's where the common misconception that they're friendly and safe comes from. They're far from safe animals and I've been riding my whole life (like you, now have competition horses) and that's what makes it 'look' easy. I've had falls and broken bones and that's what people don't see.

And does she want to pay the vets fees when they've eaten all the millions of apples and lovely treats?

Horses can kill and she's an absolute weapon if she thinks otherwise.

After that fiasco, I'd never allow the clueless lady with the bratty kids to come and visit again and absolutely tell her the reason why. I genuinely wouldn't entertain her, or the messages through your parents. There are rules and if they're desperate to break them, they don't come again.

Irrationally wound up for you here! Who does she think she is?! If they want to sit on a horse, send them a link to a riding school where the horses and ponies have a calm disposition.

YANBU

No good deed goes unpunished OP.

Nah not my sister in law. They’re like my very distant cousins, I don’t know what the term is but probably like second second cousins or something haha (we’ve got a big family) but I just refer to them all as my cousins 😅

Message

you spoilt your children’s day by not preparing them properly

they don’t love horses or they wouldn’t want to hurt them by feeding them too much

you are completely arrogant thinking you know better than me what is safe with my horses

My horses are the same and I typically just avoid people coming out if I have even an inkling that they’ll be weird, especially if they have children. Though I did not long ago have one colleague say in a baffled tone “You have eight horses and none of them are calm enough for normal people?” Well er no, because most of them are young twats that I’m training up to sell. 😅

I don’t understand -if her children are interested in ponies -why she didn’t take them to an actual riding school ? Where they get to do the whole shebang

Cheeky cow ! It’s a competition yard, not a trekking centre - and quite apart from the obvious , I would bet letting them do so would be in breach of your livery contract . I have one on schooling livery at the moment and my contract was very specific on the use of hats , and appropriate footwear . And there’s signs everywhere because the yard insurance insists on it .

Honestly I completely agree!! For some reason people think horses are just a free for all and public property to ride and feed, think people forget it’s literally the owners livelihood/career/beloved pet! Xx

Say is it ok if you put the kids in the boot, while you drive when drunk, as that was fine years ago, like giving horses tons of food.
I feel sorry for the teachers and future partners of these kids. Entitled much? And you just know she'd sue you if (when) your horses throw them off.

Your parents ought to reply, saying they totally support what you did, and telling the relation once again about the possible dangers of accidents involving horses. They should make it clear that they know you told the relation beforehand exactly what would be possible, and if the children were disappointed that’s entirely the parent's fault for not explaining it to them before they visited.

If a child had sat on your horse without a hat and been thrown and badly injured, I wonder who the parent would have blamed! If the children ever learn more about horses they’ll find out you were completely in the right.