Why do you hate the PTA?

[Rororo1]

I am part of a group of parents who are in the process of setting up a PTA at our primary school. When I mentioned this to a friend, she went on a long rant about how she dislikes the PTA at her child's school, and I feel like hating on the PTA is a common thing.

If you dislike your schools PTA, please can you tell me why? So we can try to avoid doing whatever it is that seems to make PTA groups so unlikeable 😅

Also please vote:

You are being unreasonable - I have no hard feelings towards the PTA at my child's school

You are not being unreasonable - I have negative feelings towards our PTA

Yes. It just sat in the bank account! So infuriating as we were desperate for stuff.

My experience of being on the PTA years ago is that most parents are lazy fuckers who don't want to do anything to help the school, but then love to whinge about how there's no decent play equipment etc. In order to the justify not doing anything, they then have to disparage the PTA.

I remember one day coming out of my dds classroom and was walking towards the exit when a (pushy) woman (head of the pta) stopped me to ask for money for a voucher for the class teacher at the end of the school year

'You can donate as little as £5!'

What she didn't realise,was i was a single mum on a very tight budget-every single penny was allotted

I didn't have 5p let alone 5 pounds to spare-(£15 if id paid for my other dcs teachers as well)

If Id paid,something would have had to come off the food shop and it was going to be a small shop that week,no treats,just basics

This was a very middle class/high flying careers/sahm sort of school

I mumbled something about not having cash on me only to be told I could pay by card so I asked if I could pay later and was told they needed the money by the end of the day so they could buy the bloody voucher

I've never felt so embarrassed in my life

I think I did shove some coins into her envelope and shuffled off to her making a snorting noise behind me

Come the end of year talent show that the pta had set up to raise funds for (i think) blinds for the classrooms,the kids who's parents had paid the most/where on the pta got a place and the rest where told to try again the following year

Mine didn't and I'm convinced that was why (they where heartbroken but could see it for what it was)

If I'd had the money,she could have had it-i swear I'm generous but I really didn't at that moment

If I'd had a few days/a weeks notice rather than being put on the spot,I would have sorted something out

I know I wasn't the only one who felt like they where taking the piss putting us on the spot like that

It was handled the wrong way and I've never felt so small in my life

We didn’t have a PTA as such but there were class parent reps. What was annoying was they’d present things to the school that were their agenda, not necessarily what the major of parents were concerned about. The form was before a meeting the class rep would send out a WhatsApp asking for any issues that needed raising, but of course they had to prioritise as time was limited, and the issues they did raise were definitely their pet issues! The winter and summer fairs were organised separately
(I organised the class discos) and I know it’s the same small group that volunteer to do this sort of thing but the class reps did seem to hold themselves as more important despite being fairly ineffective. We didn’t do find raising - that was done through mufti days or house bake sales (all students were divided into four houses).

This. Our school has asked for money in this way and they have had donations but also people complained about it. They can’t win.

Ours are great, kids love the fairs and discos etc it’s raised money for fun equipment for the kids and has made their playtime a lot more interesting.

Some kids will only get a grotto visit at a Xmas fair. Or get to get a Mother’s Day present or Easter egg via these type of events.

Were they registered as a charity?
If yes they should be reported to whatever body monitors charities.
If I was the Head I would have sent a letter to parents saying something like "The supposed PTA isn't giving and money to the school so the school cannot be associated with them any longer. If you are asked for donations please be aware the school doesn't receive any of these donations".

I expressed interest once but was shut down. Only the cliquey mums were doing it and they were weird with me offering. I left them to it!

@NeedmorelegoI'm not sure about the registered charity thing.
Eventually the HT called a meeting and asked them what was the point of raising money if they wouldn't let us spend it. After some rather heated exchanges they resigned en masse and a new committee was set up.

At the start of each year thy asked us for a wish list and worked their way through it each time they had an event.

Awful of me but I have no desire to join any of it

I cant stand the playground culture. My face never fits and my kids doesn’t either, I pick her up and drop her off, will arrange play dates with her friends but that’s it. I’ll always donate stuff to the school but I’m not about to join any cliquey mum clubs.

This is our PTA! They raise hundreds of thousands for our primary school and pay for several additional staff members. I think they front load their ask so really only ask for money twice a year in a big way and then there are a few very voluntary asks later on. They do a lot of great events and I am super grateful for the extra aides etc that they fund. We’re not in the UK though and I don’t think people really hate on the PTA here. We’re also in a pretty wealthy area so asking for £1000/student is pretty normal (still feels super gross that they have to for state school but all the state schools near us do to help close the gap for what the district funds). Before everyone hates on the US, my DC’s class sizes are 21 before the extra support staff so I’m not complaining…

I honestly think hating the PTA is a bit "I'm not like other Mums, I'm a cool Mum,". But these are the first parents to complain when something can't happen due to lack of funding.

Most schools now ask for donations but the vast majority of parents don't actually randomly donate. Even if all the parents donated £50 quid a year, then that wouldn't provide school discos or fairs which children enjoy and make the school a community. Teachers don't have time to organise these things. Lots of Mum's on the PTA actually also work full time.

Also I'm a teacher and on the pta of my DC school (different schools) and teachers don't pay any attention to whose children are on the pta for parts in plays etc. We are honestly too busy.

Thankfully my kids are well beyond PTA now but the primary school PTA was a fucking nightmare. The school itself had a catchment area that included a large proportion of families who were of a faith that forbids alcohol and had dietary requirements. This is relevant.

PTA events almpst always included alcohol. Think cutesy twee prosecco type stuff. Immediately that excluded a large proportion of parents who wouldnt come if alcohol was being served. Christmas fair? Yep there was a prosecco and wine bar. PTA AGM. More bloody prosecco.

Christmas fair wasn't a fair. It was more of a MLM pyramid selling scam fest. Not helped by the fact that the PTA queen bee herself was one of the business boss babies. Even the flaming PTA Facebook page once had a post congratulating her for reaching the super shiny gold star level

The PTA controlled what the ££ was spent on. And it was very much what they wanted. Did the library really need sodding Cath Kidston style soft furnishings 'for the aesthetics' when the washing machine in the parent hub had broken and the school couldn't afford to replace it?

The final straw was the PTA BBQ-gate. The PTA were selling tickets to and heavily pushing an 'end of year' bbq after school. With guess what? A bloody prosecco bar. However the main issue was that the PTA refused to have 2 bbqs, one standard meat and one cultural dietary laws meat. Despite parents asking if this could be done. Initially there was some nonsense about only having one bbq and they could use seperate sides. Then it turned into a huge (and borderline racist) furore. The local kebab place who's owner had his kids in the school even offered to run one of the bbq's. Nope, not good enough because there would be ONE bbq only and if parents didnt like it then they didnt need to come. Essentially telling half the school they were not welcome. Anyway the head finally said no to the PTA because it was exclusionary. Cue massive offence from the PTA queen bee and mega stropping.

It wasn't all bad though. The kebab shop owner opened his shop early on the day of the proposed BBQ and did a special one off £1 burger and chips for any child wearing the school uniform. Too damn right my kids had burger and chips that night. As did most of the school community judging by the size of the queue. This was about 15 years ago by the way so not a recent event incase the gutter press come trawling.

The TLDR is that you dont need fucking alcohol at every event, keep MLM out of schools please, spend the fundraised ££ on what the schools actually want, and consider your entire school community when planning events.

Honestly I see them as well meaning but sometimes tone deaf. They are all very well off (at my kids school) and assume everyone is. We are pretty well off (by my standards, not MN standards lol) but I remember being the broke kid who couldn’t go on the trips.

There you go op. Non-PTA parents are labelled as ‘lazy fuckers’ by the PTA. This is part of the problem.

Being annoyed with people who make an effort to help your child’s school and banging on about cliques is so ridiculous.

People who volunteer for their community, to help run run events for children, make friends with each other - shocker!

Honestly, either join in or don’t. But don’t keep wanging on about how terrible other people are just because you don’t want to join in. It’s childish and pathetic.

(Agreeing with you here btw @user97463!)

JFC

I like ours - I'm not on the committee/don't go to the meetings but will happily do a slot on the class stall at the summer fete and bake something when asked (only a couple of times a year).

The events are very well organised...e.g. the summer fete is always on the weekend and the whole family are welcome, or things like 'movie night' are alright after school so parents can just pick up after.
I think most/all of the PTA parents work so that helps.

Plus they are transparent on what the money is spent on - usually extra playground and art equipment plus nice things for the DC like ie lollies in hot weather or chocolate coins from Santa.

God as a member of the PTA I hope members of our school community don’t hate us as much as people on this thread seem to.

Everyone in our PTA works, some of the most active have very high powered jobs because they are really busy, effective, efficient people and good at organising things. So this SAHM club thing just isn’t relatable.

We raise money so that all of the children can have a better school experience. But also, for our PTA, it’s about cultivating a community, so offering parents a chance to socialise with each other, if they want to, so that school feels more cohesive and there is a good sense of community there.

I know so many people because of the PTA, the other members, volunteers who always help us. So I’m chatting to people at the school gate. People seem to see that as horribly cliquey.

That’s not true. The PTA also need people to volunteer and people to show up to events or to just donate.

There are of course people who don’t contribute whatsoever to the school. But I’ve never heard anyone discuss them in the PTA. Luckily we have a very active school community in our school.

The thing is, the pta does provide hugely important funds but they shouldn’t be necessary. The sense of community from events is important and the kids love it. I’ve done plenty of volunteering and will help out when I can but there are things that frustrate me:

• non commercially minded fundraisers. Eg go and spend money on sweets or cakes that will be then be sold to the kids for less than you originally paid (this one really annoys me).

• events that are predicated on too high a volunteering load which then become non viable. Eg one year our Christmas event needed around 150 volunteering slots. There are 200 kids in the school but what wasn’t factored in is siblings so even if every family volunteered (which many don’t) the event needed more slots than was just realistic for the size of the school no-one wants to go and ignore their own children for multiple hours.

• other parents treating volunteers like shit. I worked the bar one year for an event and people were really bloody horrible. No I’m not going to be as quick as professional bar staff because it’s not my job. Ditto I ran the bouncy castle one year and it was a bloody nightmare trying to keep some order and the kids safe. I told one kid off for dangerous behaviour and the dad had a go at me. It made me so cross because the kid was being dangerous and ruining it for the others and he was in my face saying ‘ don’t tell my kid off’

The last bullet point really is the killer for me. It’s not the pta that would stop me volunteering again, it’s rude parents who treat people who are trying to help like shit.

PTA chair here about to go into my third year as chair and before that vice chair for a year, I haven't read the post but we are successful and have loads of positive feedback at our events. My advice would be:

Good relationship with the head teacher and teachers they help us run our events. They also speak to me about what their kids schools ptas are doing and we steal ideas 😂.

Good relationship with office staff as you'll need them for comms and any online payments you need setting up.

Get to know the kids, we are a small village school of 130 kids, so that is probably easier for me but whenever I am in school the kids know me and I know them, it helps that the parents see that I'm friendly to the kids.

Let parents know what you're raising funds for and why

If its your first time running a certain event make it clear so parents can expect mistakes to be made

Respect the fact that turning up and spending money is just as helpful and the volunteers running the event

Understand why you are able to plan and run the event and not others and don't hassle the parents who can't help.

Make it clear that you can help all year or just one event. We have lots of parents who just help at the Christmas fayre and not throughout the year.

And the most important one I would say is focus on the kids enjoyment of the events you do, if the kids are enjoying it the parents are more likely to chill.

There are lots of Facebook groups for ideas. Look up PTA parentkind. You will need insurance for your events.

Happy to help if you have any questions.

Oh yes the top one! Always make money. You will make mistakes in the beginning but you really must focus on the fund part of fundraising. Our previous chairs left everything to the last minute and spent too much money, used to get to me every time. I almost left as vice chair because it was becoming a waste of time, but in the end they stepped down and I took over.

I agree with this. There’s a mum on the PTA who always parks on the very corner of the road where you’re absolutely not supposed to park, it’s where everyone crosses the road! She also pulls me daggers any time I see her and I think it’s because I refused to donate to a class pot TWO YEARS AGO for the reception staff end of year gift, I bought my own instead.

That’s the sort of women I think are on the PTA. They typically don’t work and have too much time on their hands now their children are in school.

It's also mind boggling how many parents here don't give a shit about what their children would actually enjoy. All the moaning about not caring if there's a fete, about how taxpayers should fund schools and how they hate being told to bring prizes or food for events.

I've never seen a child NOT enjoy a Christmas or Summer Fete, a tombola, face-painting or just running around with their school friends at a party. I'm convinced that it's those experiences that make children genuinely enjoy school and appreciate being part of a community.

PTA parents' children also tend to have a much better school experience. That's why it tends to attract a certain "type" of mother. Those are mums who know that social currency is crucial to building up self esteem and kids always tend to be inclusive of other children whose parents know each other or the teachers. Not surprisingly, those are also women who work and who probably have fairly high level careers. At some point, you realise that your network is everything and PTA isn't just a waste of time but creating a community and network for your children.

It would be quite interesting to do a study on the attitude of parents vs their children's experience of school. You rarely hear about a PTA parent struggling to get their child into school.

It's just life there are people who give and people who take, and then just like with tax paying people who take then tend to hate the people that give.

Funnily enough the takers never appear to turn down slots on PTA funded activities, and seem perfectly happy to let the PTA fund their space on trips because they don't want to pay.