Why do you hate the PTA?

[Rororo1]

I am part of a group of parents who are in the process of setting up a PTA at our primary school. When I mentioned this to a friend, she went on a long rant about how she dislikes the PTA at her child's school, and I feel like hating on the PTA is a common thing.

If you dislike your schools PTA, please can you tell me why? So we can try to avoid doing whatever it is that seems to make PTA groups so unlikeable 😅

Also please vote:

You are being unreasonable - I have no hard feelings towards the PTA at my child's school

You are not being unreasonable - I have negative feelings towards our PTA

I say this as someone who is pro PTA but does get annoyed at how some of them address other parents who can't volunteer - Oh my goodness 😆, did you really say that. 😵‍💫 Are you really inferring PTA Mums have more successful children?! Okay...

This is the reason!

Hardly anyone wants a summer or Xmas fair. People hate the obligation to go and the organisers love moaning about it.

The PTA at my school do some fantastic things, and i am happy to give them money, but i don't see why they need my time also.

So just save everyone some hassle, and ask for cash donations, once per year,

As you’re newly setting up your PTA you have the opportunity to make it better than the ones everyone is moaning about.
Our PTA is wonderful! We describe it as school provides the cake and the PTA provides the lovely cherries and sprinkles for the topping!
Our current PTA chair is amazing! She came to new parents evening during the heatwave and afterwards asked the head if the PTA could get ice lollies for the following day for all the children and staff!

I’m a PTA parent who struggles to get my children into school due to their SEN which the school can’t handle. I was with you up until that moment. I agree that social networks are vitally important to combat isolation- I wouldn’t know anyone at the school drop if I didn’t volunteer for the PTA, because I am normally the parent struggling to get my kid into school via the school office and then get off to work.

That was to User974

I don’t think many parents have the investment to actually ‘hate’ the PTA and it’s a bit of a sexist joke to slag off the PTA which is 9.9% women.

I think other parents can ruin PTAs though if they’re overly critical though of other parents who are volunteering a lot of time and just getting a lot of grief back because their face doesn’t fit. Our old PTA chair who was good resigned, so a previous Clair got voted back in. There seems to be an wierd attitude of ‘rightful ownership’ of the PTA. I valued having a new Chair of PTA for accepting all help and all ideas (even if they can’t do them all) and being happy to listen and adapt. Like when some kids have been excluded from PTA events due fo affordability, dietary or sensory needs, or other siblings’ requirements or event timings etc. So I appreciate it when the PTA can evolve with the needs of the current crop of kids. Not sure that all PTA Chairs are as open to inclusivity.

The other thing that I think some
parents misunderstand about PTAs and blame them for, is that the PTA can be only ever as good or flexible as the Head teacher allows them to be. PTAs don’t have any meaningful independence. They have to spend the money where the Head allows and no further. They have run the type of events rhe Head allows them to do. or the events that the Head asks for. PTAs must plan events in line with school caretaker hours and availability given by the Head. PTAs can’t announce dates until full Head sign off.
And with Heads being very busy people, this can mean last minute advertising of events which is really frustrating for everyone. You couldn’t pay me to be a PTA Chair at a school with a Head who wasn’t really keen to prioritise working with the PTA.

The other thing that I think some
parents misunderstand about PTAs and blame them for, is that the PTA can be only ever as good or flexible as the Head teacher allows them to be. PTAs don’t have any meaningful independence. They have to spend the money where the Head allows and no further. They have run the type of events rhe Head allows them to do. or the events that the Head asks for. PTAs must plan events in line with school caretaker hours and availability given by the Head. PTAs can’t announce dates until full Head sign off.
And with Heads being very busy people, this can mean last minute advertising of events which is really frustrating for everyone

This. Plus the head often relies on their staff to propose things to spend the money on. Which is as it should be, the school staff should be best placed to say what is needed.

Wow so much hate for the PTA. I ran/was on my school's for about 7 years and raised over £100k for the school which allowed huge improvements to the playgrounds, new minibus, new books for the school and for kids to take home, panto every year and free ice lollies on sports day plus other stuff.

Everyone says tax should pay for it but I'm pretty sure you'd complain more if they put tax up to better fund school's.

Yes we were constantly asking for volunteers but in a school of over 600 kids we had less than 10% help. I am not a stay at home mum I work and so did the majority of our committee and we managed to fit it in as we made it our priority. I took annual leave several time to spend the day making raffle prize hampers or to be in school for a children only event. We wanted kids to have the best school experience possible and help those less fortunate. Everyone took home a Christmas/Mothers day gift whether they'd paid for one or not. Stalls at the fetes were 20p. We got cheap tickets for funfairs/farms/theatre for people to buy.

And yet we got constantly moaned at. Why are you doing that event on that day i can't attend. Why aren't you organising X. My kid doesn't like Y. Have you thought about Z. All from people who never volunteered.

We definitely did not get any special treatment by the school for kids getting better parts in productions etc. And if any school did do that then thats the heads fault.

The hate for school ptas really makes me sad. No other charity volunteers get such hate. At least the ones who knock on doors get paid.

@Chilly80 I don't hate our PTA. I DO hate comments and the attitude that "I manage it so why can't everyone else". You never ever know what people are dealing with. I was a Governor. I gave it up for health reasons and have since changed schools. I am very invested in my child and the school (so give very generously) but I genuinely have zero capacity to give my time. Noone knows my history or health issues or that I live with chronic, daily pain. On the surface I look like someone who ONLY works part time and doesn't volunteer. So I assume I lumped into those that don't that should? It's great you can "prioritise volunteering". Wonderful. A great deal of people cannot for a myriad of reasons that aren't your business. I wouldn't have dreamed of casting judgment towards parents who didn't support the school as a Governor. Your attitude (and others who've said the same on the thread) is partially why people harbour Ill feeling towards some PTA's.

You volunteered because you wanted to. You do good deeds because you want to. That really should be where it stops. Not I can and do so everyone could/should.

PTA helpers I know of, definitely don’t judge or generalise about people who don’t help..
PTA helpers come in and out of helping like anyone else does.
Personally I only judge the persistent moaners who moan aggressively and don’t help. Obviously it’s not moaning to simply suggest new ideas or give feedback, even if it’s negative feedback.
It is moaning though, to say ‘why can’t we do it how we’ve always done’ when what you’ve always done excludes a swathe of kids at the school, and it’s been made clear that the event is being done a different way to be inclusive, and they still don’t care. They don’t care about kids who aren’t theirs, at all. Not even a tiny bit.

Some of the comments here are very naive. Do you 'taxpayers should fund this' lot really think if all PTAs downed tools, the government is going to step in and fill the gap in school budgets? 😂😂😂😂😂We have school buildings literally falling down in the UK. Our LA, like most, won't pay for any specialist SEN education, despite being legally obliged, unless the parent takes them to court. We currently have a government deciding how many child rapists it would be OK to release early because they can't afford to build prisons.

The fact is nurseries, toddler groups, creches, women's shelters, playgrounds, youth groups would not exist at all if mothers didn't do this work for free in their spare time. That's why PTAs are full of grumpy, cliquey women - because they are tired of asking and doing everything while everyone else sits around bitching about them.

As for the 'they should just spend their time writing grant applications' 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I work in this area professionally. You have NO IDEA the amount of time, resources and preparation it takes to secure grants - which generally have a 0-5% success rate. It's not just filling in a form.

I never said more successful but definitely a more enjoyable experience of school. School is nothing more but a giant community and "third space" for children and parents. It's obvious that the more accepted and welcomed you are within that community, the better you will feel about being there. It's a self-fulfilling cycle. PTA parents spend more time at school and with other parents. Their children end up spending more time together outside of classes. They feel more involved in the community and school events. They learn that volunteering your time to help make things fun at school is a worthwhile cause. They don't see school as a traumatic or hateful place where they feel like they don't belong.

This has nothing do with academics since any child may struggle with grades. But community plays a massive role in how happy any child might feel about their life there. Probably taboo to say it out loud, but a huge number of PTA kids (and teacher's kids) are well-adjusted, popular and well-liked within the school community. And that's exactly the reason some mothers do it. They know that by playing an active role in the school, it gives their children a head start and nips a lot of potential issues in the bud. Especially in younger years, children find a lot of comfort in knowing their parents have some sort of of official "role" in their school, even if it's just sporadically. They might see their mum around in the corridors or setting up for an event and that makes a huge difference on their mindset. School is a fun and safe space to hold events and make good memories.

I daresay it's much harder for a child growing up like that to develop intensely negative feelings about school, to the point they don't want to attend anymore. Or they hate it with such a passion they refuse to stay in contact with anybody once they leave.

I don't get why they are called PTA's. At every school my girls have been too they are solely run by parents, teachers aren't actively involved other than maybe helping on a stall at summer fayre once a year.

Other than that, I don't get the vitriol towards them. They organise school discos (optional) ice cream sales (optional) summer fayre (optional) Christmas fayre (optional). The only one that annoys me is the incessant mufti days - they aren't really optional.
Help out or don't. Send your child to an event or don't

All our PTA are busy working mums and dads, who fit it around they work. My friend used to be head of it, and her dining table was constantly filled with raffle tickets, prizes and other PTA stuff, she dedicated so much time to it and raised a phenomenal amount, alongside working full time, a DH who worked away lots, supporting one of her children who has additional needs etc. It wasn't that she had lots of time, she didn't.

I think 'PTA' is a USA-ism and they are slightly different there. Here they are, as you say, parent fundraising organisations.

Absolutely some people can't for lots of reasons and I have no problem with them but most people can but don't because they think someone else will sort it. If you are going to the summer fete for example anyway then you can run a stall for an hour. That's a problem not just with PTAs but the world in general most people are selfish and entitled. And I lump myself in that too, I'm certainly not perfect and should do more.

Constant pressure like - 'we can't do this event without helpers' and 'out of all you people someone must be able to help'

Sorry, that should have been socially successful.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the point you are making. But accept that this is the experience you have had. Lots of children with Mum's who volunteer at school don't do well socially. I don't think it's universally as insulating from issues as you describe. I do disagree. Only because I have seen or been involved in many schools and PTAs from different capacities. My friends child has a rough time socially. She's PTA plus lots of other things.

I think it is important to recognise that parents and children may seek and feel this community in other aspects of their life. There are some people who find centering your child's identity/socialising largely around school/school friends potentially problematic. Lots of children rub along and enjoy school perfectly well without their parents being centred in and driving their social interactions. I do agree about the importance of belonging and environment. The PTA is an important function. Any child with parents who are invested however they see fit get a head start. It's not exclusive to Mums who are active in school volunteering.

It's the forced teaming I resent. If you're going to buy new stuff for the school I guess my kids will end up using it, it's not like I can really opt out of that - so then if I don't want to feel like a useless ingrate I have to show and help, and I really, really don't want to. So I guess to the OP I would say give people different ways of contributing including contributing cash and try not to arrange events that will keave kids disappointed if their parents can't come? Do that and I would have no problems with the PTA.

But that's just stating a fact. We can't do events without helpers. And often people are cross if we don't manage to run them
We had to cancel an event at short notice last week, purely due to a lack of helpers

The PTA will have a bank account. I am sure they wouldn't turn down cash donations.
we have a couple of parents and one nearby resident (non parent) who have contacted us and set up standing orders

Do other schools not have direct giving programmes? Both my kids schools encourage monthly direct debits to support the school. If you want to give money just do that.

I do donate money but it doesn't let me off from being included in the requests for volunteers and it would be a bit distasteful if it did tbh. They would need to start saying something like "we welcome all help whether that is volunteering, donations or participation in events". Instead at our school you just get a whatsapp asking what cake you are supplying and what shifts you are going to do at what stall. I just ignore them now, I did it for years.

I ended up not hating but being annoyed with the PTA:
volunteered to help at a Christmas fete (Saturday) - they had been going in and on about needing more people
As I was working full time my weekends were v v full with catching up on things so I reorganised my weekend cramming as much as possible into the Friday evening / night.
Turned up on the Saturday morning - to be told ‘oh don’t worry you’re not needed’
I felt like I was back at the school - not in the cool girls’ gang!

our PTA are lovely. They do some fab events and communicate well.

What I do like about them is that they’re are non pushy and not OTT. Probably not the case for many though

Sounds like a lot of fund-raisers, we've said many times that rather the=an cater for a poorly attended Church coffee morning by baking, providing raffle prizes etc we could all just thrown £30 into the kitty and still be in profit. It's fun to see the seriously hideous raffle prizes circulating, one I gave, having won it elsewhere, is still doing the rounds 5 years later!