Why do you hate the PTA?

[Rororo1]

I am part of a group of parents who are in the process of setting up a PTA at our primary school. When I mentioned this to a friend, she went on a long rant about how she dislikes the PTA at her child's school, and I feel like hating on the PTA is a common thing.

If you dislike your schools PTA, please can you tell me why? So we can try to avoid doing whatever it is that seems to make PTA groups so unlikeable 😅

Also please vote:

You are being unreasonable - I have no hard feelings towards the PTA at my child's school

You are not being unreasonable - I have negative feelings towards our PTA

Exactly. Stop patronising people, being hollier than thou, inventing stupid ways to waste everyone's time and money, just ask for voluntary donations and prepare a couple of fairs/shows a year. Stop All the rest with home made low sugar organic best bake off sales, raffles where I need to buy ten pound tokens in advance for "winning" second hand ugly things and shite. Use donations to buy things kids actually need or get them the organic bakes with that money then. Just don't ask me to bake and don't patronise me by pretending you're better than me cos you also have oh-so-busy lives but are so amazing and such a martyr cos you can find the time and I must be shit cos you're doing this for the good of the school and everyone else is just selfish and lazy.

We held two main events Christmas and the Summer Fair. So the meetings were arranged around these events and were online. We did meet for drinks or a meal after the event to celebrate.
I only volunteered when my youngest was at primary (volunteered years 5&6) and the oldest had started secondary. My husband pulled his weight when I had meetings or events.
I never did anything after school as I didn’t have the time only a couple of zoom meetings in the evening. We organised the cupboard/prep on the weekend, usually a Saturday. And the events were held on a weekend.

We bought/ revamped playground equipment. There were a number of educational subscriptions that we also paid for. The head wanted the money on the playground equipment and we agreed with him. We paid for a gardener who ran educational lessons in the school garden linked to the curriculum. The gardener was a ‘staff’ cost that didn’t always sit well with us but the children loved their gardening lessons so we felt it was a good use of money. We also kept some money back so that if a future year needed additional money then it was available. It was always a discussion with us parents and the head.

We also communicated what we spent the money on too. We asked for feedback from parents around what we were spending money. I couldn’t have done it if I had two younger ones. We did have some dads who were actively involved so that was good too.

All our meetings are in the evening. People can also join on zoom

But we sort a lot over email /WhatsApp so there are often flurries of messages at lunchtime /once kids are in bed.

I managed a volunteering for two other charities too. And a chronic illness. But said chronic illness means I can't get out to socialise much and I can't do lots of sport, so volunteering fills that gap for me I guess. My job is very busy and very full time so having other commitments actually helps as it forces me to switch off.

As a staff we disliked our PTA because they'd raise thousands but when we'd ask them to pay for something, they'd refuse.

I don't hate our PTA. The constant "just a little reminder" on the back of 40,000 other little reminders gets a bit tedious, and the constant money for this, money for that does drive you mad occasionally. But... they're doing an extremely worthwhile voluntary role, which in our school raises thousands each year which means more enrichment for the kids, so I admire their enthusiasm for it. I'd probably join if it didn't seem like a full time job in itself. Most of them are either sahms or seem to have the world's most flexible undemanding jobs. My job is very local to the school and pretty flexible on the whole, but I'm still required to be in the office the majority of the week, I can't just be sacking off days to sort through secondhand uniform or helping to set up fundraisers left right and centre.

I admire them tbh, as they do a lot, and they're only recieving the same benefit as the rest of the parents. Which is enhancing the school experience for all the children.

They're fucking dangerous these days though... No more getting away with the trusty "oh what a shame, we forgot our coins for the cake sale" now Sharon can whip out her SumUp device at the drop of a hat. Smug cow.

I don’t hate them but I’m self- employed and so is hubby which means we can’t commit to things and it can feel like they think that’s an excuse? Most have stable 9-5 or are SAHM and our jobs are all over the place. I offer to do what I can, and it’s very much ‘if you can’t commit don’t bother’. A lot often have kids similar age- ours are spread out and we have to make choices sometimes when events clash and we have secondary school age kids too. It can be a bit judgy.
Also, there’s just too much stuff on. Is there need for a class party/ BBQ/ summer fair/ afterschool cinema/ ice cream afternoons/ class tripetc etc etc. I sometimes wish they’d do fewer but bigger events so that more money is raised in one go and it not be exhausting for the kids and everyone else. My kids are just DONE at the end of term.

What were they doing with the money then?
Did they have an official bank account?

I’m grateful for the PTA volunteers for doing things my kids would not otherwise get to do like a summer fair with stalls and a bouncy castle and paying for new playground equipment for them to play on. The PTA helping the kids to choose and wrap donated Xmas presents for their parents is really nice. For some of the single parents that was their only present from their kids. That’s a really important family support to have available. Or the uniform sales. Nobody else does it if the PTA doesn’t exist.

I have no idea why some PP get so arsey about other people doing stuff that any one else is totally free to ignore.

PTA events give the kids a sense of the parents working together and wider community supporting their school, which is a nice feeling for them. It allows parents who want to, to meet each other. The kids have fun. I’m happy with that.

Our PTA all seem to have high flying jobs. I practically snorted at the idea we have undemanding jobs. Although quite a few of us work from home so I guess if you met us at school pickup it would be easy to assume we are SAHMS/have "little" jobs.
It's pretty much the opposite in my experience, they are an interesting bunch with all sorts of interesting jobs - which probably explains why we don't manage to do all the things people think we "should" be doing

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes our PTA have used some funds recently for the playground.

It is a relief to hear you would have found it more challenging had your kids been younger.

I think maybe for the op, this is something to acknowledge…we have received a PA message from the PTA before for not having enough volunteers for an event that took place at 7pm. It was to a WA group of 90 parents of reception kids.

I will possibly consider joining PTA but only when my kids are older. They are currently 5 and 2 and i’m failing at life in every way already without more volunteering!

The constant ask for money at expensive times of year. Mainly at Christmas and just before the summer break. 5000000 different events which end up making you feel like a crap mum if you can’t afford to do it for your child.

This.

It would be crap if our school didn't have the summer and winter fayre. The kids have a great time.

X

Don't hate them, but am a bit sad how ours has changed in recent years. No problem with change - thats inevitable as people come and go.
But our area has been starting to gentrify and the richer parents coming in are taking over. Ours used to be run by a great bunch of no nonsense working class parents. They did cheap, cheerful, tried and tested events. Raised a bit of money but focussed more on getting people together, made it easy for people to help, fun for the kids. The new parents focus is all on raising money and some have been critical of the old group.

The only good thing about the summer/Xmas fairs are the raffle. I dislike them otherwise, don't go to them at either school but I will buy a load of raffle tix.

That reminds me of the last school fete I helped out at. Spent about an hour sorting the second hand uniform (which was in piles/bags), hanging it all up on hangers etc. then someone from the PTA came over and started barking orders. Why didn’t you just do it yourself or tell me what you wanted BEFORE I started this.

Then one of the nice members told me and another helper to help myself to an ice cream, so we did, then someone else moaned at us for it. Sigh…

Really not rocket science is it.

Sorry to have singled that out specifically, just more generally a lot of the comments are of the ‘just help out’ or ‘give time or money’ variety and so many families in our area could do neither and I feel they shouldn’t be looked down on for that.

Hear you on ‘I’m far too busy with my important job’ crowd - for me it’s usually I’m far too disorganised and have a terrible memory. Thinking of constructive feedback to the OP maybe a good tip would be to look for lots of ways people can help - time, money, even just spreading the word an event is happening.

sadly, every school I have seen who TRIED to raise money that way - by a voluntary contribution at the beginning of the year , completely failed. Parents always say they would prefer paying, but they usually don't.

Movie nights, disco, fairs are not only to raise money either, they bring something extra for the kids.

I would say just asking for a contribution at the beginning of the year isn’t ideal though. Throughout the year may be more effective. Optional £1 on non-uniform day could be more effective as an alternative to bringing something in for a raffle.

Our PTA is close to folding as the chair person and treasurer have stepped down. I’m thinking about volunteering but I just don’t get on with the HT so not sure I’m the best person to take it on!!!

On a more important point, those of you who said you’d rather pay money once a year and not do anything. How about an Amazon wishlist? Would anyone take it upon themselves to buy something from there to save the amount of fundraising the pta would need to do?

That depends on the school and the PTA.

Ours raises a lot, and one of the things they pay for is all the coaches for any school trips. They do not get any say over what the school trips are. But it means that it’s not unusual for a trip to be free (if the activity is something free like a museum) or if not then pretty cheap, because the coach is often the expensive part. They always say on the letter “the coaches are being funded by the PTA” so parents can see a real benefit to the money raised. The school does a fair few trips because of this - my DD in year 2 has done 3 this year and it’s not been expensive for us at all.

Christ. I only made the comment based on my own experience of many kids finding it quite awkward. I suppose it depends on the set up. A lot of it is just stalls with crap to sell. Other schools may have more exciting stuff apparently.

Absolutely. Though somethings like a new swing or veg patch won't be on amazon so still need to also be able to donate.

Yes i would buy something from a wishlist if it were essential for the school.

I am from a family of community spirited volunteers; my wife isn't. When the little one started school, she took the opportunity to join our family tradition and volunteer. I had no idea how people (women) hate the PTA.

I was standing in the queue for an event when my wife was selling raffle tickets and heard about 4 women slagging her off. Was quite hilarious how the Mum guilt was rife, saying she obviously didn't work, and how the other Mums were just too busy (shed took the day off work to do it)

Anyway, read another PTA thread on MN about the comity all wearing Boden; it really ticked me, so I bought her a nice Boden dress to wear at the next event that no doubt got her slagged off even more. Very proud of the work she does for all the children, and she is my hot little Boden bitch lol.

Go for it OP; haters always gonna hate!!