Why do you hate the PTA?

[Rororo1]

I am part of a group of parents who are in the process of setting up a PTA at our primary school. When I mentioned this to a friend, she went on a long rant about how she dislikes the PTA at her child's school, and I feel like hating on the PTA is a common thing.

If you dislike your schools PTA, please can you tell me why? So we can try to avoid doing whatever it is that seems to make PTA groups so unlikeable 😅

Also please vote:

You are being unreasonable - I have no hard feelings towards the PTA at my child's school

You are not being unreasonable - I have negative feelings towards our PTA

They constantly ask for money. I don’t hate them personally but there’s always something that needs paying for.

I don’t hate them, I just have no interest or time and it all feels about convoluted ways to make you feel guilty and or spend money.

I also feel like it often attracts a type of woman that I am not, I don’t fit in with and often feel a bit judged by. I rarely go to school events or do the school run as I work full time in the nhs and I’m chronically ill. I also volunteer elsewhere as does my husband (hundreds of hours a year).

also lots of the events I have absolutely no interest in and don’t always feel particularly inclusive in the community.

oh and I rarely see what benefit the pta have achieved and feel that schools should be fully and abundantly funded through taxation.

They constantly whine about wanting volunteers but when I show up to volunteer I am ignored and when I try and muddle along and get stuff done people will come over and start redoing stuff I've done. I'm not wasting my time trying to help where I'm not wanted. I do sincerely mean ignored as well, I'm not being obtuse or socially awkward.

You are not being unreasonable. Everyone wants a summer fair / winter fair etc… most fuckers don’t want to organise it.

Also, it might have escaped everyone’s notice, but schools need funding!

Stop moaning about kind, community minded people who want to help your children’s schools. Hey, maybe you could even offer to HELP! Bake a cake or something? It’s not hard. You might even have fun!

I was strong armed into joining mine, I mean the mum really would not accept my no I'm busy response. She insisted I could just join and attend when available.

I run my own busy business by the way.

I stuck it out for two years showing up for one or two events in every three. I was constantly met with pas-ag remarks from her and her four side kicks. "We need people for X... Let me guess - you're too busy." They are all SAHMs and very competitive about who has the most children, who does the best parenting etc.

One day while serving drinks at an event they all began bitching aggressively about the other lazy members who barely show up for stuff. I got cross and said "either you accept lots of people that can only come occasionally or you only take a few people who can commit to a lot. It's up to you." There were lots of looks exchanged then silence.

I texted in afterwards and left the group but said I would still volunteer once or twice a year and I do. Two actually apologised to me.

And running stupid events as well, like asking everyone to buy an Easter egg for a raffle which we then all supposed to buy tickets for. Why wouldn't we just go buy the Easter egg and take it home? You're basically asking me to spend double to maybe win a crappier Easter egg than I bought in the first place.

I'm convinced most of the hate is simply the fact that PTA parents make other parents feel excluded and like they're not doing enough. PTA mums are always those chatting with each other at the school gate or being active in the class Whatsapp, which in MN land is enough to get you vilified for being "horribly cliquey".

There's nothing you can inherently do with the structure of a PTA to make all parents like you. Some are hellbent on hating and you may need to accept that. It's the same people who moan about how useless and annoying class Whatsapp groups are, and make it impossible for any other parents to contact them.

Our PTA is great. They raise a lot of money with fun things (that I do hate going to but must admit my children enjoy) which is then really well spent.

Some of the events could be improved. But equally, they’re volunteers so I wouldn’t be too critical.

Most people on the PTA a lovely volunteers giving up their time to benefit the school.

Some are people who dearly lovely the sound of their own voice, and have a real sense of self importance. I don’t think there’s anything you can really do stop people like that joining. But they do annoy people.

Well our PTA decided to do a coffee morning for the parents (nothing to do wuth the kids) nobody showed up, and they went on a FB rant on the school page and told us we dont care about our kids as we don't care about the school.

I told them I have a job, and they replied saying they have jobs too and managed to fit this coffee morning in (then deleted my comment when I said they obviously organised said coffee morning around their jobs).

So yeah, they can all get fucked.

Its been a while since I had the displeasure of being subject to a PTA but off the top of my head:

The kids of PTA parents always got 'the best' parts in school productions and the most awards and rewards.

PTA were forever asking for money, often repeatedly.

When anyone outside the PTA volunteered, they were ignored and sneered at because they weren't 'one of us'.

PTA was run by the rich parents who had a SAHP and had time to devote to it. A lot of working parents like me were judged and looked down on for being uninvolved.

I don't hate them. Just learned quickly to stay in my lane.

That's their point.
They're a fundraiser group 😂

Because the ones at my daughters school where all very well. And didn’t seem too consider maybe not every one is. The events were so expensive and it got ridiculous. A lot of us simply couldn’t afford it and stopped going.

I don't hate them, I'm actually a volunteer for mine, but my god they want more than you can give.
Time, cakes, toys, clothes, uniform, stationery, tins, volunteers, set up, break down, more meetings, selling ticket, giving out ice lollies...the list goes on.

The good thing (about ours) is the money raised is very transparent and you can see what it's being spent on. The biggies We've had include playground equipment, a bike and scooter shed and bikes. The smaller things include Easter eggs for all the kids, icepops after school on hot days, selection boxes for Santa to give out, fresh donuts in autumn, trick or treat stations at Halloween...that's all I can think of right now. But you do see your money being spent on things that make school just nicer for the kids.

Not quite what you asked but in my opinion PTAs shouldn't exist because they undermine the professionalism of teachers and make up the shortfall in government funding.
Let educators educate and let the government fund that.

Everyone wants a summer fair / winter fair etc… most fuckers don’t want to organise it.

I don't want a fair, thanks.

Also, it might have escaped everyone’s notice, but schools need funding!

That's what taxation is for.

This response perfectly illustrates the problem for me. I don't want to volunteer, I'm a lone parent working full time, I'm permanently exhausted, poor and rushed off my feet and I don't want to bake a bloody cake. But the PTA don't accept polite refusal, it's all guilt tripping and moral superiority.

The pta at my sons school is awful.
It's made up of a group of the most unfriendly, clicky people I've ever met.
One mum who i jokingly refer to as head honcho is not only on the pta, but involved in every single decision in our village, sports events, planning meeting, village bbq etc she is involved. I often feel i can't move for her being bloody everywhere. As she's involved in everything she acts like she's superior to mere mortals like me 🙄
Every event is planned with booze in mind and kids not so much so, for example the pta organised a school disco supposedly for the kids. It had a well stocked bar but the actual disco itself was rubbish. Just music played through a speaker no organised activities to get the kids involved.
In the playground they stand together excluding everyone else, often in my way as I'm trying to get a pushchair round to get to my sons class. Don't acknowledge my existence unless it's to suddenly start asking for money at which point they turn into sweetness and light.
I've made a massive effort with these women but to zero effect.
It's big on mean girl energy.

I actually don’t think everyone wants summer and winter fairs though tbh. I certainly don’t. They are boring and awkward. And the pressure to find something for the tombola. I know a lot of parents end up buying something to put on it for a loss to then by made. Would be easier for parents just to donate some money.

DC1 is in Reception and basically both times i’ve signed him up for the school disco, i’ve been made to volunteer to help run it, with no instructions and other complicated shit. So for the 3rd time i am just not bothering with it at all.

We did also have a massively arsey message from them once saying it was ‘disappointing’ that only x number of people out of x number families in our school had volunteered to help with an event which started at 7pm, when many of us are putting our kids to bed.

PTA's don't educate.
They raise money and organise fun stuff like Christmas fairs.
You'd soon be complaining if teachers cut back on lesson time to organise a fair.

So interestingly you’ve highlighted another problem that has come up at my school. The SUGAR.

We had the donut thing one pick up time. It was a disaster. It was advertised everywhere for ages and parents were annoyed that they then felt pressure to get their kid a donut which they didn’t want to pay for or for their kid to be eating crap. Then what happened was that there were just huge queues and they sold out and left lots of kids disappointed. It’s just not neccesary.

I don’t hate our PTA. The women in it are nice, I just don’t have the time to join. They do lots of good event like the Christmas and summer fairs, school discos, special occasion gifts, cake sales and more, and raise £15k plus every year for the school which seeing as it’s an infant school so only has 3 years in it makes a huge difference for equipment. Yes the government should fund school properly but they don’t, and those doing something about it get a better education for their DCs.

I genuinely don’t get why anyone wants a school Christmas fair.

This

I thought I'd sign up as they needed volunteers for something or other
3 hours of my life I'm never getting back

They where snobby,refused to speak to me,sighed heavily whenever I did something and then re-did it,ignored me when i tried to ask anything and I over heard one slagging me off over my ds (him and her kid didn't get along,which is fine,but her kid wasn't the angel she thinks she is)

I heard 'what do you expect?she's the head of my surname family'

That's when I told the snotty bitch to get stuffed and walked out

I'm used to my face not fitting but this was ridiculous

It happened to lots of us-if you didn't belong to their friendship group,they didn't want to know you but then would beg for volunteers!

They worked their way through so many volunteers,who would then refuse to help anymore due to their behaviour

God knows what happened in the end as my lot left the school

It’s fun for the children and raises money for the school, which gives children a better education and experiences.

I unfortunately think there are a lot of stereotyping and misinformation about what PTAs do which puts people off - when half the time it's not actually true.
(to be honest for health and safety reasons the PTA I was on preferred shop bought cakes for any cake sales rather than homemade - it's not hard to add a box of Mr Kipling cakes to your food shop. You don't have to make cakes 😂)