AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

Thats really not the point.

And where does it stop? Do you just do anything that other people ask you to do?

In the words of my youth “if someone asked you to jump off a cliff would you do it?” Stop advocating for people pleasing mentality.

I'd do this if I could and I wanted to. And I would want to. I like my neighbours and I like their cat!

But they go back to their home country for 4 weeks every summer and asked me once to look after their pets in my home and I just couldn't.

Given that you can't and that both you and your son have plans, it's absolutely not your problem.

How could it be?

What a bunch of dicks.

OP I get you physically can’t do it and your son doesn’t want to but all the posters saying ‘do not engage’ blah blah blah. What a bunch of miserable humans 😂

There's bound to be a teenager around (unless you're somewhere isolated) who would be interested in making a bit of money cat-sitting. Whilst it definitely isn't your job to find someone, I'm guessing that you may know other parents of teens, and could perhaps put the word around, and provide the reassurance she'll need that they are trustworthy kids. Or suggest that she posts on neighbourhood Facebook/Whatsapp, or contact a local scouts/guides leader to try and find someone.

This. Suspect she's arranged a friend's child to come do it. Twice a day for 2wks for £30 and the "cat sitter" has decided they're "sick" because it's so bloody hot and they can't be bothered.

Twice a day is an unreasonable ask. It stops you from doing all sorts of things.

Yanbu that it's not your problem to solve, but it would be good for your son to have a little bit of responsibility and to earn a bit of money. My suggestion to your son would be that he can offer that for the first week only (your dogsitter doing week2) he will do one visit per day (setting an auto-timer for the 2nd meal - timer devices are readily available from your nearest pet supplies store) and will charge her the same rate as the dog sitter would for that service.

You can agree with your son that across the 7 days you will cover for him on 2 of them if he ends up doing things that are incompatible with keeping to this (you obviously getting the money for those two)

Of course neither you nor your son are responsible for creating a solution bit unless he's actually doing something constructive with his time already it is beneficial to your son to get him to do something.

and when she she abruptly responds ''no good, what am I supposed to do the other days?'' without so much as a thanks and throws her help back in her face like she did when OP offered contact details for her own pet sitter?

If you want help, don't be rude and entitled and you may find people more willing to help.

The OP is working, and her son is enjoying a much needed break after his exams. They don't need to discuss their availability or come to a compromise.

As for it not being time consuming, OP has already said it's not a case of nipping in and out, as the cat needs brushing and will need bringing in each night. Which means she, or her son could be waiting around trying to tempt the cat inside.

There will be other options out there for the neighbour, they're just a lot more expensive than trying to get a teenager to do 2 weeks care for just £30.

But the OP and her son have their own plans and won't be at home for part of the time themselves so it's not really about a willingness to help someone out.

Tbh, given this fact, it was a completely pointless thread but that's MN for you! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would reply “No idea, start calling around places. Hope you find someone. Shame I’m away for work or I would have tried to help you out”

no, it’s not your problem

There is no way I would want my teenager tied in for a two weeks to cat sit twice a day for £30!

She’s been let down at the last minute by her cat sitter & she goes on holiday tomorrow, so she’s in a really desperate & unique situation. Why not show her some kindness & help out for the first week? You haven’t given a reason why you can’t help & surely you could split it between you & your son.

I’ve got a chronic illness at the moment & I haven’t asked any of my neighbours for help but so many have offered, including to walk my dog & showed up with food & flowers. Never dismiss community spirit, kindness & good relations with your neighbours, it really has the potential to make each other’s lives so much better/worse. It’s not the situation you want to be in but you now get to choose whether or not she gets to go on holiday, or cancels & looses her money. Don’t spoil that for her, be kind.

I didn't know if yabu but I do know you are being very mean. How hard is it to go next door twice a day and feed the cat? Honestly you are very selfish. But you do have the right to say no

My son will be away once the weather has cooled down, as I’ve said in a pp.

My son has a job and already has responsibilities. He is also allowed to have some fun after his A levels.

Same here.

Her options are to phone round every pet sitter/walker who would do drop ins or find a cattery. I suspect it isn’t that which is the issue more like she doesn’t want to pay the going rate.

Exactly this.

Who on earth has voted you are being unreasonable??

Absolutely not! Your son deserves to come and go with complete freedom! A day or so, yes. Two WEEKS? No chance.

It's the pushy entitlement from her that would put me off. The whole "well what do I do now?" attitude.

However I hope she does find someone, as I know what it's like to try and find animal care when you're going on holiday. Personally I would help, but I WFH and have my own animals with me, and I am always around for them. But I can totally see why a teen doesn't want to be tied down. Any way you can do it, op?

your poor neighbour. It’s not like it would kill you both to do it between you. And your son’s reason for not helping - Jesus wept.

Do cats really care if left alone provided they have food and water? Surely your DS could just pop round and feed and water the cat once or twice a day? They’re not the same as
dogs.

No she isn’t being mean. Her son said no, she’s not around much, and that’s the end of it.

It’s not your problem, but she did have arrangements in place. To help her out, for one time only, I’d do the first week.

I would've put in my OP that there's unlikely to be one of you at home every day of the fortnight. Because that makes it a question of practicalities more than reasonableness. It's not actually a commitment anyone should take on if they aren't intending to be around.

I would do it because I love cats and I am retired. In fact I might set myself up as cat sitter🐕. However times have changed and working people have busy lives and commitments. It really is on pet owners to employ professional pet sitters or board the pets. It costs a fortune but holidays are not really feasible without this in place.

I would look after her cat for a week but her attitude isn't good. Though it's incredibly frustrating to have a sitter let you down last minute. I'd suggest she gets on Rover/Pawshake asap and phone catteries, gets on Facebook etc or calls in a favour with a mate or other neighbour.