AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

I agree.

It's easy to say it's just 10 minutes, but in reality it's much longer and also creates the expectation that you're happy to help. Next time she goes away you'll probably be the first person she asks, because you're cheaper than a professional.

It's ok to say no. It's a shame her planned care has fallen through, but there will be other options. The problem is they're expensive, and she's hoping for a cheaper / free alternative.

They are very sufficient, apart from when you need to wail at them every night to get them in or post on social media they are missing. The stinking cat litter. The dead mice/birds or half alive ones. The shitting in garden and covering lightly so your hands go into it when gardening ... horrid things. I don't blame you @Thepartwhereidrun tying yourself to someone else's pet choices

You have helped her find someone and you did a great job finding someone for 50% of the time. This "what am I supposed to do attitude" is ridiculous and awful. Your son is under no obligation to help nor are you. Tbh I looked after my neighbours cat a couple of times and it was a hassle bec I always had to make sure I got home etc. It is another responsibility on your mind! I wouldn't do it again. Also it kind of became expected and she started asking every time she went away. I said no I wasnt available the next time. She will find someone she can ask another neighbour or look on the nextdoor app there are plenty of people around..

She’s being a bit rude because she’s desperate and panicking. It’s not your problem of course, but if the alternative is she has to cancel a two week holiday, surely between you and your son, one of you could pop round twice a day for the first week? I’d be charging her about £100 for it though.

My son doesn’t know when he’ll be here as he has loose plans with friends and gf to go camping at some point once the weather cools down and is also having a night away to go to a concert. I can’t tell him he has to help and wouldn't try to.

I did say in my op that I told her I can’t help. I am away with work 3 days next week and 2 days the week after. I did try to help by contacting our sitter.

It would be longer than 10 minutes a day with feeding, changing the litter tray, brushing, finding the cat to come in at night etc. She offered my son £30. 🤨 Even if she had offered him a reasonable amount of money, he still would have said no as he has plans.

Of course her cat isn't your responsibility.
But did she think your son might like to earn a few quid during his long break (as of days of yore)?
Has she rung round all the catteries and in-home carers within say a 20 mile radius to check availability? That's her job not yours.
We've got two mogs. Cattery costs are part of our holiday package for trips longer than a week.
But we've a great reciprocal arrangement with neighbours whose home we keep an eye on for 25% of the year. In return they'll feed our mogs for up to a week at a time. (They understandably don't want to be tied beyond that).
All of us in our road do occasional mutual favours like car lifts, watching out for stuff sticking out of letterboxes for too long, loan of sack truck (!) etc.
You never know when you might need help in a hurry from someone on the spot and for many people - even those with lots of relatives - that comes from a neighbour.
So I'd say if you can help this woman even just this once then do so but make it clear that she needs Plan B in place for cat care next time she goes away.

She is being rude & entitled but you could point her in the direction of catinaflat. She'd have to pay, of course

It not your problem no, but this really is what is wrong with the world today. A huge number of people will not put themselves out the tiniest bit to help someone else. It would be a kind and neighbourly thing to do. One day they might do you a favour in return. We don't have nice communities anymore because of stuff like this. Let's look out for help each other a bit more and the world might be a nicer place. I think this a lot on mums net.

I've just read your follow up post and noted contents.

Oh yeah I wouldn’t be brushing her cat and finding it to lock it in.

If it was a simple refill dry food and top up water sure. But not a pampered pussy.

£30 for 2 weeks care.

Bloody hell, what a cheapskate.

No wonder she's desperate to try and get him to do it. Proper cat sitters would cost her a heck of a lot more.

Even though I love cats and would be more than happy to look after one for a week, her attitude would piss me off.

I wonder did her cat sitter really let her down at the last minute or if she didn't want to pay the going rate.

Did she assume she'd get away with £30 to a teenager instead of the usual £200+ to a sitter calling twice a day?

It’s her problem. I did it once when I was a lot younger (under pressure) and it was a bit of a nightmare. They were waiting for me when I got home from work, were all over me for company (I’m
not keen on cats), and one went missing for three days just before the neighbours returned and I thought I’d get the blame. She’d said before she left that she’d “see me right” - yeah, a box of milk tray and the cheapest bottle of wine when I’d saved them hundreds from using a cattery. Then she whinged because I hadn't rinsed out the empty cat food tins before putting them in the wheely bin and made it smell. Never again.

You have helped her by offering contact details of your dog sitter who can help for one of the weeks and you got attitude in return.

I wouldn't be interested in helping her any further now even if I could.

Yeah I’d happily feed a cat but finding it to come in every evening would be a no from me.

And tbh people don’t become rude and entitled overnight so I doubt that before her rude “no good, what am I supposed to do?” message she was overly neighbourly. So that would also put me off.

My DS has just finished his A levels and I’ve barely seen him for the last few weeks between sleeping late and going out as soon as he crawls out of bed. He definitely wouldn’t be in a position to look after a cat. We’re just grateful he’s taking showers 😂

Why do people do this? I put mine in a cattery to be properly looked after if Im going away for more than 2 days.

A nice community is people mutually being nice and having normal ,well, nice conversations and helping eaxh other out

That is a decent community this is not that

My cat would absolutely hate a cattery. It would stress her out no end. We're lucky that my neighbour & I help each other out

I love cats but I think it’s cheeky to make it her problem! Have you got a street what’s app group as she could ask on there - teenagers on my street do it for some extra cash etc.

I do agree it’s a tie through. I helped out a friend over Xmas (I did have to drive to hers although it’s not far) and I have to say being there for 45 mins on Boxing Day evening trying to get the cat in was not my idea of fun. I either pay my niece or one of the street teenagers or pay for a professional.

Unless you're going away can't you just let her know the days you can do as a compromise? Cats don't need company, just feeding and cat litter changing so nothing time consuming.

I'd also add that for two weeks I'd definitely be paying a professional. I'd only ever ask a neighbour for a couple of days unless it was a clear reciprocal arrangement. And I'd never do it for someone who hadn't provided their cats with a cat flap, as that adds so much more time and stress!

But surely if someone can’t then they can’t? Should the OP cancel her work trip and potentially lose her job? Should an 18 year old boy cancel all plans with friends when after a stressful few years of education he should be having some lovely down time? I don’t think those things are reasonable. If you’re doing absolutely nothing fair enough. But these two people ARE doing things. There are other options the neighbour has.

It’s not your problem, but
he has loose plans, you are only away 3 days.
you could do it.
you don’t want to. Own that

but also expect that if you are ever stuck at all, you have burned a bridge completely.
thats the reality of it.