AIBU to ask in-laws to remove shoes?

[tirednhn]

Context: 10 month old has been hospitalised twice in the last two weeks for bronch then catching a bug that went straight to his chest. First hospital visit high flow oxygen for four days and NG feeding tube. Second oxygen for 4 hours.

I grew up in a shoes off house. Do it automatically as does DH, DC and my family and guests. In-laws however just walk straight in even though I’ve repeatedly asked if they can remove their shoes.

10 month old and 2 year old basically live on the floor downstairs playing, it’s LVT so isn’t carpeted. Little one was discharged on Monday after having to call 999 and get him taken to hospital via an ambulance simply for catching the common cold as he’s so run down.

FIL dropped off my toddler (at their request to take her) and stormed straight through standing next to the playmat where he was playing. We reminded everyone a few days ago to remove shoes. The annoying thing is he didn’t even utter one word to me, just stood looking at baby so no need for him to come in the house. MIL took her shoes off and came through and we spoke, done handover etc. We’re trying to mitigate as much germs as possible just now and feel like I’m going mad! I know I’m unable to remove all germs but with such a poorly baby I don’t want all sorts trailed through the house if I can help it.

In the main people wipe their feet when they come into my house, as indeed do I, but I never take my shoes off (unless they are muddy) nor ask others to. In this weather I am in and out of the garden all day and certainly couldn't be bothered with taking shoes on and off all the time - especially after my back surgery!

If it is chest bugs that you are worried about they tend to be on people's hands and then transferred to working surfaces etc. and passed on that way. And also by coughs and sneezes.

I used to laugh about my children when they started crawling round the floor - I was busy sterilising a bottle one day whilst watching one of them crawl round the floor and I thought why the hell am I bothering with this!

I hate this. We ate a shoes off house too. My DH’s step father was a menace for not taking his shoes off. I asked him to take them off once and he stormed out and didn’t come back for 40 minutes. What a child! Apparently he was insecure without shoes because of his height.

Gently, he's not catching respiratory viruses from anyone's shoes. That said, ours is a shoes off house for all but the very elderly.

My fil always comes into my house in his shoes too. Even though everyone is expected to remove their shoes in their house. Husband doesn’t doesn’t the hassle of asking and my children are older now so I say nothing. I do (rebelliously) wear my shoes on their house now though 😜

I grew up in a shoes off house, and I continue to have one. We walk outside where animals and sometimes humans have pissed, spat and shat - why would we want to walk traces of that on our floors, especially with little ones whose hands touch those floors? If you think thats OTT, a google shows me one study found that 96% of shoes tested positive for fecal bacteria.

I always feel like this goes against the general culture in Britain though, where people think it’s normal to walk inside in shoes and think you’re uptight and neurotic for insisting on shoes off. I think it is unhygienic and slovenly to treat a home like the continuation of the pavement. I suspect the two sides will never agree!

I disagree. There are plenty of germs, from dog poo for example, that can be very dangerous for children.

OP, stand your ground. I had the same issue with my FIL. If he can’t remove his shoes, then don’t let him in.

I think a lot of people are focusing on not catching respiratory bugs from outdoor shoes. Whilst true OP has a baby with a run down immune system, meaning they are more likely to catch something else and have a slower recovery. Seeing a child is hospital seriously ill is horrible, I can't imagine why someone let alone a relative wouldn't want to prevent that happening again.

OP we have a no shoes rule in our household. DH is immunosuppressed and I am on chemo so similar. Our home is our safe space. We remove shoes and wash hands when we come in. When I walk our village streets I can smell animal piss and shite as it is, I don't want to bring that into our home thanks. I'm no cleaning freak by any standards.

What if their feet smell. Best they keep them on..
Some older people also have trouble bending down and putting their shoes on and off. Do you provide a chair by the front door and possibly a shoe horn to help.
It's not as simple as you say.
Shoes in and off several times a day can be hard for some.
Will you check there feet and socks for smells?😝🤔

Following my back surgery if someone asks me to take my shoes off in their home I am happy to comply but have to tell them that, after my back surgery, they will have to do it for me! Mostly they decline and let me in!

Shoes do have crap and stuff on them for sure, but we cannot defend ourselves from contact with small amounts of bugs. I have to smile when someone with a dog asks me to take my shoes off in their home while their germy pooch with its germy paws and unwiped anus is jumping up at me, licking its genitals, trotting around their carpet and parking its shitty bum on their sofa!!

Hand them both some hotel type slippers at the door.

Keep shoe covers and a chair by the front door. Some people can’t walk barefoot as they will be in pain from arthritis or such like. Some older people can’t easily balance to put shoes back on again.

Gently, Taking off your shoes indoors can significantly help prevent respiratory issues by limiting your exposure to outdoor allergens and harmful bacteria. It prevents these contaminants from being transferred to carpets and furniture, where they can become airborne and aggravate your airways.

Studies, including research from the University of Arizona, have found that the bottoms of shoes harbour hundreds of thousands of bacteria, including pathogens that cause pneumonia and respiratory infections

Out of interest, (apologies op if this dereils your thread)

I use a wheelchair.

those of you who have shoes off homes, would you insist on the wheels being cleaned before I came in? Or nothing? Or another solution of your choice?

I think this is probably the answer - shoe covers and a chair.

I think a lot of elderly people don’t want to remove their shoes as they can’t do it standing, or because it’s difficult for them to walk with bare feet.

Or have indoor shoes for them and a chair.

Im quite relaxed about shoes downstairs as we have hard floors. I prefer people don’t wear them upstairs.

My Mum used to be awful for just walking upstairs with actually muddy shoes on, as though it didn’t matter at all. Apparently she had a “thing” about cold feet.

On MN you'd think everyone was at one extreme or the other on this subject. In my experience most people are somewhere in between. For example, we generally take shoes off when we come in our house but if I'm bringing in shopping I don't worry about walking through the hall to the kitchen with them on, or even walking over a carpet if I've forgotten to get something from a room just before I go out. If out somewhere muddy then obviously they all get left by the door when we come back in. When going round the house generally we'd have a mixture of bare feet / socks / slippers but sometimes shoes might not come off immediately at the door for whatever reason. I wouldn't sit around with them still on - mainly because it's more comfy to not have them on. I might also go out in garden or on drive with bare feet and not think twice about walking back in without washing my feet (how do 100% shoe off houses feel about this?) We also have pets so it would be silly to stress much about our feet when their feet are never in shoes.

If I go to someone's house I'll generally take them off, unless I notice everyone else has them on. I don't know anyone who thinks much about this issue in real life tbh. I don't get the stress. But then I do think life is easier if you're not stressing about germs and dirt too much.

You're not being pedantic. Your ILs are being rude and arrogant. Of course your child could pick up germs from whatever they have walked through on the pavements or grass outside.

Have you (or better still DH) tried telling them that the paediatrician said no one should come in your house with outdoor shoes on? Even if that's a slight paraphrasing of the truth, it might work. My PILs think anything I say is complete rubbish but they do respect doctors.

I've also had a DC with repeated hospital admissions (some by ambulance) for oxygen due to breathing difficulties from viruses. It's absolutely terrifying and of course you want to do everything you can to lessen the chance of it happening again, even if just in the short term to give DC a bit of time to recover.

Never had a shoes off policy (never heard of it til I moved to this country). My kids played on the floor. I also had dogs and cats.
I would give your in laws leave to keep their shoes on.

Is he able to walk right in because you don't lock your door or does he have a key? If he has a key take it off him and then make him take his shoes off when you open the door to him.

Buy your in-laws some slippers to wear within your home. I think they should be respectful of your wishes.

Our parents get a pass, it's harder for them to take them off, we then have a quick floor wipe when they go if it needs it.

You have every right to ask visitors to remove their shoes, and they should do so. Like pps, I’d suggest meeting them at the door.

I expect everyone to take their shoes off in the hallway, but my MIL just walks straight on through with her shoes on. I’m fed up of reminding her and when I do remind her, she acts like she had forgotten. I’m letting DP deal with her next time.

Though, she takes her own shoes off in her flat and expects everyone else to do the same. (It’s something I do automatically when entering someone else’s house anyway.)

It drives me nuts because she doesn’t have the same respect for my home.

I hope your little one is feeling better.

What happens in the summer when everyone is bobbing in and out from garden to kitchen etc. Are people taking shoes on and off all the time!?