AIBU to ask in-laws to remove shoes?

[tirednhn]

Context: 10 month old has been hospitalised twice in the last two weeks for bronch then catching a bug that went straight to his chest. First hospital visit high flow oxygen for four days and NG feeding tube. Second oxygen for 4 hours.

I grew up in a shoes off house. Do it automatically as does DH, DC and my family and guests. In-laws however just walk straight in even though I’ve repeatedly asked if they can remove their shoes.

10 month old and 2 year old basically live on the floor downstairs playing, it’s LVT so isn’t carpeted. Little one was discharged on Monday after having to call 999 and get him taken to hospital via an ambulance simply for catching the common cold as he’s so run down.

FIL dropped off my toddler (at their request to take her) and stormed straight through standing next to the playmat where he was playing. We reminded everyone a few days ago to remove shoes. The annoying thing is he didn’t even utter one word to me, just stood looking at baby so no need for him to come in the house. MIL took her shoes off and came through and we spoke, done handover etc. We’re trying to mitigate as much germs as possible just now and feel like I’m going mad! I know I’m unable to remove all germs but with such a poorly baby I don’t want all sorts trailed through the house if I can help it.

Are house shoes for you or for visitors?

(That sign is awful - putting up signs in your home is not a good look in any case 😁)

Used slippers?

You’d be better off asking them to wash their hands on their way into the house, that would at least be linked to reducing the spread of colds/viruses.

I am in my early 70s and every one of my friends is a shoes off household. I think it is disgusting to wear shoes inside.

OP, I am very sorry that your child has been ill. As people have pointed out, germs are often carried in on hands. Anyone coming into your house should be washing their hands when they arrive. I expect many people here will scoff at that.

I was raised in a shoes on house and I have a shoes off house.
Yanbu. Its gross.

Assuming the best....
Some older folks have shit mobility.
Id have shoe covers and somewhere to sit.

I'd also met them at the door and guide them to sit if visiting OR if they are picking up your baby leave them at the door amd say you are grabbing a few things and will be one moment then tale the baby out to them.

Separately...

Id look at buying a UV steriliser its great for toys and also some aquaint

I found aquaint sooooo useful.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vital-Baby-Hypoallergenic-Antibacterial-Vegan-Friendly/dp/B0BXB7XYK8/ref=mps_a11?crid=2KV75JQZQ8WEP&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.2U9j10pFl-NC4wPw5nqhcJmyOniVl8ATsKrqAapk2RidYvfQPiVfOIJMOw59RkqnJ0Vq9wEJarOXX-8Wt3biW17oUiam0shcsaOMYimvsMmzApHjvtmIVGsWl0O0ChLeKXnNotBsBeAHTX1OkPz9G5IqVn2ymJSkYhsbG2W83aohyeUD-q2mNELGNtTvyEkkz1jEqdNzXcbBUBW9A.c1q39dyK0nTgermm4NdGlpGiPHX2-jYbO9pSqiv9c&dibtag=se&keywords=vital+baby+aquaint+cleansing+water&qid=1783565443&sprefix=aquiant%2Caps%2C128&sr=8-1

Omg that url 🫠

@Anarchy99 you can get washable slippers ffs.
@tirednhn Maybe you could order some slip-over shoe covers for FIL. (Like they have in hospitals)

"The bottom of your shoes can harbor anywhere from 421,000 to over 8 million bacteria per shoe, with a massive percentage (up to 99%) transferring onto clean floors within just a few steps. This includes heavy concentrations of fecal bacteria like E. coli, as well as pathogens linked to respiratory infections and diarrhea."

Yup. Pretty gross. 🤮

We have a no shoes policy in our home but not due to germs. I don't want outside dirt etc on my carpets.

But, regardless of the reason, you don't have to justify yourself. It's your home and anyone who disrespects your rules and preferences is disrespecting you, IMO.

YANBU.

My in-laws did this. My DH answered the door and just stood there waiting for them to take their shoes off before letting them in every time. This is a DH problem.

No need to provide house shoes or slippers, they can bring their own if they want.

Overall, YANBU.

We’ve always been a shoes off indoors household even before children. I don’t want our carpets getting filthy.

It is your house, so your rules with things like that.

However, I am unsure to what degree this is linked to your baby’s illnesses. What is understandable is that when your baby is ill, that can create anxiety and an urge to control things as it can feel very out of control and frightening. Hopefully everyone around you will be kind and understanding to you, it is never nice seeing your child ill.

Did you invite them round? Or did they just turn up?

ETA that was to @Franjipanl8r

Your house, your rules, but the germophobic reasoning is just weird.

They really need to take their shoes off at the door do they have a key and just let themselves in? Also they should wash their hands with soap and water when they come in too That would help more with germs than the shoes

But I’m assuming you don’t make your dog wear feet covers so your dog is bringing these awful germs onto your floors anyway?

Do people not use a mop on mumsnet?

it’s your house, you can have whatever rules you want and it’s ok to tell people they can’t come if they won’t follow them.

It isn’t them wearing shoes in your house that’s caused that though.

it’s utterly irrelevant what other posters think about @tirednhn‘s stance on shoe wearing in her own home.

The point being massively missed is she has a poorly baby and she has expressly asked her father in law to do something that he is utterly disregarding.

Op… you and your husband need to be blunt if he walks straight into the house… just tell him ‘FIL… SHOES!!!!’

He would have to be very hard faced to leave them on!

i was shocked the amount of dirt on a LVT floored house, when just one person came in with shoes on. I could feel it under my bare feet. The house is hoovered daily and mopped very regularly- so the floors are extremely clean.

if I can feel it on my feet the babies would be putting their hands on it and sticking it in the mouths. Regardless of the germs that is pretty disgusting.

I never understand this comment. Are most people going about their day wearing dirty socks unless asked otherwise?

We’re a strict shoes off household, we have slippers people can borrow if we wish, we also provide shoe covers for people who refuse to remove their shoes.

can you get them slippers they can get changed into?

I rinse (light soapy water.) and wipe his feet (doggy wipes) at the door, so does the whole family and so does the dog walker.

he likes to dig in the ground after peeing and of course who knows what he’s stepping on.

A common cold is not transferred by someone wearing shoes. The likelihood is that someone sneezed in very close proximity to your child and passed on the virus that way. Also, why on earth do you need to ring 999 for someone with a cold? If you’re anxious, put them in the car or call an Uber!
Get yourself a decent doormat for people to wipe their shoes on before they come in.

Not one of my friends or family insist on shoes off. Except my DD, who stupidly had white carpets fitted 🤪

Do you realise that every nursery and school in the Uk has children and staff wearing their shoes ALL DAY and those same children spend lots of the time ON THE FLOOR! Some people are just plain daft.