6yo completely loses the plot after TV/tablet use, what do I do?

[TheJuryIsOut]

So my 6yo seems completely incapable of watching TV/playing on her tablet for any length of time without completely losing the plot when she comes off. So tonight she has watched about 45 minutes of TV, she then started arguing with her 11 year old sister and started kicking her and I had to physically drag her away at which point she started kicking me (which she never ever does, not even when she was a toddler) she just completely lost it, it was like she was completely out of control of her body/brain. She does this (although she's never physically attacked anyone before) almost every time she comes off a screen, just seems to turn into a completely different person.

Now I know people may say just get rid of all screens but is that really realistic in this day and age? She's going to be using screens at school and as she grows up, I just don't know if banning it outright is the answer. But what the hell is it about screens that could be causing this sort of explosive behaviour?

Could you swap the tablet for a Yoto player. My kids are almost 6 and 4 and both love their Yoto players. My almost 6 year old will now go a chill out in the bed and listen to stories and doesn't seem to have a problem pausing it.

I think quite a few of the programmes on Netflix are quite addictive. A few weeks ago my almost 6 year old was crying on the floor in a playground because she wanted to watch a Netflix programme, my husband had put it on the day before.
Mostly my kids just watch Cbeebies or CBBC - in real time , not demand so it's similar to when I was a kid. They don't have a problem moving on from TV in this format.
My kids also watch a movie here and there in the afternoon at the weekend but I again try to choose wisely

We have had similar with our 3yo. We resolved as follow:
Before we started watching we agree how much (1 episode only) and agree no crying when it finishes. If really bad behaviour after, no tv the next day. Very very consistent that it is only one episode and we never give more (I think this is the most important thing as if they get different amounts they are always disappointed if they don’t get more). Also found that reading books to manage the transition helped calm her down a lot when we were starting out trying to solve this.
now she actually asks for the tv to be turned off after one episode.

I think this could be as simple as really clear boundaries and help with the transition. E.g., half an hour of TV a day at X time, and then a reminder whilst she's watching 'after this episode, we are turning the TV off', 'in five minutes it will be the end of the episode and we are turning the TV off'. Just so she knows what to expect and also that a tantrum will not change things.

As a rule, the smaller the screen the worse they are for children - so I wouldn't be letting her use a tablet, and certainly wouldn't be letting her watch anything on a phone or similar. TV or nothing, if school want to use tablets with them then that's in school time and not something you do at home.

Also just a quick follow up to say I would absolutely not be letting her watch anything on YouTube, and would closely regulate netflix usage - some of the shows are really fast paced and that does tend to cause more issues. We find that CBeebies (watched live in real time) is consistently good, and Bluey also seems to be fine.

Seems pretty clear cut to me. She isn't ready to cope with a tablet yet so take it away until she's older.

Agree don’t go down this route. Remove the screens, six is too young.

Our son has a tablet but initially it only had homework tools on (when he was 5 and 6). We then downloaded stuff for when we were on holiday/abroad. He listens to his tonie box on car journeys. If its got you tube and programmes on thats on you. If its for homework then im guessing she won't want to be on it longer than necessary.

Another one saying that YouTube is probably the main culprit. My 6 year old acts in an identical way to yours.. it's like a devil has got inside her.

She has still been watching some TV this week but much reduced, and we have banned YouTube entirely. So far the behaviour is much better.

I can't put my finger on what it is about YouTube that does it, as most of the stuff she watches on there is identical to what she would watch on TV e.g. she is watching Hey Duggee on there. But there's clearly something about it that is triggering something in her brain (Milo and Chip is now permanently banned).

You need to know what she’s watching at 6 even if it’s kids’ Netflix.

No need for a tablet at 6. I’m old so iPads didn’t even exist until my eldest was 8 - they survived!

I did once catch them w friends looking at something very unsavoury on YouTube, think the eldest was 10 (not sure how they got the device in the first place - was a long time ago), but I banned screen time for two weeks after that (it was the last two weeks of the summer holidays so a bit painful all round).

Schools use tablets very differently so that wouldn’t be an issue.

Stop giving her screens. My DS went through a phase like this and still does every now and again. Screen get removed for a week or two completely. He now understands what that behaviour means. Longest we have had is a month without screens before due to behaviour when he came off.

100% remove Youtube and check what she is watching on Netflix. There are definitely programs on there that are Youtube style based ones (Salish and Jorden for one I have banned)

My DS is almost 4 so younger but I always notice his behavior is worse after too much screen time but mainly when it's not good quality.

We don't do Netflix, just BBC iplayer programmes but I dont feel the need to limit as they're pretty calm and dont seem to cause any problem but youtube is horrendous. He wants to watch video after video, they're fast paced, overstimulating etc. He seems to struggle once that is over.

My solution is that he's only allowed Youtube on a sunday and it's for a very limited length of time like an hour or 2. I didn't want to cut it out altogether as he does watch fairly educational stuff on there.

I'd limit what she's allowed to watch, make sure it's not really overstimulating, fast paced etc. I know the calmer programmes for younger kids (Bluey, Giant Jack, Puffin Rock etc) but I'm sure there'll be a list for 6 year olds too.

Don't allow YouTube.

I saw a friends kid watching unsupervised and even on a kids video I saw the presenters telling the viewers, 'if you don't subscribe and like Mummy and Daddy won't love you anymore'. Kids content. Just awful.

I wouldnt assume that Netflix content is fine purely because it’s on a kids profile. There is a lot of complete brain-rotting garbage on there and a recent increase in YouTube content now being included too. We have a few shows that are banned (that awful YouTuber one of the father and daughter for example).

To echo what others have said, lose the tablet, ban YouTube, cut TV time right down and restrict it to more appropriate channels like cbbc. If they must watch Netflix, restrict what they have access to.

At 6yrs old they really wont be needing to use screens constantly at school. It is as simple as massively restricting screen time at home, as they're showing they are unable to cope with the transition of it ending. Find other things that seem equally exciting or spike their curiosity instead.

I have 2 DCs, my youngest is 5 and would happily sit on screens all day and forget to eat or drink - he just seems unable to regulate it himself at all and finds it addictive. Eldest is 10yrs and isn't built that way and gets bored of screens naturally after about 20mins (tablet, switch, TV... he just isn't too bothered). Some kids just can't cope with screens and do need really consistent and firm boundaries. I tend to leave a big basket of random toys in the middle of the room and wait for the kids to get curious and dive in - it makes turning off the screens less intense as its essentially redirecting their attention.

And also yes to all of this!

We have total YT ban now on all devices. It's absolute mind numbingly shite content that for some reason the kids are hooked on.

Absolutely no tablet use. If she’s using one at school, thats a reason not to at home. Use a timer for ending tv time. If she tantrums then no tv the next day.

Hard to avoid screen time but I always try and give warning and ease the transition before turning off. Would also recommend Yoto player and/or Tonie box for screen-free time they can listen to stories

Thank you so much for all your replies, some really helpful stuff and I've taken a look at the site linked too.

I don't think I was quite clear on what the issue is though, it's not that she won't come off the tablet or TV, she'll do it without much complaint as she's generally quite a compliant child. It's the immediate aftermath, the tiniest thing will set her off and send her into a rage, she's not annoyed about the TV being turned off but it's like the content/the screen itself does something to her brain.

So yes, I do think I'm going to have to be very strict on what she's watching and the length. The tablet will be disappearing for an extended length of time (possibly forever although it is useful for long distance travelling etc) but I will be monitoring her TV time much more closely and I'm going to make sure the programmes she's watching aren't too over stimulating.

Thank you everyone.

I made her very aware that her behaviour was completely unacceptable, she apologised to me and her sister (and was very genuine and quite upset with herself)

I can’t speak for others but I understood your original post. There is a chemical reaction that takes place in people’s brains when exposed to screen time, and it’s much more impactful with short form/instant reward content such as YouTube and some Netflix shows. It’s a dopamine hit, so although she may come off the screen fine, there is so doubt that the effects will linger and cause difficult behaviours.

I’ve seen it with my own, and we stripped everything right back. Of course, a lot of it is just kids being kids, but there is also a lot of science behind the impact screen led lives can have, particularly on developing brains. Not saying this to patronise etc, but it’s stuff I’ve discovered through similar issues a couple of years ago.

Just no screens.
If she's reacting in this way then the best thing you can do for her is remove them entirely.
TV is not the same as it was when we were growing up, its designed to be addictive now and its not good for them especially at a young age.
Some people will be able to give their kids screen time without issues, other kids are more sensitive. Just because it works for someone else doesn't mean its worth doing for your child.
We have our TV in the dining room now with a blanket over and we only bring it into the living room/playroom for a family movie once a month ish. No other screens in the house available to our kids and our 4 year old wasn't having anywhere near the level of reaction as your child. We just felt she was getting obsessive and overly upset about it being taken away. The more she got, the more she wanted. (We actually weren't doing much tv time anyway but when my youngest was born and had colic we were not coping and fell into the trap)
Also netflix kids has an extremely wide range of shows available, many of which are not suitable for a 6 year old.
I read an interesting study that the smaller the screen the more focused the child is on it and the higher the likelihood of issues like this. So TV in the corner of the room is much better for them than an ipad or phone right in front of them.
In terms of long distance travel - we actually really struggle with our daughters behaviour after long haul flights because you can't avoid the screen and you don't want a meltdown on the plane but then she's nuts for a few days afterwards, desperate for more screentime.

but it's like the content/the screen itself does something to her brain.

No, people get it. That’s why they’re telling you 6 is far too young to be sat on an iPad.

At six, mine were allowed CBeebies, Milkshake and the odd Julia Donaldson thing on telly. That's all they need at that age.

Is this child watching youtube by any chance? If so, I would remove access to this via tv and ban the tablet.

Plenty of people are telling me to give her warnings/timers and tell her that if she complains/kicks off about turning it off then she won't have it next time.