6yo completely loses the plot after TV/tablet use, what do I do?

[TheJuryIsOut]

So my 6yo seems completely incapable of watching TV/playing on her tablet for any length of time without completely losing the plot when she comes off. So tonight she has watched about 45 minutes of TV, she then started arguing with her 11 year old sister and started kicking her and I had to physically drag her away at which point she started kicking me (which she never ever does, not even when she was a toddler) she just completely lost it, it was like she was completely out of control of her body/brain. She does this (although she's never physically attacked anyone before) almost every time she comes off a screen, just seems to turn into a completely different person.

Now I know people may say just get rid of all screens but is that really realistic in this day and age? She's going to be using screens at school and as she grows up, I just don't know if banning it outright is the answer. But what the hell is it about screens that could be causing this sort of explosive behaviour?

Get rid of Youtube and the tablet.

My rule is we watch TV programmes and movies on the actual television set in the living room like we did in the 90s. I actually don't really limit the amount (obviously it's naturally limited by school, clubs, meals, bedtime but other than that), more the content/style.

Cold turkey on YouTube and the tablet, it’s not needed and will provoke some dc. If you want screen time watching an episode on tv is less emotionally fraught.

She 6 .., she doesn’t need it and it’s clearly no good for her, take it away!!

Is it both tablet and tv? My nearly 6 DD is the same with the tablet (we have taken it away pretty much permanently unless on a very long journey). She is much better able to regulate with the tv though. We always tell her exactly what she is allowed to watch or length of time and what is happening when it goes off.

Mine are 10, 6 and 2. You tube is banned. No one has a tablet or phone. There’s one tv in the living room so i can see what they’re watching. For young children especially it’s important no over-stimulating shows like cocomelon etc there’s a family computer that older two use if needed for homework- in the living room so supervised use for maths etc only.

YouTube shorts is basically TikTok.

You're expecting a six year old to be able to cope with watching that shite, when her brain, and any 6 y o brain isn't capable of doing so. She's not misbehaving or kicking off, she is showing you really clearly with her behaviour that she is not coping with the situation she is being put in.

She just completely lost it, it was like she was completely out of control of her body/brain.

You do what you would do if anything else was resulting in her behaving like this, If she lost the plot and kicked people after she ate bread or drank orange juice, what would you do? You wouldn't give her bread or orange juice. It's really not that much of a headscratcher.

In school they might access screens but I doubt it will be for YouTube.

get her off youtube, seriously. Even if it's the kids one. it's the amount of options and the ooh, what's next, more more more of it all! You can't expect her to be able to self regulate at that age, so get her off it. (IMO)

All my kids have there 5 mins left warning and once it's off they know it's off from ages 2-16 no tantrums etc..1 hour a day while I do the pyjama Nd wash routines....some shows I do not allow and horrid Henry being one,...once the little ones are in bed then the olders get to do whatever on there tablets but again restricted time and every other night for those

I am really strict with screen time with my two ( 10 & 8 ) if I get any attitude or bad behaviour then I remove the tablets indefinitely . I think 6 is too young for her to be using the tablet & her behaviour is completely unacceptable , she needs to learn that there will be consequences to her outbursts . Remove the tablet & don’t give in to her pleading etc .

Go cold turkey and stick with it.

This is going to sound horribly smug and I apologise in advance but we had exactly the same problem. There was 2 weeks of tantrums when tv and tablet removed and now he's back to normal. I bought and borrowed absolutely loads of books and he reads those instead.

It is as simple as no tv and tablet. Because our 5 year old is the same. She has an iPad for flights only and she can watch one Disney film a week with the family. Otherwise she doesn’t see a screen. She cannot watch so much as an episode of Bluey with our absolute ww3 after so it’s just a no in our house

My son is 11 and doesn't have screens, he uses them fine at school. We don't even have a TV at home!

He goes to the movies sometimes with friends etc, and he'll watch stuff on a plane when we travel, but certainly not an every day thing.

Why do you think its not realistic to remove an ipad?

"If you can't stop X, then you can't start X"

Simple principle for everything that kids can refuse to stop. Keep repeating it, and stick to it. If she kicks off when stopping, next time she can't start.

Most kids will promise that they won't get angry when stopping next time, but it will take a few cycles until they really learn the action-consequence cycle, and it becomes ingrained "I must be ok with stopping, so that I can start next time"

@TheJuryIsOut you should Dopamine Kids. Explains EXACTLY why she is flipping out and yes, YouTube is terrible. You also can absolutely do no screens. DD is almost 8 and only gets a screen on a long haul flight or 3+ hour car journey. And then only pre downloaded films, no games etc.

For gods sake just take the screens away. This is so simple. Be a parent.

I was uber anal about screens and 2 of mine have ADHD. My mum was brought up and had no TV until she was 30 and has ADHD. Lots of ND people get fixated by screens. Hence a correlation. Screen use often ascerbates behaviours but doesn't cause neurodiversity.

Jeez I didn't know six year.olds went on YouTube. What a time to be alive

If it helps for comparison for a not all-or-nothing policy: my 6yo also has a hard time ending TV use. What worked for me: TV shows only, not random short YouTube videos. He can watch one 22 minute episode each evening - after he is already in PJs and teeth brushed so there is nothing left to argue about after, and he knows I won’t consent to another episode. He can lose part or all of his TV time for bad behaviour. On Fridays which are a half day in school in our country he can have extended tv time if he does his chores first, so could watch a kids movie if he wants. We also have a weekend no TV day.

I think that what helps him the most to finish his TV time is having it very clear and consistent from the outset exactly how much TV he will get (in terms a 6yo can “feel”: how many episodes not how many minutes), so he doesn’t feel like I’m dragging him away.

About banning screens: I have considered it but I think there are also negatives. Some kids TV is good: we have a lot of discussions in our house about situations that came up in Bluey, or strategies for handling emotions from Superkitties. Also idk about other parents but I’m a single parent and there are sometimes, maybe once a month, situations like an evening work zoom where it can work out well for kid to use that time to watch a movie, and otherwise I’d need a paid babysitter as he would find it hard to play independently with no interaction for over an hour. Yes we hike and read books and do a million wholesome activities - I just think it’s not all or nothing.

Tell her she’s shown you she’s not old enough to go on it because she debt gone off it.

practise short stints with a timed warning to come off OR when this game is finished.

praise and support.

this is an executive function and emotional regulation diffultiy that she won’t get unless you actively teach it.

if she tantrums you calmly explain again this is how younger children act and when she learns to be able to come off a screen she is able to go on a screen.

i did this with both kids, first went through this aged 3 with tv. Second was still prone to it recently and he’s 8. First definitely has much better emotional regulation skills. Even as heading into teens. Second is getting there.

They’re on screens far to much but accept coming off when I say so. And we have days with none or very little in the hols and weekends. (Others are a disaster and I feel like it’s all bloody day!)

Did you punish her for battering her sister and her behaviour?

I don’t allow YouTube.

the format is shite. Hours of cbbc is at least quality

Also a young relative has ADD and was brought up without any screens.

if you have adhd tendencies or actual adhd it can be a harder thing to manage.

I teach children with send and weirdly a few with severe diagnosed adhd who have meds don’t like screens or watch much. One can’t concentrate enough.

Yes it is realistic to take the screen away in this day and age - she is 6 and you are the adult - parent her and remove the screens they are clearly doing her no good