6yo completely loses the plot after TV/tablet use, what do I do?

[TheJuryIsOut]

So my 6yo seems completely incapable of watching TV/playing on her tablet for any length of time without completely losing the plot when she comes off. So tonight she has watched about 45 minutes of TV, she then started arguing with her 11 year old sister and started kicking her and I had to physically drag her away at which point she started kicking me (which she never ever does, not even when she was a toddler) she just completely lost it, it was like she was completely out of control of her body/brain. She does this (although she's never physically attacked anyone before) almost every time she comes off a screen, just seems to turn into a completely different person.

Now I know people may say just get rid of all screens but is that really realistic in this day and age? She's going to be using screens at school and as she grows up, I just don't know if banning it outright is the answer. But what the hell is it about screens that could be causing this sort of explosive behaviour?

It’s worth remembering that doing things we like gives us a dopamine hit. This can the mean that people find it hard to leave things they enjoy. Just look at the amount of adults who find it difficult to be without their phones for instance.

At age 6 your child is not yet emotionally developed to handle this. So you need to either remove screens altogether or manage it for her and that will mean a strong, solid routine with consequences.

She won’t do it though, which is such a shame for the poor DD.

Well this is not true in the slightest, it's not the attention she's kicking off for because if that was the case she'd be doing it all the time and not just because of the screens. She's the youngest of 4 and there's a large age gap so she has 1-1 attention a lot and is certainly not ignored. What I'm saying is that she's very happy to play alone and will quite often take herself off to play alone, she enjoys it.

I am not totally against the idea of taking it away, I wanted input from others about how to deal with it and there has been many helpful replies.

I think YouTube has to go as it does seem to trigger her more than anything else. I have already told her she won't be having any screens for the rest of the week and I will be sticking to it.

YouTube is the worst. We’ve banned it and gone back to CBeebies / CBBC (or things like the Gruffalo on player).

Behaviour has, probably unsurprisingly, improved tenfold.

As others have said it really is as simple as removing screens! I have a 9yo and 7yo, we don't own a tablet in this house, Youtube is completely banned as are a few cartoons. We sometimes watch TV, ie movies together on the weekend. When my eldest was younger I didn't allow any TV on weekdays, neither he nor his brother even ask for it because it's just ingrained. So many studies showing how detrimental screentime is to children, I don't know why people allow it as much as they do. 45 minutes is so much for a 6 year old! If children don't have screens, they occupy themselves in other ways or just allow themselves to be bored from time to time. It's good for them!

Mine is 7, she's never had a tablet or phone or anything except the TV. No YouTube, nothing. She has survived.

I totally think banning it is the answer. Screens mask or worsen underlying problems often because it changes neurochemistry. You need to detox her to understand if this is effect of screen time itself or something like ADHD…

My partner was diagnosed with ADHD as a child when there were no screens. He is in his 40s now and we both notice massive difference in his symptoms when he uses screens/phones vs not. He manages without medication and if he spends lets say 3 hours on his day off on the phone scrolling he is a nightmare to deal with. He is an adult and can control himself but the impulsivity aspect is more obvious in kids!

What is the playing/watching? It should be slow paced shows on tv if possible - llama llama, puffin rock, bluey are good choices. Get rid of iPad - zero need. Short videos/scrolling is horrific for emotional regulation and attention. Have predictable times and lengths eg two Bluey’s (20 mins) and then it’s up until tomorrow . Watch with her and ease the transition by moving into something fun like art etc. you don’t necessarily have to get rid completely but you do have to parent .

We found that was worse with YouTube, so don't allow that at all really. DS (5) was like that over YouTube and some computer games, as well as TV in general occasionally.

We don't use a tablet, and I think that does also make it harder as they have a sense of ownership over it.

One episode at a time works better, so my DC have to ask for each additional episode they watch. If they kick off or don't ask then they lose TV for the day/next day depending on timing. YouTube is bad because it just runs on forever: it doesn't feel like distinct episodes. I also find an episode works better than "after x minutes" because it's a more distinct and satisfying end. It's worse when DS is getting tired like towards the end of term or after a particularly busy weekend.

45 minutes is a lot for a 6yo. Cut it down to 5-10 mins at most.

My 5 y/o reacts really badly if she watches trash on Netflix (Gabby's dollhouse, etc.). We let her watch stuff on CBBC on the TV at weekends. No tablet here and definitely no YouTube.

A 6YO doesn’t need a tablet. She’s unlikely to need one for school for years, probably secondary in the state sector so that’s not a reason to give her one. I wouldn’t cut out the TV completely because that doesn’t seem fair to others in the house but I would set clear boundaries like she gets 1 episode of whatever she wants from Netflix and then it’s someone else’s turn to choose.

Remove the tablet. No need and not inevitable at school. TV time sociably at home as a reward. It seems glaringly obvious to me.

😂😂😂 100%

Not hard in this day and age to take away screen time, especially not for a six year old who cannot regulate her melt downs after using them.
lock away the tablet and tv remote no more screens. Really easy

No screens at home. Books perhaos. Carefully chosen by you so you know what is in them.

No youtube, netflix, no american channels, no cartoons. Cbbc is best, and only for an hour at most. You need to watch tv with her, then you know what she is watching.

She can always go and sit on the stairs if she is bothering others having a tantrum, but no screens all round id say.

I have a 6 year old who is the same, and it absolutely is realistic to take away screens. They can create a dopamine addiction, and children that age aren’t equipped to deal with it. Some children handle it better than others. But if yours can’t, just say no screens. You’ll see a difference almost immediately. It doesn’t mean they won’t be able to use technology when they’re older - after all, there are loads of things we let adults do that we don’t let children do

I’d remove the tablet full stop and very very limited lvingroom only tv.

YouTube is the worst. I do not allow it at all - even for my tween. Utter rubbish served up and terrible behaviour when they’re asked to come off it. I banned it years ago and have never looked back.

Losing the plot, or losing her temper?

You haven't said whether she actually enjoys watching TV, but the traditional parental reaction would have been that if a "toy" triggers bad behavior, you take it away for a while. That is particularly simple with a tablet, and feasible with a television.

You seem to regarding it as an all-or-nothing permanent ban. It needn't be. Try it for a week or month, and make it clear why you're doing it. Then see what happens. You might also take a good, hard look at whatever material she's watching.

That correlation is definitely there, but often the other way round - high screen time, particularly with certain apps, can cause adhd type symptoms- reduced focus, emotional instability etc. That's not to say they cause adhd, but they can lead to some mimicking symptoms. Our service, which does adhd assessments, stipulates that children go interactive screen free for at least 3 months before they will add to wait list. This includes watching tv as an individual on a tablet, but doesn't include shared tv watching as a family. It seems to be the high speed interactive element which causes the most issues, rather than the screen itself. The playing games, switching from app to app, programme to game, children are just not learning how to keep their attention on 1 activity for an extended period, they dont learn how to be bored and self regulate, but rely on the screens for the quick dopamine hit to regulate instead.

DC the same, we have to give countdown reminders and it works most of the time, also having a distraction like a snack, fool around. DC is ND and needs extra time to process but this method could be used. Xx

You know the answer 🙄

Make a fixed plan with her. Start with, say 45 mins a day, tell her if she plays up or complains when you tell her to turn it off she will lose her screen privilidge for the following day, and if she then carries on complaining she loses it for the week. Then STICK TO IT.
Try some role playing beforehand. Get her to pretend how she is going to react when you ask her to stop.