AIBU to consider moving to Wales for family and lower costs

[southerngirl10]

We have been racking our brains about what to do about the following situation for the last year and it doesn't seem to get resolved. Sorry, it's long:

We live in the South East of England. Our ds is 16, our dd is 11. My dh and I are both in our 50s.

We are trying to choose between going to a small village in Wales or staying here.

My dh has a part time driving job which is proving to be stressful. I have started care work part time over the last 6 months, which I'm finding a little bit boring.

We have a gardening business and work in that when we aren't working in the part time jobs. I also have a day where I teach a yoga class and offer holistic treatments. After working so hard, we don't have a lot of savings.

We rent. Our landlord agreed to let us stay in the accommodation until my son finished his exams and then a month or two after that.

My dh has been offered a job near his hometown - driving, but it looks like it might be less stressful. I would then have to find care work until I can build up gardening work and my practice again.

My ds has offered a college place in Wales, near the village ds is from and my dd has been offered a place in a school in our local area here (which has a good ofsted rating) and one in the Welsh village (which is underachieving but is classed as friendly and welcoming).

The kids want to go to Wales. They will have family there and a chance of being in a community.

Rents here in the South East are eyewatering, plus council tax, etc. If we move they would be a fraction of the price. My dd would be able to come home and sit with nanny on days when we are both in work.

We are struggling with the fact that we would have to give up our gardening clients, but we may have to move about ten miles away from our city here in the south east, to afford a new rental, so our dd would have to come home from school and be alone for one or two days a week. She's also have a bus journey.

We just feel that we have been isolated here in the south east of England. The village in Wales is rough and ready, but friendly.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I’ve had excellent care. So has my mum. So has my son, bat a couple of exceptions. Long waits in A&E though. I work for the NHS and my service gets very high satisfaction ratings. It’s a very large organisation with a mixture of average, fantastic and substandard services.

I had a lump on my breast and I was seen and given the all clear within two weeks.

If property prices are that low, it means that jobs are scarce and badly paid locally. We saw a habitable cottage with three bedrooms and a sea view for sale this weekend on the Aberdeenshire coast for £110k. Yes, it needed upgrading, but from the POV of a person in Cornwall, where the same house would cost x3 times that, you can only afford to buy if you are already financially secure with the money to do the work needed already in the bank.

Beds in corridors here, as well, so I'm told. Long waiting times. Ok, hospitals are important, but I don't base the decision on that. Also, I may be naive but I believe if a child is intelligent and willing to learn and study, these days with online learning as well, they can achieve any school, if they are happy at that school.

Yes. And we have a population that is skewed towards the older end of the lifespan and poorer health (often going back to our mining history) so there is higher demand on health and social care too.

As you already have family/connections in the area - not to mention your DC are keen to move there - I imagine you'll settle into life in Wales perfectly well @southerngirl10.

Unfortunately it didn't work out for us, despite spending much time visiting Wales before selling up in England to move there in 2018. Originally from the south coast of England, we bought our house in rural Carmarthenshire (from Londoners who'd moved back which should perhaps have been a warning) when we were in our late 40s. Try as hard as we could to integrate into the local community, we never felt welcome (our nearest neighbour, a truly awful individual, went out of his way to make our lives a misery and dissuade us from staying), so once we'd renovated our home we put it up for sale in 2024.

We're now back home in West Sussex and couldn't be happier with our decision to leave Wales. Many of the (English) people we met, often through DH's work - also a self-employed gardener back then, earning a maximum of £13 per hour! - have also since sold up to move back, including one who had relocated to Wales with a whole smallholding's worth of animals. DH currently employs someone who managed to stick it out in Pembrokeshire for just over a year, working as an over-qualified handyman, earning just £70 per day during 2024-25.

However, I can't fault their NHS. Wales is undoubtedly a very beautiful country but sadly we have never experienced such unhappiness as we did there. DH who was eventually diagnosed with severe depression, always managed to see his GP the same day and when he required hospital care in connection with this, it was of the highest level.

Honestly, all NHS health care I have received has been excellent here in Wales. Same for my family.

You will always get differing views depending on personal experience. I live in s. Wales.
It wont mean much to many but the GP contract is in much more disarray in england which will have impact on pt care going forward. You can def get an appt by phone in my working and personal GP surgery.
Sadly i have also had significant contact with NHS as a patient this yr...GP, surgeons, DNs and oncologists so far...have had nothing but amazing and timely care with access to all the same treatments as England.
Sadly there are lots of issues / probs with the NHS at present but this is Uk wide.
As for education...agree depends on what you want to measure... our high school has focuses on wellbeing / non traditional vocational GCSE subjects (which may be a better option with cost of uni / emergence of AI) and none of the nonsense of grammar schools and feeling a failure at 11.

Would you be better off in a city, eg Swansea for the uni and hustle bustle as your kids get older ?

There is a reason why rent is so low in Brynmawr. As others have mentioned its massively deprived with little opportunity for your DC.

I also echo other experiences with the NHS. My DF had fantastic care with his cancer. When he was accessing emergency treatment it was bordering inhumane. As for seeing a GP, you can call mine but even after calling them at 8am you're lucky if you're less than 20th in the queue. Any investigative treatment is best paid for privately due to appalling wait times. This is my experience with services local to Brynmawr.

Yes, move to Wales, including the valleys but pick somewhere with better transport links for your DC so they can access opportunities that they most certainly won't find in Brynmawr.

I don’t think the kids wishes should really sway this that much. You need to think of their futures because they won’t know what they’re moving to. Moving to a rural area with only a low pay low skill economy is really really going to scupper their independence just as they approach adulthood. Move to a cheaper city in Wales if it needs to be Wales, or better yet keep your client base and move to a cheaper part of the SE.
when you’re actually retired then you can live in Wales although it will make you harder for your kids to visit.

Added bonus about fees if any of your DC go to university too.

When I was still living in Wales, working for an English employer that offered a very good health cash plan and voluntarily choosing to increase my level of cover.

I live very nearby and can tell you that gardeners are like gold dust round here ... I am sure you would be in demand. I would move this way if it were me. I live it here and love the wonderful uplifting scenery, the kind people, the absence of traffic and dirty air and noise. I brought my children up here ... they are adults now and they loved it here.
Add jlin the fact that there would be family around for support and it's a no brainer!

Could you compromise on living near the border but on the England side?
I’m Cardiff born and lived on the outskirts for most of my life. I could just about compromise on living in Monmouthshire, near the area you’re looking at. Anywhere else, no chance. There are a lot of, as my friend who lives 20 miles near Blaenau Gwent would say, “arse end of nowhere,” places. The rents and house prices are cheaper for good reason. Employment prospects are likely shite in the area.

It’s not unheard of for children to never or rarely return home after university. Quite simply, many have no choice if they want to get on in life. Bear that in mind too. Even I had to leave eventually. Low pay even seeps into a lot of skilled or professional jobs. I had an almost £10k pay rise overnight to go and work for an English employer, to do the same job I was doing in the outskirts of Cardiff.

If it has to be Wales, as others have mentioned you’re better off living nearer one of the cities in the long term. Transport links aren’t exactly great between cities like Cardiff and nearby towns, as I know only too well. However, you can be quite cut off most of the time the further away you are from a city.

@LibertyLily I was sorry to read about your experiences. Sadly, very relatable. I have family, who were born in South Wales, and moved to that area i.e. also Welsh. Didn’t matter. Even they struggled to be accepted.

My dream is to move to the Aberavon area ASAP which might be years yet.
Such a beautiful coastline and enough shops, cafes etc for us small townies. Go for it OP

A low socio economic area with failing secondary school, poor life chances is not what I would pick for my children if i had the choice. Is there anything on the border you can look at? I'm sure it doesn't have to be one extreme to the other.

What about further down the vallley , Blackwood, Risca or Caerphilly? All have better schools, facilities and transport links. Even Newport has some nice areas despite reports to the contrary!

I’m extremely fond of Wales and have expressed a desire to live there but DH quite rightly pointed out there’s basically nothing there in terms of job prospects at all. I could, if lucky, get a role lecturing in a uni there but DH would be at a loss in his industry. The schools are also pretty bad, you mentioned that one is underperforming- many are in Wales, this has been an issue for years.

Please God dont move your daughter to school in Abertillery. The secondary school is an absolute zoo and she will hate it! Come to Abergavenny and get her into King Henry which, although not perfect , does have a decent pass rate. Honestly, moving from England to Blaenau Gwent really isnt for the faint hearted. Its deeply deprived and an employment blackhole with terrible public transport. Compromise on the size of house but you absolutely need to be Monmouthshire for any chance at a decent school.

Just pm'd you

Thank you Dmsandfloatydress We looked at King Henry viii school in Abergavenny. Went for a tour there. It's massive. We love Abergavenny. We heard good and bad things about the school - bullying, etc and we were put off after talking to one or two people. Abergavenny is lovely, but it also has it's rough element, just like most places.

Also, our son has been accepted at Cross Keys College (as well as a college here in the south east). He's a talented footballer/sportsperson and the facilities there are very good. He wouldn't be able to get to that college and would probably have to go King Henry viii, as well.

I've heard and read that Abertillery was awful in the past. In fact, the recent Estyn report was not that great, and we are worried about our dd. My dh, ds and I would be able to leave the town in the day, my dd would be right in it. I was hoping she would find some nice friends and enjoy the community feel. Also, I am of the thinking that if you are bright you'll still do well wherever you are.

I live in Pembrokeshire. My husband is Welsh, but I'm not. Everyone was very welcoming to me, but he also had family here and knew a lot of people. It's a great place to retire to, as we did.

I would be cautious about the schools though. Education standards aren't great and whilst I agree children should be taught Welsh, it shouldn't be to the detriment of other, frankly more important, languages. Not many children keep it up after leaving school anyway and most young people don't return here after uni because there's nothing for them.

I am in the nicer bit of Newport too, avoid the centre 🤣 I need a gardener too! There’s very little to do in Brynmawr though .

Oh and Crosskeys college is good , I went there and really enjoyed it!

Welsh is important though with employers increasingly needing/wanting to offer their services bilingually. A knowledge of Welsh will enhance employment prospects. If you want Welsh schools to prioritise other non British languages over one of Wales’ official languages, you’ve moved to the wrong place.