AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

Why bother posting op? You clearly don’t think you’re in the wrong. Neither do I now that you’ve clarified you’ll be away.

The point of the post to begin with was very much ‘Aibu not to do it’ which is bound to create a debate because for some people it’s nice to help out and be neighbourly and for others they don’t see why they should be inconvenienced and help anyone out ever, for a lot of people it’s seen as entitled to ask for help with anything on MN.

You can’t do it because you’re not there which is different to choosing not to do it because you can’t be arsed.

No you don’t owe anyone your ‘life story’ but when posting ambiguously you’re opening up a whole debate that isn’t even relevant.

It’s lovely that they are enjoying themselves. My son has worked so hard for the whole 2 years of A levels but the last few months have been a real slog. Some well deserved rest and fun for them all before they start thinking about results. 🤞

You’re out of order here. If you were as emphatic with your neighbour about the situation as you are here there would be no need for you to post. You invited feedback.

Why can’t she put the cat in a cattery? There must be one reasonable close by. Why do people take on pets and then expect everyone else to pick up the slack…….as well as the poo in the garden? 😡🤮

If it were me, I always try to help my neighbours. I’ve always got on with neighbours, as they’re the closest people to me and it’s lovely to have great neighbours. I have DSs of a similar age who work and they’d always help the neighbours. One day, you or your son may need their help.

So, IMHO, YABU. You and your son could be a little more flexible if they’re desperate. Couldn’t your son be away when you’re at home? Or could other neighbours cover the days you’re both away? Or you and your son help the week the cat sitter can’t do?

Is there a cat flap that can be locked to allow the cat in but not out again? If so, surely, it’s just a matter of popping in morning and evening to feed the cat and open/shut the cat flap. You surely don’t need to groom it for two weeks.

I said in my OP that we both said we can’t do it.

You don't have to, but they won't have to help you out one day if you need it.
Personally, I always help a neighbour if I can, like taking a parcel, walking a dog or watering plants, it's all in my interest to have good, reciprocated neighbour relationships.

Helping someone and their problem being your problem are two different things.

The week the cat sitter can't do is next week, when OP is away 3 days. DS presumably could be home when she's away, but has declined to do so. It's not actually within OPs control. If you're correct that your own DC would be willing to forego their own plans for next week for £30, your situation is completely different and not relevant.

I agree but this woman is being entitled and cheeky.

All the same, I would do it. You can't put a price on good neighbours and one day, you might be glad of her.

I would not have my house right now if it wasn't for my neighbour (long story). she's moved house twice since moving out but I still see her for coffee twice a month as I am grateful to her.

FFS, she just needs to post on the local social media pages on FB and she'll have numerous teenage offers to do it for some money.

I think "I don't want to" should be plenty of reason... Why does the OP or her son owe the neighbour cat sitting? I cat sit for my sister and it IS a pain in the arse (I don't mind, I love my sis and she does loads for me) but I have to remember twice a day. I have to wash cat bowls, pick up cat shit, clean out litter trays and remove the odd dead small animal. I don't have cats because I don't like cats. The OP should be perfectly fine to decline any ask for a favour (but then can't complain if next door won't do her favours either!)

I actually love cats. We had 2 but they have bothered died within the last 18 months. 😞 I love all animals and would have more if I had time.

Automatic cat feeder. Plenty available for not much money.
Litter tray might okay for a week.

It’s not your problem but I expect she’s thinking this could be a nice bit of pocket money for your son, it doesn’t take long cat sitting and you’re next door. I’d be frustrated as well ngl.

ah ok. However given some of the comments on here about how OP should change their plans for the neighbour it isn’t always obvious 😁

Funny story… A single mum at our small village primary school with a son 3yrs younger than mine was complaining she couldn’t go away on holiday as her dog sitter had let her down. I didn’t know her at all but offered to have the dog for a week so she could still go away. My dog is friendly and was fine with her dog, but her dog was a nightmare with separation anxiety so DH ended up sleeping on the sofa downstairs all week to keep her dog company as the dog was scratching everything and barking loudly otherwise. 🫢😂

She came home and gave me a box of chocolates as a thank you and moved away shortly afterwards.

I hadn’t seen her in about 6 years until a couple of months ago when I discovered her son is the drummer in my son’s band. I only knew his first name so didn’t twig until I saw his last name on a flyer for a gig they were doing and his dad had been dropping him off to band practise. The band was practising at our house (we live rurally so no-one else to bother) and her son was playing with our dog and saying they used to have a dog until it had to be re-homed. When I showed him pics of his dog playing with our dog, he was shocked as he didn’t twig the connection either. 😂

If she isn't going to pay a decent wage I would also not do it. I paid more for a 14 year old to look after our cats last year for a week!! Honestly I love giving youth we know an opportunity to warn money and have some responsibility- and I pay them well- taught by my dad as a youngster....

For my son to do this, he would have to be here every morning and every evening and he won’t be. Neither will I. It’s much longer than the 10 minutes some are suggesting but most of all it restricts your whole day.

My son often stays at his girlfriend’s house overnight, he is going camping and will also be away for a concert. I will be away for a few nights with work.

This is why we told the neighbour we can’t help.

My son works and gets paid a decent wage.

nanny society - people expectations is for other people, even random people to solve their problems for them. They are like cuckoos in the nest

Well no, of course no one is obliged to help their neighbours out, but it is generally advisable to do these sorts of low-effort neighbourly favours when you can, in order to maintain a cordial relationship and be able to ask similar favours when you need them.

It is if we’re not home. 😂

I would go in and feed the cat. It’s a couple of minutes

Two weeks twice a day isn't a low level commitment!
Fine if the neighbour was away for the night and asked someone to pop in one evening, anything more than that imo is a job, not a favour.

When you can, I agree. We can’t though.

It is also advisable not to be rude when you are the neighbour needing a favour.

Her text to me was rude and I won’t be helping her out even when I can in future.

How would you manage that exactly when on a work trip? Or a camping trip?