15 year old keeps getting parcels and I'm starting to wonder where the money’s coming from

[EarlyMorningTea0]

My 15 year old daughter has suddenly started getting little parcels delivered a few times a week. Nothing massive, just those small padded envelopes or little boxes. She always says its just bits she’s ordered.

Thing is I cant work out how she’s paying for any of it. She doesn’t have a job, gets normal pocket money from us and that definitely wouldn’t stretch to this many deliveries. We’ve not noticed money missing or anything odd with the bank accounts either.

I’ve asked her a couple of times and she just shrugs and says she’s got money. When I ask from where she says she’s been saving or sold a few things, but she’s never really had much worth selling as far as I know.

Part of me thinks she’s 15 and entitled to a bit of privacy, but another part of me thinks I’m her parent and if money is appearing from somewhere I should know about it. I dont want to accuse her of anything if theres a perfectly innocent explanation, but equally I dont want to ignore something that turns out to be a bigger issue.

AIBU if I insist she tells me exactly where the money is coming from?

I think if you just explain to her why you might have concerns, that may come across a lot better than simply asking her outright where she’s getting the money from.

It’s clear you know what she’s ordering so that’s not the worry, but give some realistic scenarios of why you would like some reassurance of where the money is coming from might show her you do trust her and you’re treating her more like an adult than a child, and that this is just safeguarding thing to make sure she’s not in a situation that does warrant worry. Hopefully she will give you a clear answer. If she does get defensive, give examples of why you think she can’t afford some of the higher cost items on £10 a week, even if she has saved for them.

It may well be she is a savvy saver and that should be rewarded if she is but getting her to understand this isn’t you being nosey or dictating what she cannot or cannot buy with her money and is just a check in to make sure there is nothing untoward happening may well stand you in better stead for a a clearer response than a direct hit - teens are very defensive creatures!

Why are you even asking?

Your 15 year old child has access to funds - and you don't know where they are coming from.

Of course you insist!

This. If she's ordering things, even cheap stuff, it'll show in her account - as Will any strange deposits or transfers in.

I opened my bank account at school at age 13.
my sons account was opened as a 11 year old and it just progressed forward each time. He’s now 16 and has had the same account the whole time, with a debit card.

Inpost isn’t a PO Box.

Traditional bank accounts probably, although Nationwide do accounts for under 11s, but I was thinking more of accounts like Monzo, Go Henry and the like which act the same - as in you can put money in them and use a debit card to spend. This is what mine have.

I didn't say it was !

InPost lockers aren't PO boxes

Even if it is only Vinted, she shouldn't even have a Vinted account until she's 18. You have to verify your age and have a way to manage payments. So how's she doing that? Pretty sure depop is the same for selling.

'I don’t know what parental controls people are expecting a 15 year old to have if I’m honest. She’s not got free rein over everything but she’s not 10 either.'

For a start, knowing whether she is making money on a website that you have to be 18 to sign up for. No she's not 10, but she's also not 18. Knowing where and how your child is accessing money is a pretty key part of parenting.

You are talking about her as if she's an adult - she's not. Get involved and find out what's going on. It doesn't matter if it makes you unpopular or if she argues back. Sometimes as a parent that is the consequence of keeping your child safe.

It could be grooming - it's got red lights flashing all over it, even if it's not designer items - and you need to do what you have to do to rule that out.

If she's as grown up as she/ you think she is then she should be able to understand that there's a safety element to this and that it's your responsibility to ensure she is safe.

My son (16) has had online banking since he was 11 I’m sure too!
it’s just signed in on our family iPad, so I can access and see what he’s up to and transfer stuff in and out for him. He has it on his phone too.
i am not sure why people think you can only have a bank account from 18 🤔

Yes, but if you didn't want your parents to know you had dodgy money coming in, you'd send the evidence of that somewhere else. Surely?

Ok, so you understand then that at 15 she can send things to an inpost locker? I wonder then why you responded to someone saying she would send it to an inpost locker by saying she must be 18 to open a PO Box…🤷🏽‍♀️

I am a yes parent. I am laid back. But this is not ok. First of all, my teens have to ask before buying online. This is to avoid scams more than anything else. She doesn’t know she’s buying safely or from a reputable site.
Second of all we are entitled to privacy in our home but not secrets. This is not being honest and open about purchases and this wouldn’t fly in my house.

My daughter is also 15 and gets 40 euros pocket money a month. She buys stuff on Shein like phone cases, bits of cheap jewellery etc and it often costs like pennies. I think she often orders on a day when it´s free delivery too so not even paying that.

That sounds good @EarlyMorningTea0 they are very vulnerable to exploitation at that age, they think they have it all sussed but they are just bigger children.

I do think setting a tone for more open chats is very useful. I have 2 daughters older than yours and a son a little younger and it really pays off to have them quite open with you. I don’t love that you are hearing from them when they are planning to have sex or getting wasted with their mates but it is a trade off.

F

You replied to someone that had suggested that she would get it delivered to an Inpost locker by saying "again you need to be 18 to set up a PO box".
That reply indicates that you thought an Inpost locker was a PO box.

She’s fifteen. You are presumably paying for the phone or laptop she’s using, for the WiFi or data, and you have a responsibility to keep her safe. It’s probably innocent, but maybe it’s not. You need to check. She might be irritated but better that than groomed by an online predator.

It seems there are loads of girls selling stuff on vinted, that they likely didn't buy in the first place ie clothes bought by parents. Certainly it seems many of my pupils buy and sell things, often for much better money than I manage to do!

They can't just sign up and sell stuff. They have to verify they are 18 to a) sign up and b) have a way to receive funds. Their parents have either set up the account for them, or they are using a parent's account. They won't just be grabbing random stuff and selling it (and if they are, more fool the parents for giving them free access).

Shein and TikTok sell cheap tat, so it could be anything from selling her stuff online to selling pics or otherwise on OF.
Once you've had a look at her bank statement, you'll hopefully have a better idea.

I didnt claim they could, but more likely vinted than an OF account as others seem to have worried about!

I think there's a fairly good chance that she's messaging someone online, maybe even in an online relationship and they're sending her things. Whether it's a real teenager or grooming, who knows. But it's pretty unlikely to me that she's using vinted etc.

She needs to show you the accounts and order history. Match the items she has to the order history, grab the next parcel and do the same again.

My cousins daughter who is 17 (so I appreciate is now a bit older) also has a tik tok and Instagram where she has been getting paid partnerships for a year or two. She goes to a private school, is friends with some "celeb" children so perhaps also how she's got it as well as being very pretty. But maybe not a sinister as drugs - vinted buys and plt partnerships could be quite common. Agree a frank conversation likely beat @EarlyMorningTea0

You should be concerned.

My daughter was selling pictures of her feet online, and I only found out after she received a multitude of parcels.
She thought it was harmless but we had a conversation where I explained how poor this was, where she even got this idea from

It's a common practice where older girls/ women try to show younger ones how to get into this on TikTok, I would be careful it's not this