15 year old keeps getting parcels and I'm starting to wonder where the money’s coming from

[EarlyMorningTea0]

My 15 year old daughter has suddenly started getting little parcels delivered a few times a week. Nothing massive, just those small padded envelopes or little boxes. She always says its just bits she’s ordered.

Thing is I cant work out how she’s paying for any of it. She doesn’t have a job, gets normal pocket money from us and that definitely wouldn’t stretch to this many deliveries. We’ve not noticed money missing or anything odd with the bank accounts either.

I’ve asked her a couple of times and she just shrugs and says she’s got money. When I ask from where she says she’s been saving or sold a few things, but she’s never really had much worth selling as far as I know.

Part of me thinks she’s 15 and entitled to a bit of privacy, but another part of me thinks I’m her parent and if money is appearing from somewhere I should know about it. I dont want to accuse her of anything if theres a perfectly innocent explanation, but equally I dont want to ignore something that turns out to be a bigger issue.

AIBU if I insist she tells me exactly where the money is coming from?

How much pocket money do you give her? What kind of little bits are in the packages? Is there any chance she's saved for a long time and is splurging a bit recently?

She's 15, you ask her to show you proof of what's in the packages, what's she's sold, where these purchases are from and where her money is coming from. No excuses, no storming off, no not answering.

How much pocket money do you give her? Few bits and bobs off vinted or Tiktok or Temu don't add up to much. DD sells stuff she's outgrown on Vinted and gets a few extra quid that way. Unless you see her suddenly in Gucci I don't think you've got much to fear.

Not my proudest moment, but at her age I was getting men to buy me thing. Before wifi I'd get gift like extra phone credit. Or little trinkets. Or alcohol. I never directly asked for these things but made it clear I wanted them.

As a parent now I would be very wary of this.

She's 15. You are 1) perfectly entitled to open the packages and see what is inside 2) ask for proof of the orders. If she has a vinted account then make her show you the order history etc etc. 3) install controls on her phone so that she can't make on-line payments without approval from you.

She gets £10 a week pocket money and has done for a while. We pay for things like clothes, school stuff and if she goes out somewhere planned we’re not expecting that to come out of her pocket money.

The parcels have been things like phone cases, make up, hair bits, that sort of thing from what I’ve actually seen. Nothing designer or really expensive, which is probably why I kept telling myself it wasn’t a big deal.

I don’t know what parental controls people are expecting a 15 year old to have if I’m honest. She’s not got free rein over everything but she’s not 10 either.

Some of these replies have made me realise I do need to stop dancing around it though. I’ve been saying things like “where did you get that then?” and accepting a vague answer because I didn’t want to turn it into an argument.

Tonight I’m just going to ask her outright to explain where the money’s coming from and if it’s selling things or Vinted then fine, I’d actually be relieved. If she refuses or gets defensive then obviously I’ll have to take it further. Hopefully it’s something completely boring and I’ve worked myself up over nothing.

She is under 18, you're responsible for her, and it's your house. Meaning it IS your business, because if it's anything illegal, you would be responsible. It's all very well saying she should have privacy, but if there's nothing worrying, why NOT tell you?

temu is really cheap, and requires a £15 minimum spend. My concern might be that she’s developing a shipping addiction; social media sites are so influential

An expensive life lesson

She has two choices; she hands over her phone and you check messages, photos and apps, OR she shows you her bank account. Any resistance and you know there is a high potential that she’s putting herself at risk. At 15 children shouldn’t be having free access to the internet as they cannot possibly understand the risks. Just make sure if you find anything untoward you don’t get angry. Likewise it’s it’s all tickettyboo praise her for being open with showing you her bank details / phone and for previously managing to save well / selling stuff / so she can buy the little bits she wants.

You must be able to check if she is talking to anyone dodgy or having OF or getting gifts off randos?

If there's no evidence of that then I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt that she's just buying stuff with her own legit money.

Kids used to go places like Claire's or other teen type shops but now most things are bought online. So it isn't inherently dodgy she's getting deliveries in itself.

I think that’s fair actually. I suppose I’ve been looking at it more from the point of view of not wanting her to think I don’t trust her, but I can see why people are saying it’s my business as well.

Shopping addiction honestly hadn’t even crossed my mind. She is on TikTok a lot and seems to know about every new thing before I’ve even heard of it. I don’t know if she’s just getting influenced into buying lots of little cheap things because they don’t seem expensive individually.

Either way I think the answer is the same really, I need to have a proper conversation instead of making little comments and hoping she’ll tell me on her own. I’ll update later if I get anywhere. Hopefully it’s all a lot less dramatic than some of the suggestions on here.

Shein bits that are literally pennies?

I would be far more involved and less passive than this. She’s 15 and she needs much more involvement and guidance from you.

So she gets £40 a month pocket money - she can easily buy loads of little things with that especially cheap crap from Tiktok shop etc. You can also get a lot of cheap stuff like phone cases off ebay for free delivery etc.

I wouldn't be to worried personally but since you are I think it's fair for her to show you her bank account etc

Just ask her! She’s still a child and you’re still her parent.

What do you discover when you check her phone?
You could block tiktok for a start.
Step up; she's a child and needs parents to set boundaries and protect her.

where are the packages coming from? if its from china, then it could just be temu stuff you can win things by playing games etc and you can get quite a bit of stuff from temu for £10 a week

Has she got tiktok. They've just had a massive summer sale. Stuff might not have costed as much as you think.

Even if it's legit, you should still be checking her outgoings.

Sorry not RTFT. Reckon it could be the summer sale stuff

@EarlyMorningTea0 I can't believe that you think respecting her privacy is more important than keeping her safe! Go through her phone and then tell her what you have done and why. She will get angry but she will understand why, if not now then when she gets older. I think you are afraid of conflicts and you're hiding behind "respecting privacy" in order not to have one. She's 15 and the red flags are there so security comes before privacy if you're a good parent.

She's only 15 so you must be able to access her bank account - and if not, insist she shows it to you.

She's 15, not 18, and if she did anything criminal they would look to you for explanation (see more serious cases such as the boy in Southport getting knives delivered). I would want to see what she is buying (at least some examples) and how she is buying it.

Yes, you cannot have a laissez-faire attitude. It's obvious that you're worried, so get checking!

The kids all sell and buy stuff on depop. They buy things cheaply at charity shops and sell on, on the depop website. My granddaughter has been doing it for several years and earned enough to pay for a foreign holiday.