15 year old keeps getting parcels and I'm starting to wonder where the money’s coming from

[EarlyMorningTea0]

My 15 year old daughter has suddenly started getting little parcels delivered a few times a week. Nothing massive, just those small padded envelopes or little boxes. She always says its just bits she’s ordered.

Thing is I cant work out how she’s paying for any of it. She doesn’t have a job, gets normal pocket money from us and that definitely wouldn’t stretch to this many deliveries. We’ve not noticed money missing or anything odd with the bank accounts either.

I’ve asked her a couple of times and she just shrugs and says she’s got money. When I ask from where she says she’s been saving or sold a few things, but she’s never really had much worth selling as far as I know.

Part of me thinks she’s 15 and entitled to a bit of privacy, but another part of me thinks I’m her parent and if money is appearing from somewhere I should know about it. I dont want to accuse her of anything if theres a perfectly innocent explanation, but equally I dont want to ignore something that turns out to be a bigger issue.

AIBU if I insist she tells me exactly where the money is coming from?

Yeah Aliexpess and Tiktokshop have no minimum spend and you can get a ton of things for £40.

Tiktok Shop sends out free samples to people interested in promoting them. Maybe less likely but if she has a secret account somewhere she could be using that to get random things.

She could have been saving for a few weeks previously, and now be spending her money on little Shein bits, which don’t cost much.

TBH though, even if she was making some extra cash through vinted I feel like you should have a bit of involvement in that, seeing as you are buying the clothes originally. I’ve heard of kids selling loads of their stuff, only to then turn around and need next to a whole wardrobe of outfits replaced by their parents.

Yikes - you’re such an understanding mum!!
I would have asked/insisted and would expect a detailed answer but then I was a bit of a Atilla the Hen back in the day 🤣

Sounds good! Better than "we pick our battles"! 😄

This.

And 'selling things' almost certainly clothes on depop and vinted.

It’s probably TEMU/Shein.

Phone cases can be as little as 30p

I would be looking at her bank statements.

Definitely

I would definitely be looking more into this and finding out where she’s getting the money and where she’s buying things from, whether it’s her buying them herself or if it’s someone getting them for her. It’s a very valid thing to be concerned about.

She’s 15 and does deserve a level of privacy of course, but not when it comes to something like this. The explanation could be entirely innocent, but as her parent you have a right to know so you can safeguard her if necessary. Privacy be damned in this instance.

This ⬆️ absolutely

£40 a month would go a long way on random bits alone.

Some people are just really good at saving up money. Things are cheap. It could easily be buying stuff out of pocket money or birthday money if she gets that?

However you do need to know if you've noticed as there are a plethora of worrying ways can kids get money as well. I think you're right to do it sensitively because teenagers do like to feel trusted but you need to be firm. Show an interest in the parcels and find out what they are in an interested way first and be direct in asking her 'how do you afford all this?'. You don't have to be horrid but you do have to be insistent. My kids know I am very nosey though.

It shouldn't be a big deal, you asking her and her giving you answers.
Has she always been secretive?

I think teenagers these days understand that parents are worried about all sorts of people taking advantage so even if she's annoyed about having her privacy stepped on she should understand why.

Ye £10 a week and the TikTok shop. Sounds perfectly reasonable tbh

This, but I think I would be open and vulnerable with her, coming from an angle of ‘please put my mind at rest, there are so many scams out there, my mind has gone into overdrive’.

I need you to show me what you are spending and where your money is coming from.

Sorry, OP but I don't know why you're dancing around it with her. She's not an adult. She's 15.
If my 16yo was suddenly spending money and avoiding answering what it was on or where it was coming on, I'd put my foot down and tell him to give me the full details or he'd be facing consequences like having phone or laptop confiscated.
Privacy, absolutely but up to a point. They are still under age and minors.

I wondered this too. But at her age you do need to find out, OP.

I understand concerns about her privacy, but if she is hiding things then as her parent you NEED to know what is going on.

Just my opinion, but if I was in your shoes I would take the view that sometimes parents have to be the bad guys and I would far rather have a pissed off daughter who feels I have invaded her privacy, than have a daugher who is selling nudes on OnlyFans or buying ketamine online. Or doing both.

So I would ask her upfront to begin with. If her answers don't add up (and buying things when someone has no source of income does not add up) then I would demand to see what she has purchased and to see her phone.

At the end of the day, at 15, she is still a child and she needs protecting. Even if she doesn't think so herself.

I agree with the others. It could be buying cheap items on Temu/Shein/Vinted. However it could also be grooming etc. They often start with small gifts and build upwards.
You have to be the parent here. She needs to show (not just tell) you how these items are being funded. Might be worth checking her social media apps etc and see who is following her etc. I would actually ask to see her phone before questioning her about her spending so she has not time to delete messages etc.

There's no way a 15yo of mine would be shrugging that off. She's 15yo, it's your actual job to know where her money comes from and how she spends it. And what she's doing on-line .

I don't think drugs are being delivered to your house by mail, but I do think it's possible she's being exploited in one way or another.

Either way you need to know.

Just ask her to open the next one in front of you

I don't have a teenager, so rank amateur here, but I have been one. So the approach that would have made me less defensive is explaining that the legal system holds you responsible. That if there's any problems with these shipments, you could be facing a court case. And that's why you need her to be in your corner on this.If after seeing that you got the point across she's still defensive and secretive, then there probably really is a problem. That's the time to go full forensic detective on the case.

It's hard not to think of the worst case scenario after vile Huw Edwards. Who would have thought that so anything is possible.
No need for secrecy if there's nothing dodgy unless you are an eco warrior type frowning on buying loads of cheap crap ( I would be lecturing about that so not judging).

If she's selling on Vinted or eBay she needs to be 18.

She's a minor OP so you need to ask her what's going on.

You need a proper chat with her. She may seem innocent but if she’s found a way of making money which isn’t strictly legal then she’ll be secretive about it. Whether it’s running up debt from Apple Pay or OF or something else then you need to sort this.