15 year old keeps getting parcels and I'm starting to wonder where the money’s coming from

[EarlyMorningTea0]

My 15 year old daughter has suddenly started getting little parcels delivered a few times a week. Nothing massive, just those small padded envelopes or little boxes. She always says its just bits she’s ordered.

Thing is I cant work out how she’s paying for any of it. She doesn’t have a job, gets normal pocket money from us and that definitely wouldn’t stretch to this many deliveries. We’ve not noticed money missing or anything odd with the bank accounts either.

I’ve asked her a couple of times and she just shrugs and says she’s got money. When I ask from where she says she’s been saving or sold a few things, but she’s never really had much worth selling as far as I know.

Part of me thinks she’s 15 and entitled to a bit of privacy, but another part of me thinks I’m her parent and if money is appearing from somewhere I should know about it. I dont want to accuse her of anything if theres a perfectly innocent explanation, but equally I dont want to ignore something that turns out to be a bigger issue.

AIBU if I insist she tells me exactly where the money is coming from?

Everyone will tell you it’s either OF or SD or drugs. But I’d think it’s more likely to be proceeds from selling stuff on eBay, Vinted etc.

Either way of course you should ask.

Big red flag. I'd want to know if it was someone else who does have money buying her things.

Any orders placed at your address have the potential to come back on you, if any issues, so yes, I would insist she proves how she’s affording this.

if it’s innocent, and due to money she has fro selling on Vinted or other, then it should be a problem for her to show that.

Your house, your rules

I'd be worried she was a sugar baby

Yes I think you need an open conversation with her. I’d want to see what is in the parcels really. If it’s nothing worrying then she shouldn’t care.

No definitely not loads of expensive stuff, from what I’ve seen anyway. It’s more little things than big purchases which is partly why I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking it.

I have asked but she just gets a bit fed up and says she’s using her own money. I don’t know whether to push it more or whether that’ll just make her clam up completely.

As for someone buying her things, that’s probably the bit that’s worrying me the most. I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to jump straight to the worst conclusion but I also don’t want to be naive if that makes sense.

Is she doing that thing where you play phone games for money?

Temu items for like £1?

Where does her £ come from? You giver allowance?

Why don't you ask her what the bits are, where she got them from and how much they were?
I'm not sure why she should b secretive or defensive when you ask her

Ask her and ask for proof. You’re the parent.

If it's just little things in non descript packaging then she's likely selling off bits of jewelery etc and buying other bits off Vinted

If you're picking the post up see if there are any logos, if the return address is there and always the same

Does she also often take bits back to Evri or inpost lockers?

You'll get everyone telling you it's drugs or sex work but these sound like relatively minor purchases for that money

Ask her! It's not normal for a 15 year old to be totally secretive about parcels. Mine would open it there and then in front of me and chuck the packaging on the floor....

She's 15. You should know where the money is coming from because you carry the ultimate responsibility for however she's getting it.

Tik Tok ? My friend received all sort of freebies from nail polish, face creams etc to advertise and sell on tik tok shop ? She does not sell much but gets to keep the freebies.

Can you see from the parcels where the deliveries are coming from? Maybe she's selling things and then buying others on vinted; it will say vinted on the postage label if so.
If not, does she have a bank account? I'd be asking to see statements or access her app if so.

The privacy thing is something that must be earned imo. She's still a minor and under your roof at the end of the day.

A child is having unknown parcels delivered to your address on regular occasions and you are OK with it?

It isn't her house, it's yours. If those parcels are connected to anything illegal, you will be the one in the firing line.

She doesn't get privacy with anything that could affect you. No matter how old.

Of course she’s entitled to privacy but that is overruled when you, the parent, are concerned for their safety or wellbeing. She 15. Still a child and vulnerable to exploitation.

Even if it’s crap she’s innocently bought off Shein or Temu she needs to understand the data protection risks and that she’s funding human slavery.

@EarlyMorningTea0 She's 15! Go through her phone fcs. She might send nudes to men for money/OF/ stealing stuff from you/family and selling/ drugs. Anything is possible. One of my friends when I was 15 stole clothes she sold and another gave blow jobs to filthy men for money. You need to get to the bottom of this.

Open one before eha gets home. You can always seal it back up

Thanks all. I think some of you have gone a bit further than where my head was if I’m honest. I wasn’t immediately thinking drugs or anything like that, she’s never given us any reason to think that before.

She does have a bank account but it’s one we set up years ago and I haven’t looked at it in ages. I don’t know if I’m even able to without her there, I’ll have to check.

The parcels don’t all look the same. A couple have looked like they could be Vinted but not all of them. She has mentioned Vinted before but I didn’t think she actually used it much.

And no, she’s not constantly sending parcels out herself as far as I’ve noticed, although I’m not with her every minute of the day obviously.

I am going to have another conversation with her tonight when she’s home. I think I’ve probably been too worried about sounding accusing and that’s stopped me just asking properly. I don’t really want to go straight through her phone unless I absolutely have to, I’d rather give her the chance to explain first.

I think you do need to check properly how she's paying.

Just say it, not casually or a vague "can you afford all this" but directly "I need to you to show me how you are funding these purchases please."

I read last week of a teen who ran up a huge Apple Pay bill because she didn't realise that ultimately it was actual money being spent - she genuinely thought it was "use Apple Pay" and that somehow because it always let her pay that way she was fine!

You have to get to the bottom of it. You aren’t being a diligent parent if you don’t.
Probably the only way to do that is to make her understand why you need to know. Give her all the scenarios that could mean she has money you don’t know about, and how vulnerable they would make her. Grooming gangs for a start!
If she understands your concern, and that you’re not just being nosey, but being a good mum, she should be happier sharing with you.

Be a parent, ask her!
Educate yourself about county lines, grooming etc.

It is reasonable to be concerned. She's 15 so it's also reasonable to ask her to take you through her bank statements and search history. If she's reluctant or evasive, that tells you something. What sort of parental controls do you have on her devices?