AIBU to feel uneasy after seeing nursery staff handle my toddler?

[Pinkstuffs]

Went to collect DS 2YO from nursery this evening as usual. He was playing outside, I stood on the decking for a second watching him playing to see if he would notice me. When I was watching a staff member who had her back to me snatched the toy he was holding in a really rough way and yelled at him to share in a really nasty voice. She took the toy over to another girl who was playing with something else and was shaking her head at my DS and saying something I couldn’t hear.

AIBU that this has made me feel really uneasy? Generally the nursery seems good and DS is happy about going but they have had a lot of staff changes recently. The staff member I think knew she was wrong, when she noticed me there and realised I had witnessed the whole thing she went red and turned her back to me, didn’t say anything else. I know DS is not perfect and he needs to share but it was tone of her voice and roughness when taking the toy off him that surprised me. I’m not sure how and if I should approach it with the nursery staff either?

If you knew anything about early child development, nurture principles, national early years guidance and trauma informed practice, as this nursery employee ought to, then you'd know why this behaviour towards a toddler by a practitioner is not okay.

@Kingkane
Judging by some of the replies some parents would have no issue with this. Wild really!

I would definitely be speaking to the manager. I wouldn’t go as far as removing your children given you have two there and it could be hard to find somewhere to take them both.

Hopefully a good talking to from her manager will scare some manners into her. There’s a big difference between thinking your child could be being physically harmed by a nursery worker and one of them accidentally using an inappropriate tone to speak to your child. (Not that it’s ok!)

Just make sure you’re checking in with your children and asking questions and also the manager.

Its fine to not respond in the moment. Often its difficult to find the right words or to process the event fully. I'm wonderful at hindsight!
This is why email was invented! Write down your concerns to the manager as ask them what procedures they are doing to put in place moving forwards to make sure this never happens again. Ask for a follow-up too after the matter has been fully investigated.
If its documented, then there is a permanent record which is really important for OFSTED inspections.
Only you can decide whether this is concerning enough to withdraw your child from nursery.

I’ve heard them use raised voices at children before to get them to listen etc. They sound firm but not hostile and I don’t have a problem with this, sometimes I have to raise my voice at him! She seemed to really be treating him with contempt.

No it's not ok BUT it was presumably the end of a long and very hot shift for the nursery worker, and may have already told your child not to do something several times.

Nursery staff aren't a magical kind of person, much better than a parent, who never ever get frustrated or annoyed or snap more than they meant to.
I think moving your child to another nursery (also staffed by humans) on the basis of one member of staff shouting once is a bit extreme.

Speak to the room leader or manager but don't over react.

No my problem is I don’t know if it was a one off or something that happens regularly, as I’m not there 99% of the time.

I'd take my child out and tell the management why. I did this with the first nursery my child attended after an incident I was very uneasy about. My daughter exhibited anxious habits for two months afterwards after that day and I could never trust the nursery again.

I get that you dont like confrontation OP. Lots of people dont, you are not alone in that. But trust your gut and trust yourself. And you don't have to be confrontational. Think of it this way. You can simply approach the person in charge, explain what you have witnessed and enquire as to why the caregiver used that approach with your child. And from there you can build why you think it was unnecessary. Just stay calm and stick to your guns. You've posted here so you know you are unhappy with what you have witnessed.

I would not have been able to stop myself marching towards her like a lioness.
Definitely report.

It could be that she was tired and frustrated. But the nursery staff need better behaviour management policies if they are getting frustrated with young children. Shouting and snatching things off them is not an effective way to teach them to behave better.

And YY I think as you don't know if it's a regular thing or a one off you could definitely approach it with the most generous interpretation ie perhaps this staff member is inexperienced or similar and could benefit from some support.

I'm afraid when you have witnessed your young child being ill-treated, you can't stand by and say nothing because you 'hate confrontation'. You need to go in tomorrow and ask to speak to the Nursery Manager and report what you saw. I would expect it to be taken seriously otherwise I'd be removing your children from their care. Their safety and well-being is the most important thing here.

Oh I’d be FURIOUS. You deff need to tell the manager!

Same!

Hopefully it was a one off and when you report it and it gets dealt with it won’t happen again. Why are you even questioning if you should say anything!?

I doubt it is a one off.
Report and ask has there been any previous complaints or investigations about this member of staff. Send an email tonight if you’re not good with confrontation.

I can promise you, in every single nursery and school in the world, staff will sometimes get frustrated, snap or raise their voices.

You're never going to know exactly what happens in a nursery though, you just have to trust them.

Not blindly though, raising it to the manager is the obvious basic thing to do. You shouldn’t turn a blind eye to other people’s children being treated poorly, nether mind your own.

I'd move him

Yes, absolutely raise it with the room leader or manager.

But telling the OP to move her children on the basis of someone speaking harshly is over the top.

YANBU.
Speak up and look elsewhere. Once is too many a time!
my sons first nursery had a staff member who was so shouty. I changed nursery quite quickly when I saw how she disciplined the kids, even when I was there at pick up I would see her with the other kids and it didn’t sit right for me. My son is now 4 and still remembers her! If we ever see her around he remembers her as ‘shouty Zaza’. He was there from about 9mo until 18mo. I have zero regrets about leaving that nursery!!

I don’t think it’s appropriate to shout at a two-year-old! As for the pp commenting that he’ll have to get used to being shouted at at school, he’s only two-years-old FFS.

Also, you say it’s a good nursery. Unless they have CCTV that you can check in on. You don’t know for sure what happens when visitors are not present. You have seen an incident when the staff member believed she wasn’t being watched.

Agree with pps who have said to cut her some slack. Working in a nursery in the intense heat must be very draining. I don't condone her behaviour but she must have been hot and tired and may have already asked him several times to share.

I'm sorry but you witnessed a worker manhandling your child and because you, "don't like confrontation" you just let it go? Most parents would have dealt with it there and then. Nobody likes confrontation but you'd better start speaking up for your child as he's likely to need you to advocate for him/support at other times during his childhood.