AIBU to feel uneasy after seeing nursery staff handle my toddler?

[Pinkstuffs]

Went to collect DS 2YO from nursery this evening as usual. He was playing outside, I stood on the decking for a second watching him playing to see if he would notice me. When I was watching a staff member who had her back to me snatched the toy he was holding in a really rough way and yelled at him to share in a really nasty voice. She took the toy over to another girl who was playing with something else and was shaking her head at my DS and saying something I couldn’t hear.

AIBU that this has made me feel really uneasy? Generally the nursery seems good and DS is happy about going but they have had a lot of staff changes recently. The staff member I think knew she was wrong, when she noticed me there and realised I had witnessed the whole thing she went red and turned her back to me, didn’t say anything else. I know DS is not perfect and he needs to share but it was tone of her voice and roughness when taking the toy off him that surprised me. I’m not sure how and if I should approach it with the nursery staff either?

I'd have to say something to the manager / person in charge . It's not OK , I'm surprised you didn't speak to someone straight away .

I wouldn’t be happy about that at all and would be seeing the manager first thing tomorrow. Yes, children need to learn to share, but they shouldn’t be taught like that!!

Why didn’t you say anything at the time if she was so nasty for no reason?

I would start to look elsewhere.

That’s not on at all.

I complained about a way a nursery nurse spoke/handled my DD when she didn't realise I was there. The nursery took it seriously. They reviewed cctv from the room and did an investigation with the staff member. I wouldn't be happy with this at all and would complain

Awwwww poor little peep! Yanbu!

I didn’t say anything because I hate confrontation and I wouldn’t have really known what to say! I didn’t recognise her, I haven’t seen her in his room before. His key worker came over to me to do the handover and DS wanted to get home so I guess I was just distracted and also quite shocked!

Very candidly...
I'd be removing my child from that nursery.
I wouldnt trust the staff member to not hold a grudge or not take it out on my child.

Imo repeated exposure to that sort of treatment at that age impacts them.

Short term I'd complain and ask for cctv footage to be reviewed. I'd say youd prefer she is in a different room from your child for the duration of the notice period and then move him.

Edit: 💐 for you. I have a 2 yo boy and id feel sick watching that. Then moments after I wpuld be raging with the fury of many suns

I wouldn't be happy with that treatment of your ds at all

I feel a bit stuck removing him, because I have 2 DC there, I need to work and no other nursery will have capacity.

It’s not confrontation, you are, or should be, your child’s biggest advocate along with their Dad. You need to chat to a manager about this incident.

This, a thousand times

Also, realise this staff member was behaving that way in the outdoor space at collection time. There's no way I would be taking my child back there, imagine how she could behave behind closed doors left alone with him.

You report her.

Going against the grain here, I’m not really sure what she did wrong? So she raised her voice a bit? Teachers will probably do that at school to him if he isn’t listening. What was she meant to do?

Nursery workers are only human at the end of the day, maybe it’d been a long, hot day, she was tired, he wasn’t listening to her, maybe she’d asked him to share a few times earlier and he’d taken no notice.

I personally wouldn’t be removing my child because someone raised their voice and asked them to share.

OP you witnessed someone you don’t know be nasty and rough with your child right in front of you, but you said nothing to anyone because you ‘don’t like confrontation’ and you won’t remove him either because it’s not convenient. It’s literally your job to protect your children…

I’d ask to speak to the manager, then say “who is this staff member, I know you have had change recently…. This is what I witnessed and I’m not at all happy. How can you convince me I should keep my two children here?”

Have you read the description in the OP? OP doesn’t remotely say that they just ‘raised their voice a bit’

Yes, it says she yelled at him. I take that to mean raising your voice/ shouting? Hardly the end of the world, I very much doubt he’ll be scarred for life!

By all means OP should raise it with the manager if it’s made her feel uneasy, but I’m not so sure I’d be removing him because of this 1 incident

@Itsmeanttobesummer

The op also says that the staff member snatched the toy from her son in a really nasty way. Is that acceptable do you think?

I’m not sure why your ignoring the rest of what she said

I think you really need to be sure of what you see before removing your kids and potentially having to quit your job. Like did she scream in his face really aggressively or did she just say it firmly. Did she snatch it out his hand or did she take it of him. I think in the moment we can perceive things differently to what actually happened. If what you are saying is what actually happened then my kids wouldn't be going back. I think you need to speak to the manager and let them view cctv to understand what actually happened and go from there

Hate confrontation??

Now you have a kid you have to confront people.... I'd get my kid out of that nursery

Do you really need to ask on Mumsnet? 🙄