Equal bill splitting annoyance

[Adfreefreezer]

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

Doesn’t this put your third friend in a difficult position? So presumably they would split the rest of the bill three ways and she pays proportionally even more.

Why can’t you just bring it up? Say to them when it’s time to get the bill ‘right, it’s x£ between four…if you two add another tenner each that will cover the booze’

The fact that they are not embarrassed to let you pay for them means you shouldn’t be embarrassed about mentioning it!

if these people are friends, then you should be able to address it without drama.

Go up to the counter, pay your share, go back to the table and say goodbye, announcing: 'I must leave now, sorry for rushing off. I've paid my share... Thanks everyone for a great time!'

I've paid my share... Thanks everyone for a great time!'

nah I would day - ive paid for what ive had. Otherwise they may think you've paid a quarter of the bill, if there is 4 people. I'd be very clear ive paid for what I had.

It’s horses for courses and I think a big factor is people’s budget , in one group of friends we are all affluent so no one worries about who has what , we split the bill evenly . In another group there are some living pay check to pay check so we have to go to cheaper restaurants and pay individually. As long as people know the score there shouldn’t be any animosity. Tell them at the outset how the bill is split so there are no surprises.
Back in the day I had one particular friend who ate the most expensive items on the menu drank expensive wine and always split the bill evenly. The last straw was a restaurant in London where she chose lobster and champagne. I had lasagne and a beer . The bill was over £140 of which mine was £37 . I was incensed when she said £70 each . I said I’d forgotten my wallet and only had £40 cash on me but at least that covered my meal haha . Her face was a picture . Her menu choices were more restrained from then on .

Where I am from, everyone just pays for what they are having. The waiter asks "together or separate" and when you sau separate, they will bring you your individual bill. This is one of the few things I wish was the norm everywhere. I feel like all other options are awkward. Living in the UK we get to this problem and feel the pressure to split the bill equally and I feel like I don't get to order what I want or alternatively we awkwardly calculate our shares to the staff.

Thanks everyone , I've just used chatgpt and drafted a note which I'm going to send out before we meet again, saying

Hi you guys, just a heads up, next time we meet I'm happy to split the food and soft drinks but as a non drinker I would rather not split the alcohol bill equally ....Hope that's OK

Of the 4 one is a good friend and 2 are ex work colleagues , the good friend is also a light drinker , so will.be happy I expect

As I get older I am less willing to just let these things go, and subsidising 2 heavy drinkers every time is irritating 😒

I'm not skint but 30 quid a time and more at Xmas is too much !

I live in the UK and we've always split the bill. You look at the itemised bill and pay for what you've eaten or drunk. I went to someone's 50th last Friday - about 12 people, and the waiter went round the table with the card machine and we paid for what we'd consumed.
Perfectly normal.

That resonates, yes the 2 big drinkers are not embarrassed so I won't be !

I genuinely don't understand this. There are only 4 of you. You order what you want. At the end, you pay for what you've consumed. It's not hard - it's normal in every restaurant.

Hard to explain, but the biggest drinker is normally a bit pissed and when the bills arrives says oh that's 50 each or whatever and it's too awkward to disagree

It’s not awkward to disagree / take the bill, grab a calculator and say something like “ those who had alcohol pay 75 and the others 25”

although think you should say at the very start that you won’t be splitting bill evenly but only paying for what you have

Why is it hard to disagree? You say, no, your bill is X and mine is Y.

Say something at the start. The heavy drinker is reliant on you being so meek and passive that you fund his alcohol for him.

I'm going to send my chatgpt note before we meet next time to make sure they are aware !
Alcohol bill will not be split equally any more

I'm going to disagree. You're "happy to split the food bill"? No. At the start of the meal, just make it clear - everyone pays for what they eat and drink. Perfectly normal, perfectly reasonable.
No need for notes or chatgpt or excusing yourself.
The last time I did this with friends we even added on whatever % we chose as a tip.
So, when the bill arrives, say to the waiting staff- "we're paying separately please, mine comes to £25 including the tip" present card. Next person. Done.

I’ve never ever spilt the bill this way and never would.

The only time I’ve ever split the bill is when we both have ordered off the same menu and shared a bottle of wine and so the cost is literally half.

Never would I pay for someone else’s drinks or expensive food.
I would absolutely refuse my friends to pay for my alcohol if they were barely drinking or not drinking at all.

Your ‘friends’ are CFs

I think your message is perfect and will hopefully allow the third person to say the same.

If their bill was 50 and mine was 20 i would not find that awkward at all. I'd say mine is 20 and pay that

I have managed to pay for my own meals, but in a very few restaurants it has worked as smoothly where the waiter asks "separately?" And you just get your own bill. It does happen but more often it has invovled pointing out what you ordered and making calculations etc. But glad to know getting separate bills is normal and I've been to just weird places 😅

I think soon when cashapps will arrive everywhere and people can just swipe to transfer money, these will become easier aswell.

Do people who are on strict budgets not deserve a night out and to have friends?

Amazingly, the CFs will keep a completely straight face when they tell you that, if you can't afford to pay for your own food and drink and also a hefty chunk of theirs, YOU can't afford to join in and go to the meal.

THEY, on the other hand, can afford it, even when they're relying on a big sub from you and the other moderate consumers to pay for much of theirs; but somehow it's YOU who is being unreasonable and trying to live beyond your means!

Yes, good point. It's always been this way in my circle, and I've noticed that the waiting staff seem very used to, and set up for, separate billing.
It's so straightforward as well, I don't know why there's any awkwardness on the OP's part.

It's almost worthy of a TV sitcom farce when they come out and admit it, isn't it? I can fully imagine Lee in Not Going Out planning that and then blurting it out in such a scenario upon discovering that the plan hadn't worked... but even he would follow it up with awkward embarrassment at having actually said it out loud!

I think it is mainly extreme Major Character Syndrome that drives these people. To them, other people are just a homogenous resource that they have to work in order to get what they want.

In their heads, it's just an 'offer' where you have to make sure that you get best value - like when shops have 'buy 3 and get the cheapest one free', so if you have 3 items each costing £25 and another costing only £5, you deliberately put the one that's a fiver through afterwards as a separate transaction.

I’m not sure the people drinking alcohol should pay for your soft drinks - do they order soft drinks?

In theory, if you're a group who regularly eat out together, it should 'even out' over time if you split the bill on every occasion; but in reality, it's always going to be the same people who go for the expensive dishes and multiple cocktails; whilst the others routinely go for a lemonade and a cheaper dish.

No problem whatsoever if you're happy to pay for what you choose; but not if you plan on the others subbing you every time.

It's interesting how many people fully understand the inherent expectation of big eaters and drinkers getting a subsidised bargain, when they will phrase it that they 'can't afford to split the bill', but somehow feel that it's condign and they will seem petty for objecting. It's clear as day that, if somebody is saying that, it means that one or more other people have spent way more than they have, and that they feel entitled to a sub as their absolute right.

I was being polite , I.pay at the bar for mine when I arrive

I agree. It's important not to tip it the other way and inadvertently become the CF yourself!

It's not difficult; even tiny children understand it when they learn to play 'shop': each item has a price, you have some money, and any items that you choose to buy will mean you have to hand over the equivalent amount of your own money to get those items.