Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

The penny pinchers are always always the ones who have more than their fair share of alcohol and drink. CF in my experience.
I couldn't imagine sitting there drinking loads, while someone has sat there with a soda which they bought themselves and being happy about splitting the bill at the end. I'm generous enough to say 'no, you've not drank, let's work out what you owe'. These people will be more than aware they're taking the piss.
When I go out with my friends, we generally split as we all have roughly the same (we don't get calculators out!). Although if someone is driving or eaten significantly less, we'll do a quick tally in our heads.
Anything else is cheeky and mean spirited and just causes resentment if it keeps happening.

People who object to splitting a bill are the ones who order a fillet steak whilst everyone else has a salad.

It isn’t penny pinching not to want to subsidise others who take the piss.

I’m not a drinker, I will maybe have a glass of fizzy water or coke when I’m out for a meal. Why am I paying for a bottle of wine? I can’t eat more than one course, why am I paying for 3 course meals for others? Generally pay my own way and couldn’t care what people think.

What particularly bothers me is when we have work meals out. People always think it’s fine to split the bill, forgetting that the trainees on the table are on really shit wages. Why are they paying for the bosses dinner? I’ll always put my foot down on their behalf, and usually throw more in to the pot to cover part of their meals.

🤣🤣🤣

This sums up CF bill splitters perfectly. Gobble down as much as possible while you think that you can get someone else to pay for it. Cheeky Fuckers treat bill splitting like buy one get one free.

It's absolutely not fair to be the one subsidising the three course, 2 bottle of wine and several cocktail people. Any good friend will chip in extra to cover themselves if there's a big discrepancy.

I was at a work Christmas party meal once and everything was split evenly, 80 euro each. The girl beside me was pregnant, had one main course and a glass of water. She didn't want to say anything or make a fuss but I was so annoyed on her behalf.

It is a common frustration when spending habits differ in a group. Many find that suggesting separate tabs at the start of a meal is a polite way to ensure everyone pays for exactly what they consumed without creating friction.

cheeky CF friends!

I think it’s always good to clarify this when arranging the meet up so everybody knows beforehand or what the payment arrangements are and saved in awkwardness at the time.

A friend of mine who’s always been very generous recently said that she was saving to pay off something and with cost-of-living, wanted to pay for herself rather than split the bill, so we all did the same. Nice and easy - it just needs one person to start the conversation and take the lead.

This happened to me. Or was about to. And luckily a colleague had noticed I’d only had a main and no drinks and commented I should only pay for that. Thanks C!

I don't drink alcohol and am heartily fed up with going out for meals, drinking lime and soda at a pound or two a glass while others knock back cocktails and bottles of wine and then getting the "we'll just split this X ways shall we?". Mostly now I just go "absolutely not, we'll split the food but I'm not paying your drinks bills" but I am quite confident and that might not be something everyone can do.

I have another couple of tactics for handling this which might suit. One is to take cash and keep a running check in my head of what I have ordered then put my cash down as soon as the bill arrives. The other is to go to the bar to pay my share before anyone gets a chance to ask for the bill, claiming I need to leave early or something like that.

When the bill arrives (or soon after looking at it) say “is it ok if I pay for just mine? I paid for my one drink at the bar and my meal was £15”.

I’ve very rarely been at a meal where the bill has split very unfairly. Usually someone pipes up on behalf of others eg Sarah is veggie and pregnant, so her share needs to be significantly lower.

Ask the restaurant for separate bills at the beginning. Or go somewhere that offers an order at table option so everyone orders and pays for their own

How does it even out though? In my mind t can’t even out.

I used to split. But after divorce it became a choice between feeling a bit mean for not splitting or not going at all. I decided to mention it to my friend when it was just the two of us. And we paid for for our own. She’s a big drinker so we would “share” a bottle of wine. I’d have half a glass and didn’t enjoy it.

in group situations it’s more awkward until as I said my colleague pointed it out.

it’s now really simple when the bill comes everyone says to the waiter what they had they pay individually. Plus a little more for the tip.

I had a loose work group like this. Most had a main, and a couple of bottles of wine for the table. Coffee at the end. The one invariably had entree, main, dessert, and a frangelico with coffee. Then would tot up the equal share himself and announce it to everyone. He sped off in his luxury car, to ponder his large shares portfolio (this is true). I got the bus to go home to my 2 young children. I don’t mind give & take at all and got caught a few times before I realised there was no give returned. He did it all the time. Nothing like getting others to subsidise your lifestyle.
oh, and there were times where he scooped up the waiting staff tip and pocketed it! Didn’t realise at the time as he always did the paying to collect points on his credit card.

That's a good idea 🙂

Just say im not drinking so ill just pay for what ive had rather than splitting tonight (put towards tip though). No one will think bad of you. I have a friend who always has the most expensive steak on the menu often with starters and desserts. She doesnt do it on purpose - just loves a nice steak and eats a lot more than me.
I can’t eat huge portions so usually just have the 1 course so stopped splitting the bill ages ago.
its especially easy if you are leaving first as you can just get £25 out or whatever and say heres mine plus a tip - bye.

If they ate main courses that were more than yours AMD drank, there’s no way they don’t know what their bill should be. They’re talking the piss because they can. There was another excellent thread on this a while back where a CF was renowned for doing just this and got his comeuppance and was very blustering when it came to paying for exactly what he’d had so clearly knew what he was doing. Crap at searching for threads but someone might find it. I am generous with friends but this level of 5 drinks and food then splitting and making one person pay so much more- Lots of pounds not pennies- is CF.

I don’t get the drama at all. I’d happily just say “I wasn’t drinking so won’t be splitting the bill” and just pay your meal plus a tip.

If they’re funny about it, then they aren’t friends worth having.

She's paying double what she's actually consumed and giving a large subsidy for people's drinks..

With pals it's never been an issue... We usually have very similar amounts of food/drink... No one cares about the odd 4-5£...it all equals out across time...

I've been in the very unequal share of bill most often with work colleagues.... The ones that order several cocktails and bottles of wine.... In a large group it's quite likely I barely know them... These are the exactly the sort of people who suggest the lowest paid members of the team heavily subsidise their drinking.... Amazingly the bill is always split in their favour.... I did object once when I was on basic salary and I ended up woth a bill 4 times what I consumed... I just put my share on the table and left... Suspect they were too pissed to notice!

I wouldn't ask permission... 'Ah here's my share abd tip and bung 20£ or whatever it is dowb on the table...

It's hard for them to argue with that, without looking ridiculously CF

Ask to seperate the bill. Do they always do this? I don’t understand the mentality of people who don’t want to pay their own way. Where are their manners?

I really don’t get this… I’d rather just split for ease; sometimes that will mean I’ve paid more sometimes less. I’m there for the experience.

If someone’s not drinking, for example I’ll always chip in and suggest they pay less. But I also can’t understand why they wouldn’t just suggest they pay for what they have. That’s not a big deal. It’s only annoying when the people who want to pay only for what they’ve had leave off anything shared like sides, or tip / service charge so the bill doesn’t balance.

Just don’t be like someone who was my friend for over 30 years and that I’ve recently stopped speaking to over a similar issue.

She is very well off and I’m not, that’s just life but she constantly seemed to drop into conversation how much money she had or had spent and I found it frustrating and tone deaf when I’m really struggling at the moment and that’s been the case for a few years now due to a terrible change in circumstances.

She must have been keeping a tally for years about any time there was a financial discrepancy when we had a day out or eating out or similar.
I borrowed some money out of desperation and she made a big thing about how I could pay it back when I could afford it and how it was nothing to her. I was unbelievably grateful and have always planned to pay it back but then I recently got diagnosed with a serious illness.

For some reason out of the blue after being really supportive she insisted she wanted the money back and gave me a deadline of two weeks as now I was so ill and couldn’t work she decided it was a priority I paid her back as my finances are only going to get worse.

She sent me an official sounding message with the date she wanted it back but also listed money she decided I now owe her from every time we’ve split something in the past that’s been uneven in my favour.

For an example of what I mean it was like this:

Meal 3/5/2022 at restaurant: bill was £70 but I only ordered food and a glass of water to the cost of £28.
Coffee in Costa 6/10/2023 - you said you’d transfer the money when your card didn’t work - £8.70
Trip to cinema 4/9/2025 - the tickets were free and I paid for the snacks. You owe me £11
(On that occasion I got the free tickets anyway!)
Restaurant 22/12/2025 - your meal was refunded because it took so long to be ready but we usually split the bill and you just paid for your drink.

I’m glad I’ve had a chance to have a rant about it as this has only happened in the last few days and I’ve been so upset by it.

People have commented on this thread about friendships shouldn’t be transactional. I bet no one has encountered this level!

And if people are thinking that it’s fine because it’s her well earned money… it isn’t.
She’s never worked after marrying a very rich man and being a SAHM till her kids were almost adults then getting a huge divorce payout plus multiple inheritances from rich parents.
I know I’m still in the wrong for not being able to just pay it back and wish more then anything I’d never borrowed it but it’s hard not to be bitter when I’ve worked 50-60 hours a week until recent illness 😭.
Also I’m amazed that she’s kept a score of all the other things and I had absolutely no idea she’s obviously been resentful this whole time.

You ask for the bill

right, I’m going to tot up what I had - if anyone says let’s just split it, say let me subtract what I had first and then you can all choose to split as you like

im just going to pay for what I had, it’s easy for the waitress to split the bill that way. Pay by card

by the time you’ve taken a £160 bill and subtracted £15/£20
and the bill is now £140, the other person that only had a meal etc will do the same - leaving the two piss takers ( and they know they are piss takers, they’re not stupid or blind ) to pay the remaining £120 bill at £60 each

Does nobody go anywhere that does separate bills or table ordering?