To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

I honestly think it is down to the party parent to take responsibility for their own decision. If you feel it might be helpful for them to know that he is a bit hard of hearing, then tell them.
I think you will find he will behave to their house rules when he is there. Sometimes children behave better when mum is not around.
I once had a child to stay while her mum was in hospital and the mum was so worried as she said she could be so badly behaved. She was fine ... there was one little blip that I dealt with very firmly and that was that.
I think your son should go to the party and you should go home and have a cup of tea and a well deserved rest. If he misbehaves then it will be down to the host parents to deal with it, but it is most likely that he will behave when you are not there ... children are like that!

I just don’t think he’s quite ready for an unsupervised party ...

I am sure he will be well supervised ... the hosting parents will be expecting to do this. As long as they have your phone number they can let you know if there is a problem.

Either you are overly stressed for no reason or reflects that your kids don’t know how to behave when they go out. It’s a place where kids live so I don’t see why. Haven’t your kids been to a playdate? It’s the same thing. I have hosted so many times playdates with 8-10 kids. I never had an issue.

Give your son very clear boundaries before the party of things he is not to do. Set out the punishments if he does them anyway very very clearly. Make sure this is consistent with past behaviour and he knows you are serious about the punishments for misbehaviour and will carry them out if he misbehaves.

Then drop him off at the party and see.

Unless your child is very noticeably worse behaved than other children then this is probably enough.

Is he noticeably worse behaved than other children his age?
How does he compare to his classmates?
Have you heard reports from school?

It’s an invitation not a summons if you don’t trust him to behave well enough in this situation with another grown up supervising then you can just decline. ‘I’m sorry unfortunately x can’t make it to y’s party. Hope you have a lovely time’

There will be plenty more parties and hopefully he will grow into more sensible choices as he gets older. He’s quite young to be going to parties without you yet anyway.

If you would rather go with him you could say x tends to get very hyper at parties and I worry he wont make good choices. Can I come and help?

It sounds like you’ve been burned by having attended a party that wasn’t very well organised before and that made it stressful for everyone. If they are well occupied throughout and anything delicate is put away there isn’t enough time for any major damage.

In the summer they’re typically mostly in the garden anyway tbh so people only go in to use the loo. House parties were totally usual when I was growing up, we had great fun at them.

Imo it's unfair to send a child who is unable to be respectful to anywhere unsupervised by the parent

So.....re this party. The parent stays at the party to supervise or the child doesnt go to the party

You don't (imo) dump your child on someone else, knowing that they don't follow instructions

Op, you have the patience of a saint. I would rather deal with bunch of hyper, rampaging 5 year olds than the majority of posters in this thread. Not reading what you said repeatedly, unable to comprehend people having a different experience to them, diagnosing you with a mental jealth
condition when you mention being stressed.
i think what they actually want is for you to send your child and report back that he behaved badly so they can berate you for being a terrible parent.
If we’re comparing parenting to dog training the one of the
most important things is to avoid putting your child in a situation that they are not ready for.

Thanks @TheVeryThing . It isn’t a big deal but it does get frustrating when it’s clear people just aren’t reading the thread at all, even when you answer directly!

You are his parent. Do whatever you think is best.

I’ve done a few house parties for both
my children (of about 15 children) when my children were 7-8 and it was mayhem. The kids were all super excited (not a problem) but I just couldn’t relax as I was so scared I was going to lose one of them 🤣

We had lots of planned activities and hid anything we didn’t want broken but it’s impossible to keep your eyes on every child!

It was lots of fun but when pick up time came and the parents were lining up outside the front door all I could think was “Please God let their child appear when I call their name” 🤣

It was exhausting but the kids loved it!

I do think chikdren get more hyper and excited at house parties than venue parties!

But anyway, back to you OP.

I would let him go OP. The hosts have made the decision to have the party at their house, I’m sure they are semi-prepared for what to expect and they consequences will be there’s to deal with.

Just give your son a little talking to before he goes about the importance of behaving in other people’s houses and being careful of their belonging, then drop him there and run 🤣

Explain to the other mum that you’ve spoken to him about being respectful but that he may be get over excited as it’s his first house party, and just ask her to call you if he gets out of hand.

That way she knows you have you have spoken to him and therefore you have shown you are considerate of her home and you have also given her a “get out” if she does find it all a bit too much if he does play up.

I wouldn’t want him to miss out.

I’ve hosted quite a few kids parties at my home and always clear a good space and remove anything of value. Even the best behaved group of children can be a lot en masse. So don’t assume the host won’t have thought of these issues and be planning accordingly. It won’t necessarily be a free for all of kids running rampant and destroying all their stuff.

We had a lot of at home parties between 2005 and 2015 for my DC and they were fine. I think it’s a bit like when they are at school, they respond to the adult running the party as they would a teacher. They do get a bit over excited but a firm voice for a quick moment if things start getting a bit out of hand and things get back on track. If the parents are having it at home they are obviously happy to handle a group of excited children though I guess it might be their first go and they don’t know what it will be like.

However 5 is still young and you know your child so if you feel it isn’t a good idea, decline. Or do what someone else suggested, say please don’t hesitate to to ring if he gets over excited . Alternatively ask if they would like an extra set of hands running it.

We had home parties, but 3 summer borns so all mostly outside running riot in the garden. I always blocked off upstairs n bedrooms. N yeh there was so called wilder ones, had one lad run into a field next door n disturb a wasp nest. But it's all part of it we didn't think badly of them or their parents just all having fun. A house party especially boys age 5 in December is a recipe for disaster lol just let him go he'll be fine.

And that’s when you grab yours by the wrist, haul him out of the room and tell him if he doesn’t stop being silly you’re taking him home right now.

I’ve had to do it myself.

Don’t overthink it, just give him a warning before you go in, tell him clearly what you will not tolerate, and follow through firmly. No need for shouting, just grab him and deal with it.

🤣🤣🤣

I have sons and one of them had a house sorry for his 7th party and he invited 10 boys and 5 girls.

The boys were just being mental whilst the girls just stood in one corner of the garden looking totally overwhelmed by the chaos!

I left my husband in charge of the boys and I took the girls upstairs to do some colouring 🤣

It was the mixed sex house parties that really opened my eyes as to the difference between boys and girls in energy, noise and excitability levels 🤣

Parent your child and stay involved rather than making small talk.
Then you will know what they are up to and can nip any unwanted behaviour in the bud.

Oh just give it a miss OP, it won’t kill him to miss one party and then you can move on with your life.

How badly behaved are they?

I think this is one of those situations where yes, it's possible that a bad thing might happen, but that's part of the risks of life. If you take all those risks out then you'll remove too much good stuff from your child's life. So you take a deep breath and hope. And sit him down in advance to make expectations clear.

Thanks all. On balance I’ve decided to give this one a miss: it isn’t hugely local and so I’d have to get my other child in the car then practically no sooner are we back then out again. So will give my apologies and wish the child a happy birthday. I don’t think ds is quite ready for such levels of responsibility!

Did you speak to the parent about your son?
So this is yet another drop out from a party where others have dropped out. Did you read the thread where only 4 kids turned up from a class invite party?

I feel sorry for the birthday child here.

I haven’t ‘dropped out.’ Dropping out suggests having said yes and then doing a volte face, which I haven’t. I honestly don’t know why some posters are acting like you’re doing something cruel and wrong in not going to a party. Sometimes, people can’t make a kids party.

You are being very unreasonable, denying your child some fun for an entirely normal party.