To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

[hiddenforest]

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

MY youngest DS has AuDHD with the emphasis on A ARRGGGGGGGHhd side. he also has anaphylaxis both of which I was very open about to parents who did invite him to parties held anywhere and especially in their homes. HE would be beyond excited and home in on anything that captured his specific interests. Yes he could spot those through closed doors. Most other kids would stay without parents I would stay but keep back as I never expected another parent to be EpiPen trained nor to know what to do if he did manage to find something he was horribly allergic to.

Second others comments about trying to relax. all younger children find a party a bit hyper even if it was just bread and water. IF you are concerned have a quiet word with the parent/s whose house the party is at and if they are relaxed about it all try and go with it. I used to have parties at ours on the grounds anything that could be got at and smashed my kids had already found and destroyed and anything that was truly special and precious was behind my locked bedroom door. take it from me the more kids you have the more relaxed and aware you become about what kids can get up to. All I asked was parents to be aware not to bring in anything younger DS was allergic too and let them have the list as he had form for finding it and ending up in A&E within the hour.

Round here, when people have parties at home it’s because they have a very nice house and want someone to see it!

I hate sounding horrible but you haven’t engaged with my answers at all, so when people don’t read what you put it is a pointless thread as it isn’t a two way conversation.

@BudgetBuster I think to an extent you end up playing a bit of devils advocate: if everyone had replied saying ‘actually yeah don’t take him’ I might be more inclined to come up with reasons why I should. Either way it isn’t that big of a deal. On balance, I’d prefer not to go. It isn’t in the garden, and I think ds (not just ds) could become problematic. Not a massive deal and certainly not worth arguments and spite.

This sounds like a clear plan.

All of them without exception were held at home and heavily supervised by hosting parents. No other parents stayed, ever, and I don't remember any particular bad behaviour or mayhem

Agreed. It was a different kind of discipline. I think lack of tech made for much more face to face communication and socialising. Children learned quicker, the right way to behave in different circumstances. Parents were 'on it' all the time.
I'm not talking about smacking, contrary to popular opinion most parents didn't (in my experience).

I completely understand that you have your reasons why you don't want to go. I get it... ive had young boys... ive seen them lose it in a giddy group. But I've also thrown them day parties in the house knowing they can be idiots. You've repeatedly said your son is actually a good kid but can just get a bit giddy and hyped up. That's so normal. And I personally think it's very unfortunate your son will miss out on a perfectly normal childhood activity with his friends.

And the poor little boy/girls who’s having the birthday? If all the parents think like you then what??
Every single one of my children’s parties have been held at home. From 1 to the 16th birthday I’m holding next month. I have never had any serious damage and prefer when parents don’t stay as I can then manage the children as I choose. BUT I have chosen these parties and have accepted that occasionally things get spilled or broken. My choice.
Please send your son to celebrate this child’s birthday..

Ouch! .. is it hot where you are!?

The point I was making is that it is simply not a big deal at all. I cannot see why it might be a problem. Now if your child is generally allowed to misbehave then that is a problem. I am sure it will be fine.

I think there’s a very good chance ds will get wild and silly and things broken and or people hurt.

That is quite extreme and I am sorry you are struggling with controlling your child. Maybe some help is needed here.

I agree it’s not a big deal. I either say yes or I don’t. I may decide on balance I just don’t think he’s quite ready for an unsupervised party or I may decide to risk it.

Really, the thing driving this thread is just that I’m trying to be considerate.

@Smartiepants79 I mean occasionally there will be parties we can’t make … it isn’t my responsibility to go I do actually try to go when I can because I enjoy them but equally sometimes it just won’t work for us.

We had a party at our home when our son was in year one, but we've never had one here since. Not because we weren't prepared for 18 six year olds running around, but because not a single parent stayed so we ended up trying to manage it all solo. I bet your child and the host would love it if you stayed, and as others have said people know what to expect when they hold a party at home x

I think it’s a space thing @mummabubs . It is a fairly small house and I don’t think they’ll be able to get all the children in if adults stayed.

Thanks for replying though as this is my worry. At heart ds is a nice child but he does get boisterous and unintentionally destructive. He isn’t acting in malice, he’s more like an elephant cheerily blundering around completely unaware of the trail of destruction he’s leaving in his wake!

Only the badly behaved ones who parents don’t parent and excuse their behaviour.

Well, it’s a bit difficult to parent when I’m not there, isn’t it?

And so we go round again …

And actually I’m going to be uncharacteristically nitpicky now.

badly behaved ones DS isn’t a saint and yep, he can be badly behaved. I would broadly say he gets boisterous and silly rather than purposefully mulish and obnoxious but nonetheless, he doesn’t always listen well (he also had a hearing impairment so can be hard to distinguish between ‘he didn’t hear’ and ‘he chose not to hear’ IYSWIM.)

whose parents don’t parent I would have thought the overriding theme on this thread is I do. I’ve avoided places I know will be problematic in the past, I watched him like a hawk at the last ‘home party’ and thus saved many toys from being trampled underfoot, not just by my own ds but by others. I am aware my DS is not perfect and so I do keep an eye, intervene and step in, and I can and do discipline him if needed. However, if I’m not there I can’t do those things, can I?

So you want to be 'considerate' by banning your child from a party that the birthday child and his parents thought was fine to invite him to?

He's not gatecrashing here. It's the party they chose and invited him to.

How odd.

If your child is unable to act respectfully in a space, then I agree, don't take child to the space

How will a child ever learn how to behave if just not allowed at certain places. It's like 6 in one hand and half a dozen in the other.

I had loads of parties at home as a child, it’s totally normal (well it was back then anyway). If the parents are hosting a party in their home I can guarantee they will have moved anything breakable/ valuable away. I would also assume that as children live in the house anyway, that it is child proof!

I think you’re being a bit ridiculous to be honest.

If he’s the little hooligan you’re making him out to be then you probably should keep him away tbf. I’ve never once had a kid charging about the place like a mini tornado smashing the place up and hurting people.

I don’t think he’s a hooligan at all. I think he’s prone to being over excitable and boisterous and needs a parent there to manage this and to ensure the hosts don’t have to deal with him when they want to be celebrating their own child.

Presumably all these children going to the party are of a similar age so the parent knows how that age group behave when excited. They have still made the decision to hold the party in their house.

Do you have reason to think that your child is likely to be any more boisterous than all the others?

I think I’ve explained reasonably clearly tbh.

Whilst it isn't what I would expect from some 5 year olds, it is what I could foresee potentially happening with a dozen 5 year olds at a birthday party.

Most things can be quickly cleaned up and look worse than they are. My daughter is in year 1 and we have had her friendship group over a few times. On one occasion we heard one as they got into her bedroom shout "let's make a mess" and oh boy did they! All of the clothes from her drawers had been pulled out, the linen basket had been emptied, her bedding and mattress and pillows removed from the bed and her toy chest had been emptied. It looked like the yellow pages advert where he comes home finds his house unlocked so it looks like he has had a break in and really it's just messy and he phones a cleaner. It was all back to normal in about 15 minutes.

5-6 is a tricky age and I wonder if you have got a bit stuck with parenting approaches that were helpful when your son was younger. It seems like you are keeping him behaving as you would like by managing him and stepping in before he does something. You say it's you can't parent when you aren't there but at 5-6 that is what they should be starting to learn. At 3-4 you need to make their world safe and foster positive social interactions in considered ways but as they get older it's more about making them look at them mirroring your actions and keeping to a world that they know looks safe to you and what positive social interactions look like. This party might not be the place to do this but do look into this. In our squirrels drey we have quite a few kids who start with parents in tow as they need a parent to keep them out of mischief and engaged. They very soon find that the scouts is full of that type of children and that group mentality which means they can get up to high jinxes also works really well as a team and non parents can handle them as well as each individual child's parent all individually giving instructions.

When I was that age all birthdays were at parents houses. We never had problems as I can remember. (If we forget the green jelly incident