The support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Summer 2026

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.
There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.
Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.
The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.
So climb aboard and join the shipmates (as well as our dog mascot Sid!) and see how good alcohol free life can be.

I started drinking at 14. I was bullied by three members of my family. If I smelt of drink two of them left me alone.
I had fashionable friends at school and got in with a cool crowd. My two best friends were low achievers. Luckily I went to six form college and loved it. I didn't really drink much until my boyfriend married someone else. I hid it well. Two of my siblings had left home and I had been away to university. It was easier then to deal with my mother. My lovely late baby brother was a great peacemaker.
I had huge luck when I met my husband when I was just shy of 22. We married within the year and I didn't drink for years. Not to be bullied in my own home was great, it allowed me some freedoms I had never had. I didn't have much of a stop button at parties but I could go months without drinking. I was too worried about my figure My mother was extremely beautiful and when I did see her she put me down. I use to go home and drink. When she died 22 years ago I let rip. A friend was a daily drinker and invited me to join her. They were advertising people and it went with the job. Sadly it became a dependancy. I drank daily for 18 years.
I hurt a lot of people and I looked like hell. Very fat and very angry.
I found this thread and it's supported me over four years. I waffle on but I trust people on the thread and have met a few in real life. I'm grateful for the friendship and support.

Sending love Wendy ❤️

Morning all.

Morning. I went to bed sober last night for the first time in ages. It’s embarrassing to see that written down.
Still, onwards and upwards! Off to see Take That tonight 🎪😁

Good morning Wendy and Shipmates,

Absolutely no shame @WhatMaggieDidNext - none whatsoever. Top stuff to you. Enjoy TT!

A restless night for Sid; keeping me awake with his fidgets and mutterings-to-himself. But drink free and another sober morning. Another victory which I take pride and pleasure in.

@VanGoSunflowers - I used to like a social drink but could always stop. Then the horrible childhood I had caught up with me and my wounded psyche. A little drink helped me to sleep at night and shut out the trauma, memories and unwanted thoughts. Further 'unfortunate' traumas led to more "self-medicating/anaesthetic" to block it out at night, gradually increasing in strength as I got desensitised to it. Then my wonderful dog died of a cruel and aggressive cancer and that tipped the scale into seriously problematic drinking. Was on the copious Scotch by then.

Tried to claw it back, was winning, then my DDad died suddenly and unexpectedly in tragic circumstances. That and my M's actions, words and behaviours (and goldenballs DB's parroting of same) sent me right back over the edge again (DDad was voice of reason and kindness, though also an enabler). Internally, I have been a terrified and lonely 7 year old, cowering in a corner, for most of my adult life. Was getting to a stage where it was killing me. I had a little dog, who was so patient and loving, by who was enduring an increasingly miserable life with me. I got my act together for her. Went to SMART recovery and worked really hard to pull myself free. I had been fortunate in that I had kept my job and home despite it all, that also kept me going. The little dog was my spur and my motivation. She died of aggressive pancreatic cancer one month after I had been discharged from the addiction support service. Bit of a relapse, bit more trauma, but stayed mostly true. And then into my life bumbled Sid (not his real name. He was christened by @WendyWagon as our mascot/cabin boy/powder money as "Sober Sisters' Sid" when he made his first appearance a couple of years ago). So now I stay true for Sid. He keeps me going. Him, and this thread, which I joined in 2023. I'd be in a right old state if it wasn't for here.

So here I now am, doing my best for Sid. And with a new arsenal of coping strategies to deploy against unwanted thoughts and inner demons. I am grateful for what I have learned and am a better person for it in every way. It is a struggle. I don't always win the struggle, it's true, but I am doing my best, and my best is good enough for me and for Sid. The struggle is worth it. The sober life is the very best of lives to live. I'd never get to climb to great heights and sights like this if I was still on the p~ss...

Strength and courage. You can do it. It's going to be alright. xx

Good evening!
I'm having a battle with Arthur dog trying to get the seeds and general detritus out of his fur. He insists on doing it himself but he just will not do it properly. He leaves a trail of seeds wherever he lay.

Enjoy Take That @WhatMaggieDidNext!

I have been gardening again shipmates.
These new meds are amazing. I've just touched my toes which is huge compared to not being able to get out of bed!
I have got sore gums though. No rashes.

I feel your pain @Lavrander - poor Arthur! Sid has smooth, velvety fur; very wipe-cleanable and easy to maintain (though I am in constant fear for his ears). But his predecessor was a tousle-furred, wiry little JRT. Well do I remember when she came back from her walk literally covered in stickies, burrs and seeds from top to tail. She looked like a canine Jolly Green Giant. Took two of us in the garden trying to gently comb them out - in the end we had to cut her fur. Awful.

Sorry about the gums @WendyWagon - have you got any Bonjela? Used to love that stuff.

I've booked a gardener to come in on Friday to give me a quote for sorting it out. I'm in deep mortification about the state of it and cannot face it myself. I will try and get a picture to share tomorrow. She's a wonderful person who charges extremely reasonable rates; I got her in to do M's garden a couple of times a month and now she also does most of M's older neighbours, so impressed are they. I pray she does not flee the scene on sight, openly weeping.

Sid's tail is wagging at England's footie win. I've told him to enjoy the wags (not THOSE ones; they're not Sid's type 🌈); for I fear we'll not get much further.

Strength and courage. xx

Morning shipmates.
It's trying to rain here, hoorah.
I'm off out for morning coffee at a friend's.

I'm being very good at sitting on my hands re the cottage. It was on the market three years ago and didn't sell. I spotted lining paper downstairs so that's a replaster job. Weirdly enough I took a course on lime plastering so I'm ok to do that. Messy job though. I just need to pay the right price. The agent got it wrong and told me they were removing all the garden plants! No plants, no deal.

Hopefully my new car is ready next week. It's been a long wait.

Morning all.
Did you have the second viewing @WendyWagon ? What did BF think? Having shared the ups and downs of your housing experience for a few years now (!!), I hope you don’t mind if I say it rings alarm bells- you sound like you love the plants more than the house, and the parking arrangements and lack of downstairs loo sound like they could be issues if your mobility takes a dip. Don’t mean to be a downer, sorry!

So pleased the meds are working for you - it makes such a difference.

I’m trying to get back into the swing of work- have had to take a few days sick leave after my holiday which may or may not be treatment side effects. Into the office today so need to get cracking!

Very wise @Onewildandpreciouslife
I'm desperate for a period house again. Not much around. There is parking but it's undemised. I've lived like that before.
The old privy is there so we'll need to get a plumber in.
It's a bit complicated re our current home as the buyer is family and wants tenants in by September. New school year and all that.
My mobility is the best it's been in over two years but I know the drugs could stop working. I have in the past got ten years out of each wonder drug.
The cottage being smaller means less stairs and practical hard floors. Better for me as we're messy.

Hi all, I would love to join this thread. I've wanted to give up alcohol for a few years now.

I drank a lot at uni, then not too much in my twenties. Then I started drinking more again when I was in a toxic marriage and had children. I've realised that alcohol dependence runs in my family.

My kids are at my ex's most weekends and every Saturday night I drink a bottle of wine. I feel rubbish the next day and sometimes even the day after that.

I've been really making an effort with exercise and healthy eating but it all goes to pot the day after I drink, as I end up eating junk food for my hangover and can't do exercise as I'm feeling like crap!

I actually had wine yesterday (unusually in the week, as I've been trying to stick to weekends only) as I was feeling so stressed about work and also I'm in the middle of moving house. Not that that's an excuse. But I've been feeling so annoyed with myself today - it's a beautiful day and I can't enjoy it with a hangover. I was booked to go to a gym class after work but I've cancelled it as I know I won't be up for it.

I want to get into healthier habits and get out of my weekend routine of just automatically drinking, and also drinking for stress relief.

I want to feel fit, healthy and lose weight!

Welcome aboard @Firedaisy!
Yes it's very hard to be useful to yourself or anyone else when you're feeling groggy, tired and anxious. Alcohol actually does the opposite of what you are trying to get it to do - have a read of 'Alcohol Explained' if you're interested in the science - but essentially it makes your body more stressed not less.
Try and think of some things that you can do that will help in those moments where your habitual brain wants you to reach for a bottle. You might find stocking up on some AF alternatives is helpful as you get the same feeling of pop, pour, sit without the poison. Lots of people on this thread (me included) have found that swapping for AF is so helpful in the beginning as you are trying to fight a very ingrained habit.

I'm a big fan of Thomson &Scott Noughty Brut as a fizz alternative but I believe co op do some decent ones as well. I appreciate you're doing healthy eating so you may feel that a sugary drink isn't right for you but it's a short time and you'll be building good habits over time.

My last recommendation is to just keep me posting here. I try to post daily and in the beginning I definitely did - even if I had nothing of note to say - the action of just writing on an AF thread will help you when you start to feel fit and healthy and therefore forget what you first posted here for. It's nice to chat and the shipmates (plus doggy cabin boys) are the best there is.

@Lavrander Thank you very much!

"Yes it's very hard to be useful to yourself or anyone else when you're feeling groggy, tired and anxious. Alcohol actually does the opposite of what you are trying to get it to do - have a read of 'Alcohol Explained' if you're interested in the science - but essentially it makes your body more stressed not less." That's exactly it. When I feel stressed and anxious it's like I start longing for that feeling of the first sip/ glass of wine. When I'm drinking the wine, I feel relaxed but to be honest I'm usually only drinking for 2 - 3 hours, so I get maximum three hours of relaxation, followed by at least a whole day of feeling mentally and physically awful! So I need to just find a different way to deal with my stress rather than the "quick fix" of wine. Thanks for the book recommendation - I will have a look at that.

That's a good idea to look for alternative drinks too.

I feel better already just having posted on here. It's the first time that I've written that I actually do want to give up, and it feels like it's a real start.

Welcome @Firedaisy. What I found quite helpful was the realisation that the relaxation actually started before I had the first sip of wine. Just the act of pouring the first glass and the prospect of escaping the feelings made my shoulders drop and the tension relax - so there was something else going on rather than just the effect of the alcohol. Ritual, a sense of self care (it’s not real self care - that’s just something we’ve been sold), a feeling of “reward” (ditto) …. They’re all really powerful, and can be created without all the downsides that alcohol brings

Welcome @Firedaisy

It’s one year for me. I came back from a trip abroad and DH had decided he wanted to stop drinking. I was ready too. I counted today and I’ve had 7 occasions when I did have a drink (with my parents, at a festival, visiting a DC etc). I’m ok with that, but I do want to stop altogether. I’m currently watching the football with a juniper AF beer. Life is better. Thank you all for posting.

How did I just find out that Sid is not really Sid?!

Love to all.

Morning all.
Another early one!

Off out for shopping and to buy the DS some birthday gifts.

Quick hello from me. Bin a hectic week with dd being back from uni. The tower of washing and organising her stuff and work has been super busy. Day 60 for me today - am feeling super proud of myself. My skin has improved massively, even DH said I look younger!

Went for a post hike pub drink yesterday and my friend had a cider. I could smell it a bit when she was talking on way back to the car and I really didn’t like it. I know it’s early days for me but I don’t want that on my breath ever again !

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend

Good morning Shipmates, quick in and out from me too, alas. I'd composed a post in my head but haven't got time to write it at the moment! Work madness but all shall be well.

Hearty welcome to @Firedaisy - so glad you have found us.

@postcard Sid sends you wags. He is Sid here, has always been and ever will be Sid. He's just not Sid. He's Sid on the side. And he will ALWAYS have your back. ❤️

Strength and courage brave friends. xx

@Onewildandpreciouslife Yes that's a very good point, you're right that the feeling of relaxation comes before the first sip. It must be a very powerful psychological connection. I definitely need to look into more ways I can have REAL self care. 🙏

@postcard thank you, and well done on the year landmark - you've done so well.

@REP22 thank you for the welcome!

Afternoon all.
Another warm Friday so do prepare now for your wind down. I've got some AF martini rosso chilling along with some tonic.

The battle of the seeds continues with Arthur. I don't think we can get the clippers out @REP22. He'll barely let me near him with a brush! If he wouldn't go crashing around amongst nettles and sticky weed we would be okay.

Loved reading your update @TickleMeElmo1. It's so nice when you start to really feel and see the difference 😊

Well done @postcard !!!

Achievement unlocked!

Sid and I really loved your update too @TickleMeElmo1 - it's so encouraging.

I will caveat this by saying that sadly the ability to have babies was something denied to me. But I have extensive experience in the field. The thought I had earlier is that sobriety is a bit like a baby (no, seriously, indulge me).

There are certain moments of joy along the initial path towards "I Have a Problem". But for your sobriety, you have to labour long; strive hard and really push to deliver it up to yourself. It is difficult and it can be f~cking painful. It hurts. And then you achieve it. You have it - right there! And it feels euphoric; what an achievement. What a gift to yourself. What a new life that is beginning. Your new fledgling sobriety in your hands.

And then it starts. The sleepless nights. The little whining voice. The lack of sleep. The numbing exhaustion. The seemingly endless teething problems, the visceral reactions to our bodies changing. The "why did I start this? I can't cope!". The frustration. The pitying expressions and condescension from friends who Don't Really Get It. But you nurture it carefully, cherish it despite resentment and the tears...

And then, one day, possibly when you are just about ready to drop-kick your "baby" out of a window - it looks up at you and smiles, says its own version of "luv woo", and you suddenly get how much it matters. You feel the rush. Noticing your skin looks so much better; the frustration has stopped; the early mornings are fresh and clear; that little niggling ache in your side isn't there any more; the sound of the early-morning birdsong is not like a buzz-saw in your brain. You've made it. You've raised your sobriety out of its infancy and into strength and maturity and can take pride in how it develops and the amazing job that you have done.

Bit of a mad analogy. But it made sense to me. Sobriety is a precious gift, and is worth the nurturing and the difficult early days.

Strength and courage. Sid wishes you joy of your weekend. xx

@REP22 what a well worded post!

Good morning all! Day 16 for me, my friend came over on Thursday as usual and I didn’t drink or smoke. I was proud. I’m trying to look ahead to my triggers. I have a work deadline for Wednesday and my head was spinning a little yesterday thinking about everything I need to do and the tiny voice popped up suggesting wine. I ignored it and had a can of trip instead. But I think the beginning of next week will be a tough one. Especially once I hit said deadline and try to convince myself that I have ‘earned’ it. I’m trying to reframe it though, what I have earned is how I feel right now - 2 weeks of better sleep, slightly higher energy levels, better mood. I haven’t ‘earned’ abusing my body with poison.
The other thing I am concerned about is that I can be a bit prone to fads. Like sobriety is a new, shiny thing for me to experience so at the moment it doesn’t feel too arduous to stick to. I’m worried I’ll get so far in and decide I’m bored of it and go back to drinking again. Just trying to be very honest with myself about what the various traps could be!