Is this casual sexism or just outdated language from my husband?

[IsawwhatIsaw]

Apologies as I suspect this topic has been done to death on here..but I’m getting sick and tired of having to listen to some of the remarks my DH makes.
Some examples - we walk past a nice garden
his comment” He has made a good job of that”

issue with membership where I was told the woman had been having personal issues
“ her boss should have sorted that, why didn’t he? - with no indication of gender of boss.
He makes constant assumptions that men are in charge and
it’s getting me down . He is older than me, late 60s, retired.
And when I say something he just says he uses the term he/ man generically - as if it’s the 70s still.
not sure if I’m just getting less tolerant or he’s got worse.
this is casual sexism?

Sounds like your English teacher was rather ignorant, the use of “they” as a singular of unknown sex is standard English and has been in use since the 14th century. We have no qualms about “you” being used as a singular and plural - “they” is the same except we also have he and she for an individual of known sex.

The use of “he” as a generic is pure sexism, there’s no excuse for it nowadays.

I remembered this thread this morning I was watering the garden and talking to myself in my head said 'I'll move him out the way' meaning a plant pot.

I’ve found that if you try that brain teaser with kids now, they answer straightaway that the surgeon is the mum, it’s plainly obvious to them. That wasn’t the case when I first encountered the brain teaser in the 70s.

Im not sure I believe that.

So true.

My partner uses he as the default and it REALLY annoys me. He supports women’s rights, doesn’t think men should be in women’s spaces etc., but always uses he instead of they when sex is unknown.

I use he as the default. It’s just a generic thing. Though I think nurses are she! My car doesn’t have a sex, it’s an it, or my car. The lady moving the she plant I don’t get, that would be it for me.

In Ireland police are called Garda, if it is female we might say, the ban Garda gave me a speeding ticket to differentiate that she is female compared to a standard male Garda. Because in Irish language use “ban” means woman.

I've never heard anyone refer to cows as male, because we all know what a bull is! I’ve often heard people say ‘de Missus’. Such as Johnnie how are you and how’s de Missus…

This!

It's so wearing when people default to "he" for everything unknown/inanimate. Sometimes, sure. But mix it up with she or they sometimes! The garden example is particularly odd, really nice ones will usually have more than one person working on it: I'd have thought that "they" was by far the more natural option there. Or phrased as "someone's been doing a good job" etc.

Commiserations, OP. Maybe he'll get it if you keep highlighting it.

In France a group of women is Elles, if just one man joins them it becomes Ils.

I get more annoyed with people saying I saw a lady doctor, nobody ever says man doctor.

Try it and see. I’m a primary teacher so I have the opportunity. The last time I tried it, they not only got it right immediately but they also thought that the answer was obvious and that it was a dumb question to ask! You only have to look at children’s books to see why this is the case. Doctors are frequently portrayed as female, in contrast to when I was a child, when they were always shown as male.

No it’s not! Most people would say “her boss should have done something about that, why didn’t they”

Im not talking about kids of course, it would be obvious to anyone, then and now the surgeon is the mum.

I say I dont want to see a male doctor when booking.

It wasn’t at all obvious to me when I was a child in the seventies and I remember going on to catch adults and friends out with it. It is a little bit of positive news that it doesn’t seem to work anymore.

Just always use this mental calculator:

Does he think men can become women?

If yes, he's probably sexist.

Does he generically say he when referring to unknown people or objects?

If yes, and this bothers you, then you're probably an idiot.

There's (casual?) sexism in becoming a Mrs HisName. Still the majority of women in the UK do it though!

One of my bug bears for decades, I'm not married though, so none of my friends who did get married paid any attention to me. 😔
That might be because I 'framed' it as entrenched domestic servitude, and complained that they were endorsing they own status as property because they were participating in the enslavement of women through marriage. 🤪

Casual sexism and microaggression. Not ok.

@TheywontletmehavethenameIwant I'm married and absolutely was not going to become a Ms HisName! I was 41 so most of my friends were already married (or married and divorced) at this point; all still had assumed the default of Mrs HisName. However, two friends of mine have both married more recently (one late 30s, one mid-40s), and both are Ms TheirName ❤️

That’s ridiculous. Gender ideology is not the only thing that matters and this debate has nothing at all to do with gender ideology.

sexism is when someone thinks women are less valuable than men in some way, and using male as a default is one behaviour that betrays a deeper sexism.

Thanks again for all the responses. I wondered if I’d get any…
As I said- DH is an older man who retired early, which I think has added to the issue.
But I’m not sure now whether he’s being deliberately inflammatory - he would deny it . We have 2 DS who wouldn’t speak like this and have raised eyebrows at some of his remarks. He would absolutely reject being sexist but he uses language which I feel is sexist.
I am still working - very part time -ironically in an area where speaking like he does would be challenged.

There are a lot of younger retired men who grew up in a world of equality laws being passed one after the other and a lot of young men who wouldn't give Andrew Tate or his views the time of day.

Millions of women have not and do not 'know their place'.

If we're going down a route where poll results, statistics, laws and the people who pass them mean nothing then we're just in a world of generalisations and personal opinion.

Are you more likely to say 'she' in that situation or would you also say 'he'? Some people don't like saying 'they'. Whether it's sexism depends on whether general behaviour is sexist, not necessarily whether your husband refers to unknown others as his own sex by default.

It is his learned and therefore habitual response. but he's not that old......late 60's

That is why, regardless of age, one needs to keep up with current affairs and make some attempt to engage with current youth cultures. Lots of people also stop listening to new music once they get past a certain age. They just listen to what they liked in their prime.

Do you have some sex based divisions of work in your household? Most households do. Is it he that mows your lawn, for example?

Was he in a heavily male industry or occupation before he retired?