Should a 6 year old be taught that it’s normal to be trans, in a PSHE lesson?

[cloverdance]

Hi everyone,

I’d appreciate views and any knowledge on this. My husband came downstairs this morning really perturbed and upset that our 6 year old daughter had said that she’d been taught a book in PSHE- something about ‘My Brother’s Now My Sister’ and told him that a TA leading the lesson had said that it is normal to be trans. She told him she now wants to be a boy.
I don’t actually think she is gender confused at all, more that this suggestion has been made and the idea has been put into her head.
I’ve done a bit of research and there is a 2024 government doc that suggests that this level of detail should be saved for secondary school. I’m not sure if this is still the case.
DH is adamant he wants to go down to school and challenge the teaching of this. The school are a Rainbow Flag school and are very much inclusive. To be clear, we like this about the school and we are not homophobic- happy for children to be taught that love looks different for different families etc. However, we are both not happy that this level of detail has been used, including the word ‘trans’ at age 6 and in year 1 and that transitioning is a normal thing to do.

DH is a secondary school teacher so has to be careful in airing this view. My view is that biological men shouldn’t be in female only spaces.

Does anyone have any advice what we should/can say to school. We don’t want her being taught this at such a young age.

I would not be happy about this.

And if you don't get a sensible response from the governors, go to the education authority or MAT, asking for their policy on protecting small children from disputed trans ideology, in writing.

Then go to your solicitor.

I am so glad my ds has finished school, and knows this claptrap for what it is.

I would approach this with the H/T as a Parent Governor. You are concerned that the school which you are jointly responsible for is not following the DfE policy. You know this because your daughter told you about the books that the TA had been reading with the class recently. If you don't get the response you are looking for, approach the Chair of Govs and, if necessary, the MAT/LA/OFSTED.

@Thatcannotberight brilliant! Thank you! I have bought a copy.

OMG!

I thought love is love was about sexuality, not gender. I could be wrong!

@Meadowfinch what could a solicitor do? I think school will say they’ve done nothing wrong.

my husband wants us to go down to school together tomorrow and ask for an urgent meeting. I thought I might write a letter tonight as well so I’ve got it all down. I might pop it here for people’s thoughts if anyone minds giving it a read?

I think your husband’s suggestion is totally fair, school need to know that they have gone badly astray here.

I second a face to face tomorrow. I much prefer to see the whites of their eyes rather than a waffling email. Friendly ambush is often better. I'd even wait in Reception if HT is 'in a meeting '.
You can always send an email after the meeting, summarising what was discussed, if you want a paper trail.

Hi,

I'm the mum of a trans boy. If someone isn't serious about transition, then life and school is hell.

There's a huge difference between actually wanting to change gender, cosplaying being a boy and simply wanting the freedoms cis boys have.

Actual transitioning - though essentially a new name and haircut for the vast majority - is a serious step involving a lot of school planning, and preparation for the violence involved. No one does it if they aren't serious.

I'd talk to her about this difference, make sure she knows how incredible girls are, and then just let it go. Never too early to drill them on feminism, how awesome women are and the rest.

Declaring a gender change at school and among a friendship group is a major deal, because both cis boys and girls punish it. It's more dangerous to be trans than gay at school.

No book can teach being trans, just acceptance. Talk to her!

It's vastly unlikely she is trans, but tread carefully just in case she is. Condemning trans people may stop her talking to you on this subject forever.

Hope you have fun discussing how amazing girls are. Maybe add that trans people are too and that's okay. She will think you're amazing too, and learn a lot.

I think that is absolutely outrageous OP and I would be straight down the school.
They’re 6, for heavens sake. No need whatsoever to be confusing them like this. I cannot stand the trans lobby - they are just loud entitled sexist men.

That said, there is a National Curriculum so someone will be able to tell you whether this is expected at this age or not.

Our secondary school recently shared DfE guidance on trans teaching which is not to suggest that changing sex is a straightforward or easy option.

I think it’s similar to self harm - teach it and because they know about it as an option they are more likely to experiment with it as children. My daughter thank goodness said she wasn’t going to self harm again because it didn’t help. Had she not received teaching about it aged 10 I’m quite certain it wouldn’t have entered her head.

Wouldn’t it be great if schools spent the timetable time teaching foreign language to a higher level or history rather than this stuff?

Thank you for this view @TransParentlyAnnoyed we’ve always talked openly to her about accepting differences and we are always talking to her about how brilliant girls are and how they can do anything. We would never condemn or reject her for any choice she makes. Im also aware that actual transitioning and true gender dysphoria is rare - I just don’t think that it should be taught in this way at 6. I suppose I find it frightening that the suggestion be put into her head before she has the capabilities to really understand it and the weight of it.

Ya, I don't blame you. It does feel unnecessary to teach it so young. I'm not particularly anti trans, each to their own but It seems a bit unnecessary for that age. Only around 1 percent of the population is trans too. Hi lighting other minorities instead could be more beneficial for that age, like children with asthma etc.

Happy to help, and I'm sure you'll have a great time together. No girl is too young to learn to embrace feminism or the different ways girls can express themselves. I think confidence and pride in being female are very important.

I don't agree that being trans is contagious or can be taught, however. Exploration of who you are, and being intrigued about gender, are common - but that's not what being trans is.

i welcome the book and others because children need to be taught not to discriminate against trans people, and that has to start at a young age. Lots of trans people are also parents, and such discrimination affects their children.

When my son first came out, I talked to him were extensively about feminism, gender, the different ways of being a woman and the origin of his knowing he was trans. Basically he knew at a very young age but felt more confident coming out later. He didn't learn it from anyone, and was the sole trans boy in a big school.

I understand your fears, but no one is converted to being L, G, B or T by a book - just encouraged to be tolerant, accepting and respectful of difference.

I really hope learning about taking pride in being female strengthens your relationship and that you eventually see this book as a starting-point of a fantastic journey together. I loved doing that with my son and we're still having conversations about feminism today.

*Exploration of who you are, and being intrigued about gender, are common - but that's not what being trans is.”

What do you think being trans is @TransParentlyAnnoyed?

Presumably your child and you believe in gender identities? But hopefully you are also both accepting that this is a contested belief system and that no one else is obliged to share that belief?

Parents should have oversight for what their kids are being taught in relation to pshe.
When I was chair of governors I insisted that all the governors had sight of the PHSE materials before they got anywhere near the children or parents. We were sanctioning the purchase of the materials and very aware of our responsibilities to the children and to parents. None of this sort of stuff would have got past us.

*TransParentlyAnnoyed ... I *am all for tolerance and kindness ... I have a trans GC .... but schools have a responsibility to teach biological truth alongside kindness and to resist lobbying from interest groups. And they have guidelines to follow which in this instance are being breached.

So I think the head is going to contest the updated DfE statutory guidance as it doesn’t technically come into force until September 2026 - even though schools have strongly been encouraged to adopt it before this time…

I agree with everything you’ve said. But particularly in regards to the importance of teaching kindness, tolerance and respect.

absolutely not. It’s okay to teach acceptance but it’s not okay to force this on a child
of a very young age

I would be withdrawing my child from that school and finding another post haste.

Being trans isn't a 'belief system'. There isn't anything to believe in other than accepting yourself. There's no exam. All it involves is removing your mask, and revealing your true self.

It can take a while. Lots of people know they are trans long before coming out, and it can take a while to listen to that voice.

I'd suggest you read Nicky Bandini's coming-out article, which describes the inner pressure to come out much more eloquently than I ever could.

Oh, and p.s.

Misgendering and disrespecting isn't feminism, it's a refusal to be polite to someone who's different.

it's as rude and pathetic as refusing to acknowledge someone's gay spouse because you don't respect equal marriage - or demeaning a remarried woman because you don't consider her second marriage legitimate.

Of course it's a belief system. It's the belief that there's something indefinable about them that overrides the physical reality of their sex, so they have to identify as something else. If trans people really accepted themselves, they would accept their birth sex, while not accepting the arbitrary social expectations associated with it.