Anyone up? Feeling like a failure

[Northernlights19]

Hi all, I've come to temporary accommodation today because I just can't afford the increase in rent. It's a travelodge for now but at least we have a roof over our heads.
I just feel like I've failed my children. My daughters dad told me I should kill myself. I should be able to provide a stable home. Everything is just so expensive, especially when you're by yourself.

I don't even know what my aibu is or whatever. I'd just like some support if anyone is around.

I'm sorry - that sounds so tough, and you've done well to find safe accommodation when it sounds like you've had a lot of obstacles to overcome.

Someone on another post (here, or somewhere else - I cannot remember!) I saw today said something along the lines of 'being poor doesn't necessarily mean you have a tough childhood, so long as you know that you are truly loved.'

And it honestly is true. I know love doesn't put food on the table, but don't underestimate the importance of your love for your kids in their long term happiness.

And ignore your daughter's dad - anyone who says things like that has got nothing to be proud of. Don't waste your emotions or energy on him - it's not your job to teach him not to be a twat.

No advice OP but sending support.

I'm sorry you are in a tough spot x

You’re not a failure, you’re just going through a difficult time right now. Most people do at some point in their lives. Your daughter’s dad is horrible. Anyone who could say something like that to the mother of their child is not someone worth paying any attention to.

You're not a failure at all. Many people are struggling with the cost of living. You're doing the best you can with your resources and have managed to provide a roof for your children. Be proud of yourself & your resourcefulness. As for the ex? Fuck him for taking the opportunity to kick you. He's an ex for a good reason and doesn't have anything valuable to say. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Hugs to you and I hope you can get some sleep.

So sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation. The kids’ dad could step up and help you get more secure accommodation but it sounds like you’ve done the best you can in the circumstances. Good luck, I hope things get better for you soon x

Hey, just thinking of you. I am sorry you’re going through this. Also, screw the dad. Those words should not be said even in passing. The kids are his responsibility as well, so jokes on him. Better days will come, something, somehow will happen for your to pass through these tough times. You’ve got this mama.

Thank you, all of you. I'm trying to look at the positives. Initially they said they could only house me miles away and it frightened me because I work down the road from the kids school, can drive but couldn't afford to get my car fixed. But luckily we can get a bus from here.

No idea what we'll do for meals, we're not allowed a fridge of any kind.

You've been failed by a society that isn't supporting those that need a helping hand to get back on their feet. Everyone needs help from time to time, that doesn't make you a failure, just a human.

And as for comments about your worth, that speaks to them, not you. If you didn't care, that's a bad mum - but you do care, but your hands are tied with this huge cost increase that's happening. Your kids will know your love, and I hope you get a bit of luck to put things into a better situation for you all.

You’re not failing your children - the fact that you worry you are proves you love and care for them and are doing your best! You’ve hit a rough patch, and I’m really sorry you’re going through it right now, I hope things start looking up very soon and you get all the support you need.

the ex is massively failing his child though! What a disgusting thing to say to anyone let along the mother of his child, and (without knowing if there are circumstances as to why) where is he in supporting his child?! Why isn’t he trying his best to help even if not for your sake but for his child, instead of sticking the boot in.

you are the one still looking out for your child and caring for them, and they will realise that, even if it’s not until they are older that they can appreciate it. Sending lots of love to you, I hope you get some sleep too x

@PastaBelly thank you for your kind words. I'm very lucky because the kids think all this is really fun!

You are not a failure at all. You are doing your very best for your children - including making it so they think this is fun. Well done and I hope everything gets better for you soon.

on the other hand the word failure is too small a word for your ex.

Try to ignore your daughter's father. There's no excuse for his comment, and as others have said, if he was a decent dad, he'd be helping you for her sake, not tearing you down. Just do your best and be there for your kids. That's the important thing.

Bless you, OP. Are you lying awake torturing yourself? Try and get some sleep. Things can only get better and they will x

Your kids think it's fun because you're a great Mum and they are happy with you and in themselves. They feel safe and secure and happy. Thanks to you.

Yes I must try and sleep as I'm at work tomorrow and the children are at school. My mind is just running.

Thank you so much. I have told them it's like a little holiday

bless them, it must feel like a bit of an adventure for them, and that will be because of how safe and loved you are still clearly managing to make them feel, even though you are having a stressful time - how amazing are you?! 🥰

Couldn’t scroll pass and Just want to send hugs. Please try to rest, I know your mind is racing but you have done your best, you and the kids are safe.
please talk to the kids school tomorrow; the safeguarding leading or family support worker may have some ideas of further help or support networks for you. Just letting the school know in case you need anything is good.
ignore the Ex- no worth the brain space.
xx

Your ex is a terrible person saying that.
You are not a failure. You have sheltered your family and they are safe.
In time you will move into a more permanent home.

Keep your chin up OP. I unfortunately do know people who are actual failures, and you are not one of that type.

I mean she is his kid too so if he can't provide her a stable home and make sure the mother of his child has a stable environment then what does that say about him, by his own reasoning? He's a far bigger loser. No decent man would abandon you in thus situation. Let alone berate you. But he also bullies women apparently.

Honestly I'd never speak to him again. Get a parenting app and do all the communications with him via that.

You've put a roof over your kids head. That's not failing. Even in tough times you are keeping them sheltered and loved.

It's a lesson in turning hard times into adventures. They'll be fine!
Be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, OP. Please, don't listen to your DC father. Any man that treats the mother of his children badly is a piece of shit. Some of us would think it's his fault you're in this position. Men should be looking after their wives and children and not seeing them out on their own, struggling and then verbally abusing them. So, he can do one with his shitty comment. Copy and paste this post to him - other women think you're a failure and a piece of shit.

Anyway, I'm glad you have a place to stay, currently. Hopefully someone can come along and give you some practical advice.

I didn't want to read and run. Thinking of you x

Ignore the absolute prick of a man who calls himself your children’s father. You’re going your best. Times are the toughest they have been in our lifetimes. It’s outrageous that an ordinary working person can’t afford rent.

I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now.

Your daughter's dad is a dick.

Im so sorry this has happened to you. you are not a failure. One day at a time. Kids adapt, try staying as positive as you can and trying to keep to routines again as much as you can. Good luck.

don't be scared to ask family and friends to help. I'm sure they will want to rally round.

I also agree that any man who wouldn't ensure his children, and the mother of his children, are safe and comfortable in a stable home with all they need is an absolute piece of shit. @Northernlights19 He isn't worthy of the title, Dad. He is among the lowest of the low.

Be safe. One day at a time. Sending strength.