Family mocked in group chat- was i overreacting?

[AncientWasp]

At a wedding not long ago, my parents were there as were several of my friends. Few days later I was sitting near one of my friends and she was scrolling through a chat she has with 2 of our friends. I know it was wrong to look, but I was shocked to see 'Wasp's Mum' something about the dress she was wearing and 2 laughing emojis on the comment.
It moved too quickly to read the full comment properly but it was implied they were having a laugh at whatever my Mum was wearing.
I immediately said to my friend that I did not appreciate that, this was not ok. They don't know my Mum, this wasn't some friendly banter to her face, they were mocking her behind her back.
They don't have to like what she's wearing but I found that very catty. She apologised and said no harm was meant.
I decided to drop it and move on but I am put off this friend a little bit right now. Was I overreacting?

Well this is why uou shouldn’t write anything down if you really have to be nasty about people. If it had just been a flippant remark and hadn’t been in a text message which has taken thought and time to write OP would have been none the wiser. As it is she’s read it and it’s too late. Nasty ..who skits at the way older people and worse your friend’s mum dress ?

Exactly this.

How is "harm" done when the recipient of the "harm" has no idea the 'harm" is happening?

Speak for yourself. I frequently in my own thoughts think something looks awful but I'd never discuss it on a chat.

It is natural to justify bad behaviour to oneself as everyone does it. Shoplifters do it too. Doesn't make it the truth though, no matter how loud you call BS.

Character is what you do when no one is watching. I'm surprised at the attitude that if it was done behind your back, and you were not meant to see it, it's ok.

The OP asked - on a public forum, no less - if she was being unreasonable about her feelings. I answered with my opinion. Like she asked. And this is me "telling her how to feel" how, exactly..?

And your example is irrelevant to the OP's situation. If my daughter came home upset because her friends had taken the piss out of my clothes, even though she wasn't supposed to be in that conversation, I would warn her about how eavesdroppers run the risk of hearing something they don't want to hear. And I'd wonder why she was sharing the information with me, who knew nothing about any of this so wasn't harmed in any way by it.

I totally understand why you feel upset OP.
This would certainly influence my opinion of your 'friend'.
I would let her go.

Its the OP.

'get's stick'? Ugh, she's an idiot. Ditch her.

Do you know what a friend is?

I mean this with kindness. A friend is someone you can call at your lowest - when you are sat in your PJs having not showered for days or cleaned your house and have a puffy face, lost everything, or have just done something terrible and regret it etc etc - and who will be there for you without any judgement. It is not just a person to have a drink and a dance with at weddings.

Ditch these women and raise the bar a bit. You deserve to have proper friendships in your life.

Making fun of someone that is doing them a favour is horrid behaviour. You know they will also talk about you behind your back, right? Dump them and make friends with nicer people.

Just because you call someone a friend doesn't mean they are. If you never speak to them again you have lost nothing

I would not be cruel about anyone’s mum, let alone my friends. You are being gaslit. It is not ok, it is very, very unkind and not acceptable. YANBU at all OP, please don’t doubt yourself

the whole point and definition of banter is it's a humorous BACK AND FORTH/reciprocal exchange between two/more parties present, not one person bitching behind another's back without them knowing about it.

its bitchy and catty and i get your feelings,

@FunStork

Eww. Are you the frenemy?

I don't think she should have minimised her behaviour on your behalf. She doesn't get to dictate how you should feel. Actually it would have been more forgivable if she had looked shame-faced and apologised rather than insinuating you were lacking a sense of humour. Don't be gaslit. You get to decide whether to give her a second chance - and you would be perfectly justified in not doing so.

It is funny this should come up, because I have been on several threads today all of which have involved unkindness as a kind of sport - people who can't just have a less than complimentary thought and sit on it, but who have to share the unpleasantness with an audience.

Some have raised keyboard warrior behaviour, suggesting that typing something nasty is easier than saying it. But I really feel people are just holding a lot of pent up anger generally atm, which is oozing out as vitriol.

I'd be interested to know if this is a generational thing, and if the nasty comments are coming from people of the same age bracket.

ETA to this end, try the MOUSSAKA thread.

You were very polite, I would’ve let rip. Certainly never speak to her again. God, what a little bitch

I would never dream of mocking what a friend's mum was wearing. Ditch her.

Banter is generally face to face. This was bitching about someone behind their back. Can you not tell the difference?

Nah, that's just down right nasty. There's no need. Dont get me wrong, I'm not easily offended - but this would upset me. Get rid. Make sure you tell everyone why!

And even then, banter gets rolled out too often as an excuse or cover for ridicule.

I hate when people, usually on the defensive, try to play shit behaviour off as if you (or whoever) have no sense of humour or can't take a joke 😡😡She & whoever else were taking the piss out of your mam sound like right mean girls

I've slagged & been slagged, I'm sure everyone has but about someone's mam, who they don't know & about clothes.. just unnecessary, like teenage witches