How can I divide my estate fairly between daughters and grandchildren?

[Ilikesundays]

Would really appreciate your views! I’m in my 80s and have three dds and 7 gcs. All are over 20. Two dds are married: one has 3 DCs and one has 4. Youngest dd is unmarried and has no children. I want to make my will and be fair to all of them. I was thinking of leaving all my property (f/h house, no mortgage in London + fairly substantial savings) to the gcs + the unmarried dd and nothing to the two married DDs. But on reflection this seems very harsh and unfair to them . How would you manage it? They are all working, bar two gcs who are still studying p/g.

It isn't always that straightforward. I brought up one of my GC up for years, he is different to my children but also different to the other GChildren. A token amount for GC doesn't feel right for him but treating him the same as my children doesn't feel right either. It is something we struggle with. So no I don't agree that split evenly between your own children is always the fairest way.

The DD without children is 49 she is also the youngest. More GC doesn't seem very likely.

You could perhaps leave a smallish amount say 5000 to each grandchild but above that i would divide it equally between your own three daughters.

I have 4 dc with ages ranging from 18 to almost 35. They are all very different with the 2 eldest married with dc. They have good jobs and both have their own homes but dd1 lives in a 3 bed terrace (large mortgage) and dd2 lives in a 6 bedroom mansion (no mortgage). Ds graduated last year and has a good job but lives in a hmo. Dd3 is hopefully going to university this year. I don't have a will yet and I know the fairest would be to divide equally but their needs are so different.

Leave equally to you daughters, with a token amount to each grandchild. Your childless daughter doesn't have a partner to help them later on, they could have children still, and if they remain childless they will probably leave the money to their nieces and nephews.
Whatever happens your daughters need to feel equally important to you in your will or it may affect their relationship with eachother.

The only fair way is to split it equally between your three daughters as they are your next of kin. If the ones with children want to give some to them, they are free to do so. The last thing you want to do is leave them the legacy of a row over money because the one who didn't have children feels unfairly treated. That sort of thing can be devastating for families.

There is no fair way of doing this.

The DC probably don't "need" the money as much as the GC as they are likely to already own somewhere to live, whereas the GC will still need to save up for a deposit, may be struggling with uni debts or wondering how they can afford children of their own.

Also you can never guarantee that the DC will pass on any money on when the time comes. Some are selfish and will spend it all on luxuries and holidays for themselves and are happy to watch their own children struggle, but then if you don't give them some, they may not think that you love them.

I'd be tempted to split the lot by the number of DC X2 and the GC at time of death (or plus a few months just incase one of the DC happens to be pregnant at the time of your death) and give all GC a share and the DC 2 shares of inheritance.

Split it equally between your daughters. Their kids will eventually inherit from them.

Whether they are working or not is irrelevant? In fact if they are on benefits and you give them an inheritance over a certain amount they may have their benefits stopped and they’ll have to live on your inheritance.

Just divide the estate equally between DC. It will prevent any bad feeling. If it’s a large estate you could give each GC an equal gift of a much smaller amount - relative to the estate.

My grandparents had a similar conundrum on both sides. As grandkids we expected nothing and actually that's pretty much what the grandparents did because there were childless children on both sides (and unfair numbers of grandkids) so for fairness each grandparent split the money between the kids and the kids then gifted money to their children if they wanted. If you imagine when your DD's die the grandkids will each inherit again so effectively the grandkids are receiving more than your childless daughter (who will also likely have her niece's / nephews down for inheritance!) so it just feels fair in case other kids come along and to save any arguments between your DD.

My grandparents did the following:

• split equally between their 2 DDs
• gave £50k each to their GC x 4

My aunt gifted her entire portion to her 3 children. My mum needed the money but gave me about £150k towards my house which was incredibly generous

their estate wasn’t huge. About £800k from memory. I think what they did was very fair and if wouldn’t have been fair to give all to the GC as my mum has lived off that money for the last 10 years. As she gave me more money than anticipated I’ve said I’ll look after her in her older age financially

DD’s only and if you want the GC to have anything immediately then maybe give them £10k each as a token

Dd3 is hopefully going to university this year. I don't have a will yet and I know the fairest would be to divide equally but their needs are so different

Out of dh and his 4 siblings, 10 years ago we were by far the better off financially of all of us. 3 of the others were comfortable and one was much less well off financially than the rest.

Today, because of circumstances beyond our control, we are very much on the bottom rung and have the very least capital or assets of any of us. Not due to overspending or living beyond our means, but life complications that could happen to anyone. All married, the others have had inheritances from their in-law families. Mine had nothing to leave. All have gone on to higher paying jobs, whilst it was impossible for us due to family difficulties (a disabled child).

The inheritance from pil shared equally between all 5 has been really much more useful for us than the others, to whom it's a comparatively modest amount
by their standards. But it was equal, so it was fair.

Equal, in these cases I believe, is fair. The future isn't set in stone. Things could be very different in 10/20 years time.

Aaaaand this is how you cause heartache and grief among your kids and grandkids by showing blatant favouritism.

We've just had this recently, and all it has done is shown that my grandmother preferred two of her grandchildren over the others and always has done from being kids, so 4 of us have come out with a token amount, the "favourites" are going to get upwards of £20k.

It takes a really vindictive person to do this IMO

Totally agree with this.

I've seen it happen and we are experiencing a similar situation. It's awful and just proves to everyone who the favourites were/are

There's a world of difference between thinking logically about where an inheritance would do the most good and being vintictive.

I'm not talking about disinheriting someone over some silly tiff 40 years ago. Or purposefully trying to hurt someone. I'm talking about looking at where everyone is, and how they are doing, and then using your money to help the ones who need it.

The key thing is to discuss it with everyone first, so nothing comes as a shock.

My eldest child doesn't need anything. Anything she inherited would be swallowed up by taxes.

My middle child had some false starts in life, a moderate inheritance could really be put to good use.

My youngest child lives close by and will likely be the one to care for me when I'm too old to care for myself, and a large inheritance would be a well deserved reward for putting her life on hold to care for an elderly relative.

I do this out of love and logic, not vindictiveness. My children aren't equal and my relationship with them isn't equal. Each child is different and has different needs in life.

You have essentially admitted to an element of favouritism there. I'm glad I'm not one of your kids 😬

Depending on size of your estate small amount to each grandchild and bulk of estate divided between your 3 children

I guarantee you that your three children will not think "logically" about this but will see it as evidence of who you really loved. (and also a "pay per favour" scheme - which in fairness it is).

Many years ago when I worked as a solicitor I made a will for a woman. My boss was friends with her son. her son came with her to introduce her and himself said "she shouldn't leave anything to me, I'm well set up". he had his own professional practice, three kids in private school, a lovely home, plenty of savings.

A few years later I was catching up with my old boss and asked about him. he had died of a massive heart attack after being declared bankrupt. he had got involved with an investment scheme that ruined him - no practice, no house, no savings - nothing. Life changes. Not leaving anything to a child because they have done well presumes you have the full inside scoop on their affairs - you probably don't - there are many things I wouldn't have burdened my parents with as I got older - and has the potential to punish them for doing well.

Divide equally between your own children. They were your choice and responsibility, not your grandchildren.

Coming from a mother with a childless sibling... I'd be mortified if my parents left more to my side of the family (i.e. me and my child) than to my sibling's side (i.e. single and childless).

This is a lovely suggestion 💕

With a London home plus savings. your estate will probably incur inheritance tax so try to reduce that by giving your daughters as much as you can spare asap!

This. The time for the grand children to inherit is when their parents die.

Although having said that I would want to leave a nominal amount to the grandchildren.

Their GCs parents can help if they need financial support for a property or any such thing.

This sounds very fair!