AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

Wonder if it’s too much to ask for a picture of said cat that’s the source of this thread? Cat tax and all that.

I would suggest the carers text they are calling the RSPCA or a cat shelter if the neighbour doesn't make proper arrangements for the cat ... the elderly couple are not in a position to do it! And unpaid at that!

Because when posting in AIBU you can expect people to answer the question based on the information they have - and "don't want to" and "can't" are not the same.

The OP's OP. The point remains

The original post made no mention of that. It just said that she'd told her neighbour she can't, and her son doesn't want to. "Told her I can't" could easily mean I made an excuse, I don't fancy it, I'm a bit busy and it would be a slight inconvenience. Son doesn't want to sounds like...son doesn't want to. Those are different to we're physically unable to because i'm travelling and he's going camping

In the OP, when he is first asked by the neighbour:

He said sorry but he couldn’t.

He doesn't want to, because he doesn't want to tie himself to being around, because he is going on a camping trip, because after a long period of effort he wants to be able to relax and hang out with friends and come and go as he wishes rather than be a free cat-sitting service for someone who can't be bothered or is too cheap to organise a cat-sitting service or when that "falls out"/is never organised, far too cheap to board her cat.

He went out of his way to help, tried to organise a friend to do it for a paltry amound of money, and proffered numbers of catteries. He's shown an enormous amount of goodwill to this quite hateful woman, who has thrust her cat on elderly people and/or their carers with zero consideration for the cat or their needs.

It doesn’t really matter whether op or her son ‘won’t’ or ‘can’t’ , they have both said no for whatever reasons. That should be the end of it. At that point, cf neighbour should have looked elsewhere, which she didn’t.

Lmao no.

The original post said she couldn't. That's unambiguous. You've never had any basis at all to think OP were available, much less to deliver that silly little lecture. If your point were actually about whether OP could in fact do it after all, that requires more information rather than wading in.

The point fails.

Fine if they are home every day and it’s just a case of popping next door but if they are across town and busy they then have to leave that, get back, feed the cat and go back to rejoin friends, every day for a fortnight for £30 total?!?

So now you know all that presumably you agree it is reasonable for the OP and her son to say “no”?

Wow your neighbour is a CF of the highest order!
when we go away, I have two friends who live close by, and there’s a 3 way WhatsApp chat between us to see to our guinea pig herd.

I honestly wouldn’t bother.
You’ll get called an idiot or a control freak or any other manner of insults for not agreeing with them.
Some people can’t handle a difference of opinion so probably just better to leave them to it.

Oh my god! I am shamlessly place marking for updates when the cat lady comes back from holiday.

What a thread:

1. interesting that to some people "can't" means "don't want to" as opposed to "not possible"

2. OP and son have clearly done nothing wrong and actually helped the cat lady much more than needed. Yet, they are held up as symbols for the breakdown in community relationships by many posters.

3. That neighbour is jaw droppingly cheeky and a terrible pet owner.

The carers should invoice her. Unbelievable behaviour.

"Wants to go camping with girlfriend? Well you have the whole summer to do that. Literally 12 weeks. The situation is there are 3 days within that 12 week period (the 3 days you are working) where you need to stay home. Why? Because the neighbour needs help"

@Spaghettimonsta

Wants to go camping with his girlfriend? HOW DARE HE? Mums neighbour needs her cat looking after while she goes on holiday! (she could go on holiday anytime I'm guessing?) but no, he should stay home. FOR HIS MUMS NEIGHBOURS CAT. Selfish prick. 🙄

I just cannot understand the posters who think OP and her son should become someone’s personal doormat.

For whatever reason (or even if it was no reason at all), they have said no and NDN (plus a few posters) here just have to accept that…

The mind boggles!

I love how often on here people state “no is a complete sentence” yet the OP is somehow in the wrong for not detailing “I can’t” in more detail as some didn’t grasp that it meant she can’t

You could write an Op stating that you’d cured cancer and some posters would find any excuse to have a go.

Absolutely agree.
Has worked hard for exams, has two jobs and the selfish brat wants to be able to decompress from his year.

How selfish for him to think he is allowed to say no.🙄.

OP is nicer that me, i would be going scorched earth on her behaviour, imposing on people like that.

Some posters are hypocrites. On other threads 'NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE'
But on this thread it's not allowed for the son to say NO.

I've not read through all the replies but I have read through all the OPs posts. It's pretty shocking she can't afford or didn't go through with paying the son's friend £15 a day, but she could afford to lose the money on her holiday that she kept saying she had to cancel.

I know OP is staying out of it, but if I was the carers, I'd ask their company for advice on calling the RSPCA to report abandonment because there is too much risk to the couple when their carers aren't there. I'd kill to have a cat but I can't as it's a trip hazard to my elderly mum and she and her health comes before my wishes. If the couple do trip, or fall over trying to fuss the cat it will be on the carers that allowed this situation to continue, especially if they have dementia or otherwise reduced capacity.

What???so why on earth did she make the post?And no mention of being away in original post.
Just hope the neighbour manages to go on holiday.

Just hope the neighbour manages to go on holiday

@PuppyMonkeyread the thread. Check what neighbour has done with the cat.

@ilovemykindle I have read the thread which is why I’m laughing at what @Endorewitch (who clearly hasn’t) said.

OP said in her original post that she "can't" and her son "can't" do it.
Can't means can't, not doesn't want to.

The neighbour you're so worried about did not ring other cat sitters or catteries.

There's a high probability that she never actually booked a cat sitter.

OP's lovely son (already working 2 jobs) went to talk to her, offered that his friend could do it for £15 / day. (That's less than a sitter or cattery would charge).
"Too expensive" she said, although "couldn't remember" how much the sitter who apparently let her down was going to charge.

Changed her mind the morning of her departure, but the friend was at work. Friend saw the message at lunchbreak, messaged the neighbour, but she didn't answer.

It transpires that CF neighbour asked the very old couple who live opposite to do it. They both have carers because they have very limited mobility, use walkers to get around, can't even really bend down without risk of falling over.
But they didn't feel they could say no.

So their carers will have to do it.
Shame they weren't there when the neighbour came over to ask, because they would have said no.
Oh, and she didn't offer them any money.

Neighbour wouldn't leave them her keys, so they're feeding her cat in their garden and it will be sleeping wherever it can.

That's hardly the action of a loving concerned owner.

And it's not the fault of the OP or her son.

The neighbour had a cat sitter organized,but the sitter became ill. So the neighbour had been responsible but unlucky. If she hadnt bothered to organize anything then sbe deserves no help.