To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

@WearyAuldWumman Because of your family history your GP should refer you for a DEXA scan.
You can also pay for them privately, if within your means.
Not sure how old you are but it's best to start having them within 2-4 years of your last period.
It's preventable and treatable if you find out soon enough.

Thank you. That was what I thought.

I actually asked for one some years ago, but my GP declined the scan! However, I was allowed to have post-menopausal HRT straight away, given the family history and the fact that I had two broken elbows in my 30s - basically, I'm viewed as high risk and I can't use biphosphonates because of contraindications.

I think that Fife NHS is possibly only giving the scans where there is any doubt about the need for preventative treatment. (However, the practice nurse recently told me that Fife is now more willing to issue HRT to older women. When I was perimenopausal, I had to see 3 GPs before I was allowed to have it.)

However, I paid for an Inbody scan and that stated that my bone density is at the high end of normal for a woman of my age (66). That's after around 3 years of training.

I'm hoping to see an improvement at a later scan: as well as the weight training that I've been doing, I've added a farmer's carry recently. At the moment, I'm only managing 2 X 18 kg weights: apparently, women are supposed to aim for 70% of their ideal body weight, so I need to aim for 44 kgs. Guess I'm getting there. (Tried 20 kg weights, but can't manage them yet.)

TBH, I’ll be shocked if I even make it to 80. Id consider 75 a good innings for me. My mum died at 53 and my dad at 77 so I don’t hold out much hope of being an octogenarian.

Ohh your poor mum ....it's hard to see parents getting old 😞
That's great that you've turned your health/mobility around. Please may I ask how old you are, when you started exercising and what form of exercise you've done to improve these things for yourself?

How old are you please if you don't mind me asking?
I wonder if it's ever too late to improve things? My poor mum is nearly 83 and had a horrendous fall earlier this month and nearly lost her eye :(
It's been a horrific few weeks. She looked like she'd gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and is so bruised and battered. She was in hospital for over a week and she's traumatized and lost all her confidence and is very down and struggling to walk now:( on top of having very poor vision in her affected eye and still a lot of numbness in one side of her face - half of her lip if still v droopy.
I wouldn't mind but prior to this she swam 4 or 5 days per week so she was exercising, but sge was still falling and her mobility was still poor and she needed a stick because she's got more wobbly over the last few years. Swimming was the only exercise she could actually do
I wonder if it's just genetic (we're all a bit arthritic unfortunately in our family).....or is it because she hasn't really done resistance training?...just aerobic based exercises. It's making me think I really need to get those weights hand and keep strong as I age.
I wonder if it would be worth getting my mum on a weights regime? Is it too late? Don't want to cause her any damage tho ....maybe we get some advice from NHS physio..?..or even get a few private sessions?

I'm 66 and retired, so have a lot of free time now.

I was widowed at 60 and just sat at home for around two years - I reached the stage that I couldn't get off the couch without using my arms.

I was referred for a shoulder decompression to deal with an impingement caused by moving and handling. Following the op, I was referred to a physio.

The policy now in Fife seems to be that the physios work on your overall health when you're over 60. I was asked about what I wanted to be able to do. I know that I mentioned playing my accordion - it's quite heavy - and gardening.

I was given shoulder, arm and leg exercises - I also have a problem with patella alta - kneecaps tended to lock as a result.

After a few sessions, I was referred to an Active for Health class at my local gym. I was given a programme of mainly band work for shoulders, chest, legs plus sit-to-stand with a 2 kg medicine ball. Then arm raises with 2kg weights was added and I was switched to a 5kg medicine ball for sit-to-stand. I was also told to use the low row machine and the SPARC machine for glutes and cardio. I also used the treadmill for fast walking warm-ups.

After the 12 wk programme, I was allowed to continue in the twice weekly Active for Life classes and gradually added more work on machines in the gym - lat pull, triceps pull, biceps pull... Gentle leg curls and leg extensions; then added adductor and abductor machine.

I started going to an easy Pilates class. That's made a huge difference to flexibility.

Then a gym instructor recommended the gym Senior Flex classes - a mix of cardio, stretching, balance work, free weight work. (I'm using 3.75kg weights for Overhead Presses, single rows, etc.) I now go to those twice a week and find them good fun.

I also get cardio and some body weight exercises through a Musical Theatre Fitness class and a Stretch class. (Today, our class of mainly - but not all - oldies was dancing/exercising to Tina Turner's Proud Mary amongst other numbers.)

There are all shapes and sizes and it's most enjoyable.

Most recently I've joined the gym Running Club, following the couch to 5k programme.

NB When I started the Active for Life classes, I took out a gym membership and that covers everything at the gym - use of equipment, all classes, the swimming pool, health suite. I've added classes and activities gradually - I'm getting my money's worth!

I've had glitches - pulled a ham string a couple of weeks ago when I tried out Hatha Yoga - but it's been an overwhelmingly positive experience.

I'll add that I'm overweight. I've lost more than 30lbs, but need to lose another 30 - most of it is on my stomach. The boobs, lower legs and backside went first, but the sides have gone in as well.

However, a consultant told me to forget about losing weight and concentrate about building muscle. Nevertheless, the weight is still going down, albeit very slowly and I've gone down from a size 22 to an 18. (I'm 5ft 8.)

I acknowledge that people who are supplying support for grandchildren etc won't have quite so much time for classes, but many of the women at Senior Flex are going to half a dozen classes a week - Senior Flex three times a week plus Aquarobics and other classes.

At Senior Flex, we're all using different weights according to our ability and there are some folk currently using body weight only.

I'll add that both Senior Flex and Pilates have helped my balance a great deal.

Sorry - this turned into a bit of a saga.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel better than I have in years.

ETA I did go to the gym twice a week for 3 or 4 yrs in my late 30s/early 40s, but eventually couldn't continue with a full-time job, caring for my parents and then caring for my husband. Also had a period when I had difficulty walking until a foot op.

@EvieBB I would ask for a physio referral for your mum. Resistance work with bands might be safer for her.

However, it would also be a good idea to look at the exercise section on the ROS website.

BTW, the ROS helpline is brilliant for advice. They helped me a great deal when Mum's biphosphonate meds were stopped (because of her gullet problem). They advised me on how to advocate for Mum and get other treatment for her.

https://theros.org.uk/information-and-support/osteoporosis/living-with-osteoporosis/exercise-and-physical-activity-for-osteoporosis/

@EvieBB I see that the ROS website recommends pilates and yoga. I'd say that it depends on the class.

Some of the women in the Pilates class I attend have osteoporosis and find the yoga very beneficial. There are chair Pilates classes at some of the county's gyms and I'm told that these are very good for people getting their fitness back.

I can tell you that some of the women at the Senior Flex classes are in their 80s. (I think there are perhaps 3 or 4 men in the Senior Flex classes. Ditto for yoga.)

Some of the other women have told me that the Aquaerobics classes are very good.

Your suggestion of paying for a trainer for a while is a good one, I'd say, but make sure that you get someone who knows about working with older women.

I don’t know why a GP would think we will have a horrible old age if we don’t exercise. That’s nonsense. My two aunts both lived to 91 in good health with no problems getting around. Exercise wasn’t a thing in their younger days. I’m 78 and have not exercised much. I did try a gym in my 40s and hated it so gave it up eventually I can’t say I’ve done much walking for exercise either. But I am about to start dancing classes (Ceroc) as it’s fun.

As mentioned many times, your aunts would have done way more incidental exercise as part of their daily lives.
I doubt a GP is telling anyone they will have a horrible old age if they don't exercise, but rather than exercising will improve their odds of having a healthier old age. We all know the person who drunk, smoke, ate a terrible diet and lived with high stress and lived to 100. That doesn't negate that those were not healthy choices (or maybe not choices in the case of diet and stress).

I wonder if it would be worth getting my mum on a weights regime? Is it too late? Don't want to cause her any damage tho ....maybe we get some advice from NHS physio..?..or even get a few private sessions?

Both you and your mum should definitely see a physiotherapist, @EvieBB . Anyone who takes up exercise after a lifetime of comparative inactivity would be wise to get checked out and advised about suitable exercises and how to perform them correctly - especially resistance and weight based training.

I think @WearyAuldWumman ‘s experience is inspiring!

I most certainly would not dismiss exercise the way some PPs have. See my previous post above for illustrations of possible outcomes…

@WearyAuldWumman I'm not sure an Inbody scan is going to give you the correct result. It will measure total bone mass but that it not the same as identifying bone density at the sites that are prone to fracture- ie spine and hips.
You could have large bones and total mass that was high but loss of bone in the vulnerable sites.

In England a private DEXA scan is around £200ish depending where it's done.

Weights can only do so much.
You really do need another scan (DEXA) .

There are also many other drugs now not just bisphosphonates- some are transfusions or injections.

HRT is also a treatment and prevention even at 66. Are you still on it? Many doctors would say you should be depending on your bone density.

@WearyAuldWumman Sorry to bombard you. Out of interest, I researched online to show the difference with an Inbody scan and a dexa.
What I posted was correct.
Total bone mass is not the same as bone density.

Your GP is very negligent.
You should have dexa scans every 3 years to monitor this, considering your mum.)

Thank you.

Catching up here. Yes, on it indefinitely- Mirena plus Elleste Solo. Have been seen by the HRT specialist for our area - he inserted the coil and told my GP to prescribe the Elleste.

Mum had her first spinal break after coming off it in her 6os, which is why I’m determined to hang onto it.

Shall add that Mum eventually got an Aclasta infusion, but a lot of damage had been done by then.

To clarify: eventually managed to persuade a GP to give me HRT for perimenopausal symptoms when I was in my late 40s. Have argued to stay on it ever since. Have had the Mirena for over a year now - specialist recommended it as protection against uterine cancer.

Policy in Fife now seems to have changed to make HRT more readily available.

That sounds a lot more positive. However, your GP should refer you for a DEXA purely on the basis of a strong hereditary risk.

Thanks so much for sharing this - I really appreciate that.
I'm so sorry that you lost your husband at such a young age, but I'm glad you have been able to improve your health and more forwards so positively. You are an inspiration! I also have a painful foot (at times). I wonder if I have arthritis in it - it does feel very tender at times, but not all the time. What foot op did you have please?

Thanks once again! I will definately look in to this.
It's funny - as I was just talking to my mum about resistance bands the other day thinking they may be safer.I like the idea of a helpline with qualified people to give advice about exercising at her age and in her current condition, so that's great. Thanks so much x

Thanks so much for your advice. We definately will take some advice from the physio....it's imperative now!
It's a bit upsetting as my mum's actually been very active all her life - she's brought up 4 children and running a household meant she never sat down. She was always either doing housework or gardening and loves swimming and up until now she would go very often when time would allow - and more recently (now that she hasn't had to help with GC childcare) she's been going about 4 times per week for the last 10 years. I remember when she was younger she would cycle to the baths, swim a 100 lengths and cycle back. So, it's a little disheartening that she's now in this state but to be fair, she hasn't done any resistance training. She used to be a member of a gym back in the 80s but not for more than about 5 years and back then it was probably more about cardio and the sauna rather than weights. We worried in the 80s that we'd turn into men with big rippling muscles didn't we? Ha. Anyway, thanks so much :)

Fab! Thanks so much yet again :)
It's all hugely appreciated as I've felt a little lost and unsupported by the NHS in terms of any form of rehabilitation following her horrendous fall to be honest. They've been great at all the other stuff - scans and checking BP and medicating her but not helping her to gain strength and balance to stop her falling in the first place :(
The physio in the hospital (we're in Yorkshire) checked if she could walk up and down 3 steps - which she could (slowly) and holding on to a rail then said, ok, that's fine, you're safe to go home now! I'm shocked she hasn't been given more input, but I guess we'll have to push for it ourselves and look into private options. Thank you again

Check out Will Harlow, @EvieBB - he has lots of short exercise videos specifically aimed at over-60s who are new to exercise:

I spent my entire life in sensible shoes because of flat feet, inherited from Dad.

in his 40s, he had to have every single toe broken and straightened.

In my case, I was finally given orthotics in my 40s - far too late. My parents were told that I’d been cured by my built up shoes as a child. Nope.

When I was in my 50s, I could barely walk. Didn’t need all the toes done, but had a bilateral scarf- Akin osteotomy - both big toes broken, a v shape of bone cut out and put back together with a staple and a pin. Commonly referred to as a bunion op, but there was a bit more to it than that - my feet were very deformed, to the extent that the problem was referred to as a ‘congenital defectI’.

Apparently, orthotics instead of built up shoes when I was a child might have prevented the op.

Couldn’t run as a child. I can now, so long as I’m wearing my orthotics. I need to wear trainers most of the time, but that’s better than not being able to walk.

Hospital refused physio for Mum when she broke her pelvis - she had dementia by then and they said she’d never walk again.

She walked again - did it herself.