The support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Summer 2026

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.
There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.
Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.
The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.
So climb aboard and join the shipmates (as well as our dog mascot Sid!) and see how good alcohol free life can be.

Morning all.
Up with the dog wanting his breakfast.

Had a really interesting conversation with the DS about diamonds (I think an engagement will be on the cards). He really thinks the diamond industry is exploitative. I doubt he will want my help but I'm proud of his stance and knowledge.

The seafood risotto was good due to the stock from marks.

We're reviewing the garden today. Nor sure what to do

Thank you for all of your messages of support. It was a really dark and tough period of my life, and perhaps I should revisit it more frequently, because I know that’s where I will end up with a relapse that I don’t come back from.

@postcard he was amazing throughout, just a fantastic human being. Even if he can be grumpy as hell at times!

@REP22 I have forgiven myself, how could I not in the end? We all make mistakes, it’s how we move on from them.

@WendyWagon re: family, this is probably something I have buried because I do not wish to be a burden to my family. My elderly parents still have no idea (I have told them it’s just to keep myself fit and for mental clarity). My DM can be very judgmental at times, and I really don’t have the headspace to give her concern. I also don’t want to worry them, as they do worry about every single little detail. And I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed that I am an alcoholic, I know I should feel no shame, I have admitted that I am powerless over alcohol, and will abstain for life. But I’m still full of shame for how it got to this stage. I don’t know if therapy would unpick it to stop me from feeling shame?

Perhaps it is just part of who I am. I am a very private person, I have a close circle of friends, but I’ve not told a soul that I have a problem. My friends all know I no longer drink and are not judgemental in the slightest. That said, to this day, I have only told four people in my whole circle of friends, family and colleagues, that I am an alcoholic. And they only know because they had to know.

@TickleMeElmo1 thank you, joining this group has helped me so much. I started my last dry run without the help of this group because I felt shame at the number of times I kept failing and know this is only for those who want to abstain completely. I should have been posting on here from Day 1.

@Adsy1988 I had about nine months of weekly therapy. Best money I ever spent. Less than I was previously spending on booze. I did look for someone with experience of alcoholics. I wish it was something I could do once a month but they don't work like that.
I thought I knew why I drank but it turned out to be something completely different. I'd been bullied throughout my childhood.
I thought I could get approval by being successful but it just stirred up jealousy in the family. I also never slept until I moved out as that could mean violence. I'm at peace with it now but it was a shitty way to treat a child.

@Adsy1988 really brave if you to share that and it really does help to read other peoples experiences. I keep having weird flashes of thinking about drinking but I have a plethora of stories, each enough to make anyone give up. Posting here does help so much, finding this thread saved me I think. I’d had so many crappy attempts and I genuine woke up every morning saying never again.

@WendyWagon I often wonder about therapy too, I started drinking at 14 and also took a lot of drugs in the 90’s. I’m slowly unpicking that it was my way of coping with undiagnosed ADHD (diagnosed now) and also potentially autism. My parents were big drinkers and I’m now pretty sure my mum is autistic. She can be quite brutally tough, she does love me but she’s definitely an odd character. Getting to see her through my husbands eyes has been an awakening really.
@Lavrander ive watched most of AJLT why did they make Miranda so weird, she was always a bad ass, and Steve such a simpering idiot. It definitely doesn’t hit the same mark. The only character who I’ve enjoyed in it is Charlotte.

@TickleMeElmo1 I think we are a similar age. I loved your 50 before 50 list, Might have to start my own.

Waves to all, hope everyone has a happy Sunday, head scratches to Sid x

@FiloPasty my DH had a very different view of my mother too!

Hi all. Hope everyone is okay this Sunday afternoon. You're right @FiloPasty- this thread really is what has saved me too. There's a lot I can't say in real life and all the other times as soon as I felt better I forgot why I'd stopped. Thank you for sharing @Adsy1988. It may not have been your intention and I hope this doesn't come across like I'm revelling in the pain of others - I'm absolutely not - but occasionally reading about the reality of alcohol is the reminder/ slap I need when I look back fondly at the old days. Funny how the brain still goes there.

Your DS is on to something @WendyWagon. People still sneer at lab grown diamonds but they are the same thing chemically, without all the baggage.

Evening Shipmates,

On here late, but had a good day today. 100% agree @Lavrander this thread is a lifesaver for me too. I have nothing but admiration for such honesty and openness as is shared here. I wish I could wave a wand and take away that the sense of shame that lots of us feel.

Problematic childhoods - particularly parents - are a very, very common theme among those of us who seek escape and numbness in drink. There will be very few who have not experienced disordered parenting and/or other trauma in the tangled path that led us to our problematic drinking. If there was a secret survey about it of all with our issues nationwide, the results would, I'm sure, be staggering. I had no clue how similar my story would be to others. I think it's a bit like "the script" often referred to in threads where a poster has asked for advice when a husband or partner has suddenly been cold and distant, staying out, spending, etc. - it's so obvious to read them and understand that there's another woman. They're almost word-for-word the same. I think it's similar for us. There is a script. Different players on different stages, but the cause and effects sadly all too similar Much like @FiloPasty says with regard to their DH - often we are so mired in our own script that it takes an external witness to spot it for what it is. We could go through life not knowing that our normal is not normal, or that we did not bring this upon ourselves.

@WendyWagon it breaks my heart that you had to endure this in your life. You deserved so, so much better. It took me a lot of counselling to understand that it was not my fault what happened, I couldn't change it - but I COULD change how I dealt with it, reacted to future incoming, and managed myself going forwards. Very hard to learn, but never a wasted lesson.

But there is no shame in this. @Adsy1988 - you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. No-one in my real life apart from medical professionals know how bad I was at my worst. I am ashamed, of course. But it is an illness. We cannot help the way we are; it's something in us that means we struggle and fight to overcome what we know is harmful. There is not that in us which can help it. Many people can have a couple of drinks and leave it at that, but whatever we have in us makes that difficult. If you break your leg, you need crutches to walk. If you have a cancer, you may need radiotherapy to heal. If you have an infection, you need antibiotics to recover. If you are someone like me, you need support, understanding, willpower (and this thread!) to fight and defeat the cravings. There is no shame in using crutches, radiotherapy, antibiotics when you need them. For me, there is equally zero shame in procuring the support needed to fight addiction. It's what we need to mend us. We do not have this problem because we are weak-willed, shameful or stupid. We've got something wrong with us, which we did not ask for but must endure, which needs a different kind of crutch to guide us.

I've been struggling this weekend lads. Couldn't get to sleep until 5am this morning, and longing heartily for something to numb it tonight. Shop closes in 20 minutes... But no. It will kill me. I don't choose this. I choose Sid. For Sid, then. This is horrible sometimes. But I will thank me for it in the morning. And so will Sid.

Here he is, keeping vigilant watch over the incoming tides. Stand firm behind him. He will not allow the waves to wash over us.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. xx

Talk to us for the next ten minutes @REP22?

Tell us tales about your holiday, and Sid’s adventures. We are listening and will do so until the urges pass and the shop is shut. x

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen - I very much appreciate that. Sid is (just about) barking to me again after his powerboat experience. How are you doing? I was thinking about you the other night, and all your wise advice about dealing with our situations and our futures (that's not why I didn't sleep last night!).

I was grateful again for your advice about Thiamine, and taking it regularly. There was a very wise post elsewhere online relating to dementia and extolling the proven virtues of taking Thiamine as a helpmeet against drink-related issues. I do hope that all is well with you and your family. ❤️

The hour has passed. Not even the garage shop can tempt me now. Off home to put Police Interceptors on his streaming channel for Sid and head bed-wards.

Goodnight and love to you. Thank you for the solidarity. x

I’ve been similar @REP22 agree with @Lavrander that it’s not basking in others pain but it’s so helpful to be slapped in the face with the reality of it. I get wistful thinking about the “fun” times but they are wrapped in lots of misery and embarrassment, I’m a chronic oversharer in public and often just wonder why I let things come out of my mouth. I’m so much better sober.
Im definitely a better parent.

All is well, thanks, I think. As well as it will ever be, at least. I can say no more than that, really.

Times are difficult for many shipmates just now (me included), but we’ve been here before, and will be again. Choppy waters are as nought to us. We have one another, and Sid of course, so all will be well. Goodnight to all, and sleep well.

Just checking in on the new thread, thanks for hosting again @Lavrander discovered the group this time last year and now I'm thirteen months in. I'd like to post here more bit read regularly and have had such incredible encouragement. I still have quite a few ups and downs and the support here is amazing.
@Adsy1988 and @REP22 sending you both big sober hugs.
I've had an uneventful but nice weekend.Tried a new early morning exercise class which I never would have gone to of I'd been drinking the night before. Well actually i did go to some exercise classes but would always feel so unwell doing exercise with a hangover that I wouldn't return. It's lovely when you feel the benefits and changes in your yourself. I've recently completed my first resort sober holiday. I did feel envious of those with drinks and quite tempted a few evenings but stayed the course. Felt well after.the holiday and it was nice not to have wasted money on booze.Next sober challenge is a wedding later in the month with old friends. Have a nice sober week everyone.

Towards the end of the last thread I think someone asked about the Three Spirit drinks. Was at a sober friends recently and he served The Livener with ginger ale which was lovely.I'm curious to try more.

The posts over recent days have made me quite emotional, thank you all for sharing. I also had a problematic childhood; specifically a father who made me do terrible things (won’t go into detail as it’d be triggering for most, especially dear Sid unfortunately!) but thankfully my siblings and mum are wonderful people and we got away. I couldn’t see what a monster he was as the time or what a monster I was when with him, but my little world revolved around pleasing him, which meant copying the dreadful things he did, the least bad of which was drinking alcohol, from the age of 6/7. Thankfully I stopped the evilness when he was no longer in our life but the love of the numbness remained so I continued drinking for 30+ years. I 100% would still be drinking had I not found this group, happened upon by chance when researching WLI for my lovely, supportive, darling husband who is the type who’ll have a glass of champagne at a wedding or raise a whisky to the deceased at a funeral and that could be his total units for the year - I used to love that as he’d always drive! We don’t have children (because “why would you bring children into a world this awful?” - words I actually asked my mum at 13) so I’d never even heard of MN. But you have all saved my marriage, my career (I was drinking in the toilets at work by the end and once had to tell the rest of the SLT that hat I’d mistakenly taken Tramadol instead of paracetamol when I realised I looked inebriated on a Teams call!) and possibly my life, I know I was ‘drinking to end it’ as I wanted it to end but couldn’t break the hearts of those I love by doing it a quicker way. I still think every day about the evil I did but I was a child, I know I can’t change the past, it just hurts that I did it and I don’t have my crutch to take away the thoughts anymore, but I have you all to keep me aboard. For that I am thankful. Love to dear Sid, I now give my pack of pooches all the adoration our pets deserve, they are our babies and I’d protect them with my last breath.
iWNDWYT ❤️

How are you today @REP22? Playing it
forward is really helpful to my recovery, and you done the exact right thing last night. A massive shout out to @ShyMaryEllen, I’m quite emotional at the thought of a stranger reaching out and helping.

Day 8 here. I haven’t been tempted at all, although given how scrambled alcohol makes my brain, it’s not really a surprise.

The sun looks to be making an appearance here today, which is nice.

Have a great Monday everyone. I’m a little nervous about this week as I finish on Wednesday for nearly three weeks off work, during which I have lots of plans but I know there will be a lull.

Good morning all.
Sailing straight ahead to the blue skies and calm water that we all know are ahead. We can't change others but we can work on ourselves and we're all here as we have the courage to do so. I'm so sorry for the pain some of my lovely shipmates have gone through and are still going through.

Celebrations for @Teaforthetotal. I hope you still enjoyed your holiday?

@TickleMeElmo1 - I'm on series 4 - George Clooney still in it. I remember some of the big story lines but still haven't got to any of them.

Good morning, what an inspiration you all are ❤️ It’s amazing to read your stories and hear where you all are now. I‘m only at the beginning of my journey but you all give me hope.

I had a nice weekend. It’s good to be busy, productive and active. Like I used to be, before alcohol crept in and ruined everything.

I‘m still chugging away AF drinks. Before, I would only drink coffee, water or alcohol. Didn‘t want to waste calories on soft drinks (oh the irony, there are so many calories in alcohol and the snacking that comes with it!). It has been strangely freeing to try new drinks, and also to be able to say yes to an ice cream because I don’t have to save my calories for wine. I wouldn‘t allow myself to drink spirits because I was scared of what might happen if I drank them in the way I drank wine. So this weekend I‘ve been enjoying some AF gin and tonic with an eff you to alcohol thrown in for good measure.

@TwoNicePuppies sending big hugs. I’m glad you’ve got a wonderful husband and pooches now and have been alongside us all staying sober. Have you had any therapy? I’m a bit nervous to do that, the closest I’ve got was a Reiki session once where I just cried, did feel incredible afterwards though x

Morning all.
Thank you for sharing some of your story @TwoNicePuppies . I’m glad you found us. One of my mantras is “ we can only live our lives forwards”.

Well done on getting to 8 days @Adsy1988 . Try not to be afraid of a lull - distraction is a great way of avoiding the cravings, but learning how to rest without alcohol is also a skill that’s worth acquiring (and it is a skill, that like anything else gets easier with practice)

Has anyone else been to see the Sheep Detectives?! It is a very, very silly film, but DH and I decided we needed a silly film. Anyway, it’s hopefully not too much of a spoiler to say that the sheep have a technique for forgetting things - when memories are painful, the whole flock decides to forget them on a count of 3. 1,2, 3, and the memory has gone. It sounds great BUT there is one sheep that remembers everything, and at one point he convinces the rest of the flock that although it’s painful, it’s important that they remember things.

And it features Brett Goldstein (Roy Kent from Ted Lasso) as the voice of Ronnie and Reggie, the rams who like bashing things.

Morning, Shipmates! There's a good article on BBC News this morning - tips for enjoying an alcohol free World Cup. I don't follow the World Cup but some of the tips would apply to any occasion where your friends normally get very boozy in a pub environment - anyway, sharing in case anyone else finds it useful. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czr25ypjrdvo

No therapy, I honestly don’t think I could say the things I did aloud. Several years ago I attempted grief therapy after my dear friend unexpectedly died in my arms but it was unsuccessful. I’m not a crier but I literally just sobbed for the duration of the session, to the point where I couldn’t speak, so I essentially just paid someone to watch me blubber for a few hours!

I’m so sorry you experienced that @TwoNicePuppies x

Morning all.

I cried yesterday when the DS was going home to his house. It's so quiet without him. When he lived with us it was challenging at times but his big personality ment there was always a conversation. Both my DH and DD are quiet souls. Mind you I appreciate not having to watch sport all day!
The awful legal matter beckons this week and I need to try to reach a compromise.

Just to add I too cried throughout my first therapy session.
My therapist told me to stop being so conversational and say why I was there. I spend my working life negotiating but I had for once the chance to talk just about me. It was like a verbal waterfall!
I stopped when I was discussing houses and not feelings. We were done.