The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Mr Comedy sadly messaged and cancelled our second date - he said he is suffering from anxiety at the moment and work problems, and his head isn't in the right space for dating.

It could be bollocks of course, but having discussed it with people on here I decided to take it at face value.... I haven't blocked him, so if things change for him and I am still single, I told him to get in touch. I won't be holding my breath though....

To be honest, while I liked him as a person, I did have an inkling that his finances might be quite precarious, and that was a worry to me - so if things were actually worse than I thought, while this may sound harsh, I have perhaps dodged a bullet there.....

Welcome and buckle in for the bumpy ride of dating! It has its highs and its lows. The best tip I can give you is to have high standards but low expectations 😂 So be clear on your boundaries and what you want/need, but don’t expect to find it any time soon. That way if you do, it will be a nice surprise…

Just got this like on FB dating. It's the only photo. How on earth are you supposed to tell which one you are getting? 🤣

So the work mid-winter Xmas party was yesterday and was a bit of a non-event in the end, it coincided with school holidays here so quite a few people were away and it ended up finishing relatively early.

Work colleague Mr Social continues to message me outside of work. Yesterday as we were both in the office, he also asked me to for a short walk with him to get some fresh air, as it was lovely and sunny outside. Not unusual for people in our team to do this so all very decorous.

😂

BoxOfCats I'm only really going on there once a day to see my recommended one now. & Generally I'll end up tutting & muttering to myself 'Why did they recommend him to me? Don't they know me at all?!'

Ilovelurchers It will be the one you like the look of the least

@Ilovelurchers group photo as the first pic are block to burn.

@BoxOfCats thing with Mr Social seems to be developing sweetly 😁

No chance are any of those men 42! 😂 I sense someone fibbing about their age because they’re looking for older women! I’ve seen that a good few times online however they normally disclose their true age in the bio and explain why. But yes….which one is he?! Please match and ask then report back! 😂

Welcome! Sorry to hear about your divorce. I’ve been there too and it’s such a tough time regardless of who initiated (it was me in my case). I also first went online before my divorce was finalised years ago, and it was a great distraction and confidence boost too. And as others have said, there’s lots of men of all faiths across the OLD sites. Best of luck my love 🤍

This is me too, I've now paused Bumble & Hinge as I just can't be bothered. I've been have a great time single, doing my own thing, out with friends and family etc that I'm just not that interested & a bit bored of the whole dating thing.

I have one iron, Mr Disney, I'm still chatting to with a date planned next Sat so will see how that goes otherwise I'm out for now haha.

I just can't seem to get excited about anyone...

Just joined thred,
im 9 months single so joined fb dating last week. Ive had a match from a man but hes 9 years younger and we have a mutual friend
i matched with him & he sent a message then i chickened out and unmatched arghh

Aww Dancemom1 It's hard to make the first step!

Mildres007 Yes, I'm just checking in for my 'You are recommended' on Hinge now. I'm not quite ready to completely give up...

@Dancemom1 welcome! Taking that first step of sending a message is so daunting, but well done on setting up a profile! The age thing, I prefer younger and if you do too then there’s nothing wrong with that. Keep going, and if you need help or advice on what to write back or for an opening message then let us know ☺️

Ooo thank you very much @empirebiscuits12

I love to catch up on here, I am in a relationship although not perfect or sure where it’s going or how long it was last, however what I wanted to say was I’d definitely recommend the gym to meet potential dates especially before work, the gym in a morning is full of them and easy to get talking , just a tip alongside the apps if anyone is looking for other ways to meet anyone.

Hi @dollyblue01 interesting. Our gym has strict rules against this and everyone keeps themselves to themselves. Maybe depends on the gym?

Team I am wondering whether to send Planes good luck for his exam today?

NO to texting Planes!!!! He doesn’t deserve your headspace let alone your time. This will only open the communication channels and give him the ego boost he craves. I know it’s hard but please try your best 🤍

@Nosdacariad don't text him. Think about what it could possibly achieve. He doesnt need to know you are the better person - you are and what he thinks is irrelevant. If he doesnt reply you will feel rubbish. And if he does reply with something to try and draw you back in, you'll feel torn (and ultimately rubbish). Hugs x

Nooooo step away from the phone!!! Stay strong, I honestly think you should block him xxx

Block and delete his number completely from your phone so you literally can’t text him again.

Dating in and out of culture / ethnicity / religion.

The comment from @secon Ps. I’ve tried Muslim matrimonial apps (dire) and Hinge (a mixed bag of men). got me thinking; hat and what my Korean friend does. I think there's a lot to be said for exploring differences, however I just don't know and if I am honest I have tended to stay in my lane with men who have reasonably similar backgrounds.

Discussing dating with a Muslim friend some time ago: she showed me interactions of two different apps. I can't say that the online format was bringing out the best in men (from what I saw).

@empirebiscuits12 @Betsy95 it feels too mean. This time two weeks ago we were having breakfast together 🙃

But I won't message x

@Nosdacariad I agree with everyone else, don't message! Stay strong 💪

You're not mean at all! The fact you want to wish him luck despite all he has said and done is a testament to that but no good will come of it for you. It'll just give him the power & ego boost he obviously wants (hence the harem propping him up!)

Big hugs, You're doing amazing x

I think you are really kind and caring, but do you think if the roles were reversed he would message you good luck? I know it’s so hard because there’s still feelings there, but you deserve someone who’s kind, considerate and values you xx

From online chat last night with my Korean friend PMj, partly on whether we will date the Suit guy plus who knows what and partly about what she/we are looking for. For me, White, English, academic, it comes down to having a long term partner goal, but being open to some fun along the way. I can see the latter perhaps hindering the former though. For her it is about enjoying herself while studying in London knowing that a different life plan is probably mapped out when she returns home.

“Back home the script is already written for me: the perfect husband, the house in a good area, the children, the respectable life. It's safe, but it's a cage. Here, even if it's messy or intense, at least it's mine. I want experiences that actually make me feel something. I want to explore the sides of myself I had to repress to get those grades. If that means a fun, wild ride instead of a boring, predictable life, then sign me up for now. I'm done with being perfect. Yet many men here seem scared of me if I turn on me not a stereotype.

The worse British men lack authority. They look at me like I'm some exotic doll, but not with the intent to own me, just to play around with a dream. The rare, good ones I think are decisive. They don't treat a date like a negotiation or ask for permission to exist. They have this quiet confidence where they just take the lead without making a big show of it. They're observant, too, with a competence that is incredibly attractive to me.”