Why do some people attract much drama?

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I know some people make their own drama either on purpose or through poor choices but there also seems to be a whole group of people who just seem to attract it.

For instance, there is a woman on my FB who I dont follow/interact with but who keeps coming up because I read her posts. In the last month she has taken legal action against her son's school. She suddenly stopped talking about it after naking a big deal over seeinv a solicitor so I guess it went nowhere. Reckons a teacher in another school assaulted her daughter with witnesses and on CCTV but there was no action taken against him and is now kicking up a fuss over someone walking into her and getting upset that the police aren't treating it as assault. Something about BTP too. Then the police apparently threatened to arrest her. She also regularly moans that she is being discriminated against different organisations. It must be exhausting being her.

Then a few years ago there was another lady who seemed attract drama. Don't get me wrong she clearly liked playing the victim but she also had a lot of bad luck and had a few awful cards dealt to her eg her daughter died, someone she thought was a friend ripped her off, there was something about a misunderstanding over church funds etc

I see this in real life too. Some people seem to go from one crisis to another. An ex friend had a crazy time for a few years with various housing issues, boyfriend issues and health issues. I suspect it's still ongoing. She isn't hugely resilient so I don't know whether her "dramas" would have been such big deals for other people but still drama.

Are you someone who just can't seem to live calmly? Or does someone who know crash from one disaster to another? Why do you think that is?

I used to date someone like this. He would constantly say things such as “all I want is to live a peaceful life” in a dramatic fashion, or talk about how he can’t catch a break and then would somehow create the next drama. It was a good lesson for me to watch someone’s actions rather than believing their words.

I also distanced myself from another friend who did this a lot. For her, it was all about the validation of having people “show up in her hour of need” most of her friends end up with empathy fatigue and start stepping back. I do think that’s the reason for many, to ‘test’ how people around them will react and I think it’s out of insecurity. Sometimes going hand in hand with RSD or similar.

That is exactly why my friend is an ex friend. There is only so much support and then she'd be too mentally exhausted to give back on the rare occassion I needed something.

It’s good when they post all this shit online as they’re giving you a handy notice you should completely give them a wide berth.

Just stay away from these types. SIL just rants away into the void in the family chat - we’ve got another one without her we actually use.

Because they enjoy the attention.

Drama attracts yet more drama. It's a vicious cycle for some. Snowballing from one drama to another.

The most tragic example of someone who thrives on drama is Katie Price. Drama is her oxygen!

I have a friend like this. She means so well too. In the last heatwave she collapsed from exhaustion and heatstroke, but made sure to thank all her friends on social media to coming to her aid, thankfully she recovered quickly. It turns out she'd been running around for hours trying to buy a fan, several shops out of stock, then found one, got it home but it wouldn't work so immediately took it back to get a replacement to find they had since sold out. I can't help but think she'd have been better just staying put in the shade or sitting in a cold bath.

I don't know what the answer is but I have seen people make drama their identity. Just like some people without personalities make their kids or pets their personality. It's like they don't have anything in life to make them interesting so they have to create something and make drama or victimisation their past time. I steer well clear of people in this camp. I have a peaceful life and any drama I deal with using logic. I can't even be emotional support for people with drama. They just aggravate me and then have extra drama when I tell them off!

Yes. It makes them important for five minutes

I have thought about this a lot and in my experience, many of these people have probably suffered real abuse/trauma when they were younger and they weren’t seen/heard/supported then. Consequently, they shout louder now to make themselves heard.

I had a crisis period in my life it was absolutely hideous and we lurched from one thing to the next thing because things just came at us but my God I did everything to make this a thing of the past because I like the plain sailing life.

At the time I had a friend who is like you describe. She kicks off against everyone. Because we were both having difficult times we were very close for a while. But I realised that while I was trying to get things processed and move forward and not have other dramas around me, she was constantly provoking things and stirring things with people she was in conflict with.

My situation is now boringly quiet now she is still on her next quest. I’ve stepped back but recently she was angry I went out with mutual friends she had fallen out with so I’ve probably made the hit list.

She has an ASD diagnosis but I often wondered if she has EUPD as well.

Relationships are so high conflict with her. Her 3 kids have been through so many schools who can’t resolve things as similar issues arise with them because they simply cannot work with her.

Because they love the attention. I stumbled into a FB page the other day full of mama and papa bear types revelling in being banned from their kids schools for being dicks, threatening teachers, etc. etc. Totally dysfunctional.

I had a friend like that, she was always talking about how a former friend betrayed her, how she fell off with her and him and them etc, and her ex was this and that and this other ex as well, just drama over drama.

And then she started to date a friend of mine and turned out she was the abusive and controling one, she decided her partner / my friend was in love with me, for no reason whatsoever.
When they got married, she invited all my friends, people she hardly knew, but not me. We never had an argument, nothing. She just flipped.

So yeah now I'm wary of people who seem to have the world against them. Highly likely that the problem is just them.

Some people seem to thrive on creating drama and then blaming others. A certain ginger haired former prince comes to mind 😉

IMO they thrive on drama. It is meat and drink to them.

I’d say the woman in your first example is very much someone who creates her own drama, and then people like that also seem to be drama magnets for anyone else’s.

I do have someone in my life who is constantly surrounded by drama and it’s very exhausting being in her company. I’ve distanced myself from her as much as I can, but she’s family and is actually a good person; she’s just addicted to drama.

I crave peace in my life and actively don’t allow drama to surround me, so as much as I don’t understand the mindset of people who love it, I do find it fascinating, especially because I believe a lot of it is subconscious and if you were to ask these people why they love drama, they would mostly believe the complete opposite about themselves.

This is almost what my friend was like, but if she even got a whiff of something going on in my life that I was trying to deal with (privately, I might add) she’d go out of her way to try and drag it out of you, force her advice on you and then go and tell everyone else about it so that can see what a hero she was. My theory is that she was banking it so she could demand the same back from me.
She would often send me huge long text messages at midnight all about how anxious she was or what a bad person she thinks she is. To begin with, I would reply and try and talk her down but I realised the more I did it, the more she would contact me. It wasn’t easy stepping away but I’m so glad I did. She was starting to affect my mental health!

YANBU - one of my mantras for my teens is ‘stay away from the drama people’. They suck all of the energy out of everyone near them.
DS was quite drawn to the drama in primary school - but it always ends badly.

Holding my hands up as someone who has experienced multiple bereavements and a domino effect of related catastrophe in a 5 year period. Some of it I've handled "resiliently" and stoically, some not so much, largely due to other people either "trying to help" or just sticking their beaks in pretty thoughtlessly.

To avoid drama I have ended up somewhat isolated and reclusive, and I pretty much stopped posting on social media as it was a big factor for prolonging the agony as it were. I'm down to about 3 friends who have had similarly "you couldn't make this shit up" experiences, so we just quietly support each other and try to keep calm and carry on.

From observation, it leaves one feeling a bit "Typhoid Mary" or "Jonah", and it's very difficult to navigate when it almost seems as though people miss the drama around you, and almost seem to want it to continue.

I understand the thoughts in the OP, but honestly, for some people, life does concentrate a series of disruptive curve balls into relatively short spaces of time, and ability to deal with it depends on so much about environment, upbringing, the circles you move in etc.

If anything "bad" happened now, I would be so much less likely to share it as I have lost trust and confidence in so much.

My strategy for lower level chaos has always been to remove myself as far as possible and if it carries on without me, at least I know it wasn't me.

Humans are messy, complicated creatures and I've certainly had a crash course in just how far that can go, both for myself and others.

They are the kind of people who ‘fall out’ with people. The odd falling out is normal but I know some who are always falling out with this person then that person. They’re always the problem but they don’t recognise that they are.

Dramatic things do happen to us all, but the ones who constantly have drama just thrive on the attention, the buzz or something. They’re people to avoid, for sure because they’re creating those issues themselves.

@MistressoftheDarkSide I could be wrong, but I don’t think you’re the type of example people are talking about. Of course people can have a run of bad luck. But in my case, the drama and self pity people showed me would come after things such as a car failing its MOT, or a relationship that ended over 5 years ago.
Im very sorry to hear you had such a hard time of things and hope your life is more peaceful now. It sounds like you went through quite a stressful time! And I can also related to people inserting themselves in to your drama and trying to act the hero. I too am very careful these days who I share things with, opting mainly to manage stuff by myself.

I have a family member like this.

They could fall out with themselves in an empty room and then moan about it !

For the sake of my own mental health I had to cut them out of my life. No doubt they are bending someone else's ear'ole now 🙄

Correct - it’s called the law of attraction.

I know two different people who do this

One,an ex just loved drama,he lived for it

He could start a row in an empty room or he'd be bored (and he couldn't stand being bored)

It was purely for him own entertainment and for some reason,I was always expected to sort any trouble out and then he'd start up again

The other was a friend-always something going on

She fell out with so many people and would come running to me,whinging and slagging them off

It became so draining,I couldn't cope with it so stepped back and she turned on me

It's a game to her and one she very much enjoys and lives for

I have one old friend who loves to post check ins at hospital on FB then wait for all the " you ok hun? " messages.
Ive unfollowed her.

How funny I should stumble upon this thread as I was just thinking the same thing. I have had a couple of these in my extended family and it's never ending.
The first one is constantly having things happening to her that is not her fault and her poor dad is just bailing her out in situation after situation. Her son now seems to have inherited this. We only get second hand information but the latest was a drink driving drama where he was of course not at fault, it was someone else and he just ..... second one was a 'controlling' girlfriend who he just happened to push at an event in front of a police man. Sure he is totally innocent.

The other family member turned out to be a total nutcase. We were quite close to her (married to husbands dad) and she was fun, we went on holidays. Then we noticed that she fell out with people constantly and then of course it was our turn, a minor misdemeanor that we apologised for (not needed really but just to keep peace) but that was it. When my husbands dad died, she fell out with every single member of his family. My husband doesn't even know where his own dad's ashes are

Then you see them on the various groups on Facebook and what's up. The latest are the drama mums who are enraged by having to send their precious kids to school in the heat. Bloody just keep them home then, no need to create the drama