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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Smellly Lodger.

63 replies

IthinkAIBUalot · Yesterday 15:41

Two months ago, I got a lodger. The room was freshly decorated a few days before he moved in. It had furniture for him to use, but no mattress—since I’d just finished decorating, he said he'd buy one he liked, which was great.
He's out most of the time; he spends from dawn to dusk in the pub he works in, and even when he isn't working, he’s drinking there. He comes home at about 1 a.m. and always buys a takeaway. He hasn't cooked a single thing since he moved in (he has never bought any food, apart from a single Pot Noodle). Fine, I'm not bothered by this—he can do what he wants. He's always quiet, so no problems there. The rest of the time he's in his room, quietly on his computer, which is great for me.

However, to me, there is a MAJOR issue.

The first few nights, he slept on the sofa in the living room until he bought his mattress. It stank to high heaven after each night, so I had to wash the cover and pillows both times. I let it slide.

Fast forward three weeks, and his room is stinking so much that I have to keep all the windows in the house open to get rid of the stench seeping into the whole house—even though he keeps his door closed 24/7. I told him to fix the stench, so all he did was keep his window open 24/7. That day, he did laundry for the first time (a single drum load) and used half a bottle of detergent on it. Afterwards, while drying, it stank to high heaven; even outside, the smell was vomit-inducing. It was a mix of sweat, bacteria, and tons of cologne he uses to cover his stink.

Since the day he moved in, he's had a shower about once every five or six days. His stench of stale sweat was so bad one night after he rolled in from the pub that I told him he stank. He went and showered, then laughed it off by saying, "I know I'm a smelly boy, please tell me things like this." I'm not his damn parent—he's 35, for God's sake. Why should I take responsibility for him keeping himself, his clothes, and his room fresh? He knows he stinks.

Fast forward to this week, two months in: his room still stinks to high heaven. He's done one more single load of washing, which again stank to high heaven while drying (I could see the neighbours wincing at the smell wafting into their house). I felt so embarrassed.

A few times I've had to hold my nose to go into the absolute pigsty his room now is to close the window when I'm going out and he hasn't closed it. Dirty and washed clothes; all stink as bad as each other. Even when he leaves a location, his stench remains.

So what should I do?

  1. Set ground rules: Tell him to wash his clothes, bedding, and towels at least once a week (separately) and get rid of the bacteria/mould with white vinegar and bicarb.
  2. Tell him to get the hell out of my house with zero notice: His stench is just too much.
  3. Give him notice: In the agreement I drew up, I laid out two weeks' notice unless he breaks the terms of the agreement (which he has, by stinking up my entire house).
OP posts:
Narrator1 · Yesterday 21:46

This reply has been deleted

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idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · Yesterday 22:02

Excited101 · Yesterday 15:53

Give him notice. Don’t live like that- it’s revolting and hugely disrespectful that he’s not even trying to do better. I’d be expecting much more from an 18 year old, let alone 35!

if you were feeling very charitable, you could try the ‘you commented about being smelly, it’s become a big issue in the house, I can help support you if you want to change that, but you’ll need to fully work with me on it’ approach… or you can see it as not your problem and send him on his way. Totally your call.

I agree with @Excited101

JMSA · Today 05:43

I would go with the ‘give him notice’ option.

Chickadee26 · Today 06:26

I think you should give him two weeks notice.
How awkward for you though. But you did discuss it before.@

lemonsqueezymissy · Today 07:31

I couldn’t live with that! But I would probably give him a month to sort himself out - set some ground rules - and if he can’t stick to them, give him notice. The fact that he knows but can’t be bothered to do anything about it, is pretty revolting.

Bonkers1966 · Today 07:36

Please give him notice. Shocking.

FirstdatesFred · Today 07:40

Ask him to leave, it’s not working out. You’ve tried to help/be kind by being direct but anything else moves into supporting him and you don’t owe him that. I also doubt his capacity/motivation to change.

RoseOliviaAu · Today 07:43

I don’t think a normal person even who only showers every 5 days can smell that bad. I’d say he has some kind of health issue causing it tbh. Really… the neighbours wince at his washed clothing?

Id give him notice if it’s that bothersome.

PropertyGuy · Today 07:44

IthinkAIBUalot · Yesterday 15:41

Two months ago, I got a lodger. The room was freshly decorated a few days before he moved in. It had furniture for him to use, but no mattress—since I’d just finished decorating, he said he'd buy one he liked, which was great.
He's out most of the time; he spends from dawn to dusk in the pub he works in, and even when he isn't working, he’s drinking there. He comes home at about 1 a.m. and always buys a takeaway. He hasn't cooked a single thing since he moved in (he has never bought any food, apart from a single Pot Noodle). Fine, I'm not bothered by this—he can do what he wants. He's always quiet, so no problems there. The rest of the time he's in his room, quietly on his computer, which is great for me.

However, to me, there is a MAJOR issue.

The first few nights, he slept on the sofa in the living room until he bought his mattress. It stank to high heaven after each night, so I had to wash the cover and pillows both times. I let it slide.

Fast forward three weeks, and his room is stinking so much that I have to keep all the windows in the house open to get rid of the stench seeping into the whole house—even though he keeps his door closed 24/7. I told him to fix the stench, so all he did was keep his window open 24/7. That day, he did laundry for the first time (a single drum load) and used half a bottle of detergent on it. Afterwards, while drying, it stank to high heaven; even outside, the smell was vomit-inducing. It was a mix of sweat, bacteria, and tons of cologne he uses to cover his stink.

Since the day he moved in, he's had a shower about once every five or six days. His stench of stale sweat was so bad one night after he rolled in from the pub that I told him he stank. He went and showered, then laughed it off by saying, "I know I'm a smelly boy, please tell me things like this." I'm not his damn parent—he's 35, for God's sake. Why should I take responsibility for him keeping himself, his clothes, and his room fresh? He knows he stinks.

Fast forward to this week, two months in: his room still stinks to high heaven. He's done one more single load of washing, which again stank to high heaven while drying (I could see the neighbours wincing at the smell wafting into their house). I felt so embarrassed.

A few times I've had to hold my nose to go into the absolute pigsty his room now is to close the window when I'm going out and he hasn't closed it. Dirty and washed clothes; all stink as bad as each other. Even when he leaves a location, his stench remains.

So what should I do?

  1. Set ground rules: Tell him to wash his clothes, bedding, and towels at least once a week (separately) and get rid of the bacteria/mould with white vinegar and bicarb.
  2. Tell him to get the hell out of my house with zero notice: His stench is just too much.
  3. Give him notice: In the agreement I drew up, I laid out two weeks' notice unless he breaks the terms of the agreement (which he has, by stinking up my entire house).

Not really the point of the thread, but where is the bacteria / mould situated?

Goatsarebest · Today 08:01

Sometimes adults who were brought up in very dysfunctional situations have never been taught how to master the basics of hygiene. It might be worth one conversation offering to go through what needs to be done. If he won't engage and implement actions after that then you have to give notice.

IsawwhatIsaw · Today 08:40

Give notice. Clearly he doesn’t care that he stinks and thinks it’s a joke.

Springtimeinsunshine · Today 09:00

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Idk, there are a lot of stinking unwashed males about. Women have been posting for years about the trouble they have getting their school age sons in the shower, I doubt they've suddenly changed into clean men. Or posting about their revolting partners who leave shit stained pants on the floor. It's ery believable (unfortunately).

Floatlikeafeather2 · Today 09:16

I think I smell an awful lot of hyperbole here, OP. I am sure, if he genuinely smelled half as bad as you claim he does, he wouldn't still have a job. His colleagues would have complained by now and probably refused to work with him. Also the bit about the neighbours "wincing" - come on now! If washing of any sort still smells to that extent (as if), I think you have a washing machine problem.

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