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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awkward conversation with close friend- misunderstanding

12 replies

Countbinface39 · Yesterday 15:11

One of my best friends is a singer and I go to many of her shows, not all but many, I know she appreciates the support. Sometimes she can get me on a guest list, other times I buy a ticket which I'm always happy to do.
I've travelled further for some of the shows, but I don't tend to go if tickets are very expensive (e.g. if it's a festival) or if it's the other side of the country, but I'm happy to travel an hour or two.

She mentioned a fairly local show coming up in the next couple of weeks and I said 'Oh great, I'd love to come!".rather than seeming enthusiastic, she actually seemed a bit hesitant and was saying 'oh but there's no guestlist for this, but it may finish quite late, but I don't know what it'll be like yet' .

Rather than push anything I said 'that's ok, I'll give it a miss then.' I think she felt guilty so started saying 'no no come, once I know more I'll let you know'. I didn't know what to make but I said i was honestly ok to leave it and said we'll see what happens.

It later came out that she'd hoped for this one to be a bit more of a networking event but felt she couldn't talk to people as much with 'family and friends there'. I try to be accommodating, I don't expect her to speak to me the whole gig I'm happy to do my own thing and leave after her performance.
She was saying 'it's not that I don't want you there' and I just told her it was fine and I'd leave it. Not sure if I just misread, but I just felt like she was trying to put barriers up.
I do understand the networking thing so I said I'd leave it, I said I didn't need to go to every single gig, I think it's ok now but unsure if I was overthinking?

OP posts:
aliasfrog · Yesterday 15:13

She should have just told you what she wanted. That's on her

Nousernameideaaga · Yesterday 15:14

Overthinking. It’s fine.

She didn’t want you there for this particular one due to networking , but she didn’t want to not tell you the reason. But didn’t know how to say it. And you understood . Both of you have been a good friend.

And you’ll go next time. And she will be glad to have you there ☺️

Countbinface39 · Yesterday 15:14

aliasfrog · Yesterday 15:13

She should have just told you what she wanted. That's on her

I did say to her I was rubbish with hints and preferred her to be honest, but I know it's not always easy

OP posts:
Countbinface39 · Yesterday 15:15

Nousernameideaaga · Yesterday 15:14

Overthinking. It’s fine.

She didn’t want you there for this particular one due to networking , but she didn’t want to not tell you the reason. But didn’t know how to say it. And you understood . Both of you have been a good friend.

And you’ll go next time. And she will be glad to have you there ☺️

Edited

I do understand the reason now she's said it, the thing is when someone tells me 'oh it finishes late' I think, well isn't that my decision to make? It was a bit of an awkward conversation but i think it's ok now.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Yesterday 18:08

Bands don't always get the full details of the gig, sometimes details like the guest list and set times arrives in bits and pieces. If it was more of a networking event, she'd probably worry about you feeling left out whilst she was trying to talk to people about booking new gigs etc.

Im sure she appreciates you coming to gigs. I wouldn't worry about it.

Charys · Yesterday 18:09

It’s hot weather doing your head in. Have a cold drink and forget about it.

Countbinface39 · Yesterday 18:12

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Yesterday 18:08

Bands don't always get the full details of the gig, sometimes details like the guest list and set times arrives in bits and pieces. If it was more of a networking event, she'd probably worry about you feeling left out whilst she was trying to talk to people about booking new gigs etc.

Im sure she appreciates you coming to gigs. I wouldn't worry about it.

I fully understand it, and you're right, I just didn't know at first because it was framed in a different way

OP posts:
JLou08 · Yesterday 18:36

I don't know what the problem is. She wants to network but would feel bad doing this if friends have come so would prefer you didn't come. You understand that so aren't going. Do you not just carry on your friendship as normal from here?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · Yesterday 18:52

Don’t overthink this one OP. She should have handled things a bit better and just said upfront she was doing this gig but it’s really more of a networking opportunity for her. Sounds like you’re a supportive friend.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · Yesterday 19:37

Don't panic, sometimes awkward misunderstandings happen, but it's fine now. She's basically explained it, you totally understand and quite rightly are leaving her to do her thing. Next time she invites you, you'll be clear you're invited fully and you'll have a lovely time, and she'll be grateful for your support. The whole reason it was a bit awkward is that you're kind and really want to support her, and she loves that and realised it wasn't what she needed for this specific gig, but didn't want to hurt your feelings because she cares about you. It's just because you're both being a good friend and appreciate one another. Leave it alone and continue your lovely friendship, don't over think it.

Luckylu123 · Today 02:09

JLou08 · Yesterday 18:36

I don't know what the problem is. She wants to network but would feel bad doing this if friends have come so would prefer you didn't come. You understand that so aren't going. Do you not just carry on your friendship as normal from here?

100%

Isittimeformynapyet · Today 02:26

My reading of the situation is that perhaps she'd like you there, but wanted to hear that you would be entirely supportive of her wanting to be completely free to network without feeling she needs to worry about you feeling left out.

You could always reassure her that she wouldn't have to worry and just ask her what she'd prefer? The people she needs to network with will surely be more impressed with a bigger audience.

Do you always go to her shows on your own? If you were there with another of her friends that would be easier maybe.

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