To wonder when it’s my turn for a break 😢

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Ok, this is probably dramatic but I’m feeling a bit dramatic now and need somewhere to let it out.

This year (like many) has been super busy. I work full time in an emotionally and mentally demanding job (I love it, but it’s tough a lot of the time). I am also studying a degree online to try and better myself for the future (hoping for a better work life balance eventually).

I have 2 DC with SEN one significantly more so than the other. They are growing up now so effectively ‘need’ me less, but also don’t, as keeping on top of their mental health and day to day needs is another full time job in itself, I love them and I wouldn’t change it but I’m never ‘off duty’ even though they should be much more independent now.

I have also been carrying alot of the unseen load at home (money, bills, day to day upkeep).

This week my eldest has now moved out and is health wise better than last week (we ended up in hosp last week), second is away. And then got the good news DSS is not here this week as other parent is off so he’s there for the week. GREAT, I shuffled work diary and asked my boss for 2 last minute days off - agreed. Today I had jobs to catch up on to mentally tick them off. Tomorrow is MY day! I am desperately tired and can’t remember the last time I had a lie in. However now been informed DP is off out early - not great but I could go back to sleep as it’s early like 6am. However also now apparently DSS is being dropped here around 8am to be picked up by someone, this will be later (like my normal wake up time, and will also wake the dog who will then want to go for a walk) I won’t be able to get back to sleep at this time so will be awake 😩

it just seems like everytime i try to catch a break, something trumps it and it gets taken away. And I’m so fed up of being bottom of the pile.

Im trying to be kind because you sound at the end of the line but the pick up is brief after which you have the whole day to yourself after walking the dog?

I think you are over reacting personally. Walk the dog, go back to bed. If you cant sleep get up but relax and enjoy your day. This is a small part of a whole day off, try to keep some perspective if you can

OP, I hear you, it sucks. Usually my DP just smiles and nods and doesn’t do a lot more until I end up crying/snapping/etc and then he’ll actually get it. If you can, I really would book a hotel and/or cry. Or yell. If you never lose your shit, when you do, people tend to take you seriously.

I’d go, I said last year a couple of times that needed a night away on my own and dp laughed. I was doing a lot at work and a lot fro the kids and I came back and asked who the fuck he thought he was to laugh at my being exhausted, listed the home load he wasn’t doing or really supporting on. He booked me a lovely cottage for a night, if he hadn’t I would have but I was very pleasantly surprised he listened.

thanks guys. I would have gone away for the night but I was only told about this at around 9pm last night so no time to plan ahead for that.

I got to sleep late, as as another poster said I was then raging about knowing I’ll be woken up. As predicted I have been woken up by the dog barking to the door and now wanting to go out. So looks like I’m getting up 😖

Totally get this, and agree. It’s really not the end of the world. I think it’s just a final thing on top of everything else that paints a bigger picture.

that picture is I am not important enough to be prioritised. Which sucks. I will be taking the rest of the day to myself to do things I want to do.

Stop being such a matyr. There are 2 other functional people in the house who could walk the dog.
OR you do it yourself and go back to bed.
OR DH drops it at daycare / kennels.
If all you have to do tomorrow is walk the dog then that’s still a break.

And for the future, train it to be less rude.

The first person who needs to prioritise you, is you!

Send the dog to kennels overnight if it’s important.

after reading all your posts, I’ll say what I tentatively said at the beginning - you do not have to be in this relationship, you are choosing to be. If it’s not making you happy, and it doesn’t seem to, then you can leave the relationship.

That’s the plan for the rest of the day! I think I may even place my phone on do not disturb!

Thankyou. I agree, and do think I have reached that stage. And it’s not about this one thing. It’s a bigger picture of lots of other bits.

definitely not happy right now. And really do need to just put myself first for some time.

Not going to argue this as I do think there is an element of this cause I’m just fed up of having to ask.

both functional adults won’t walk the dog DP won’t be here and won’t walk him first. And DSS will be waiting to be picked up as soon as he arrives so won’t be able to walk him in case the guy turns up. So really there is only me who will do it. I’ve been woken up anyway so to be honest the actual walking part doesn’t really matter it’s more that I didn’t want to be being woken up.

and yes I still will be taking my break for the rest of the day. And I am thankful for that.

dog is relatively well trained and I don’t blame him for wanting to go out at his normal time if he is woken up. That’s just the dog being a dog. He is a needy breed and likes to be with his people which 99% of the time isn’t an issue. Barking when someone knocks/enters the house and he can’t see them is also usual and I don’t blame him for that either.

How old is DSS? Do you have to be awake ? He must be quite old , by the sounds of it ..can't he let himself in?

He is 15 and yes will let himself in. Issue is unlocking the door, opening/closing it (teenagers are never quiet) will wake the dog (it did) who will then bark and wake me. Idea of having today off was that the house would be quiet until at least 9/10am so I could actually just sleep undisturbed.

I had ear plugs in, but ddog sleeps on the bed so any barking still wakes me unfortunately and as I don’t sleep well, once I’m awake that’s it I’m awake.

Usually I would be oh well life is just life. But having specifically reorganised my work diary and then taken a precious days leave for it is what’s really annoyed me. If it was just a work day or a weekend then whatever. But having sacrificed a days leave for 1 lie in for it to be taken away by something unecessary just really pissed me off

Yes this! Book into a hotel and enjoy the peace and quiet

I don't know why everyone thinks hotels are quiet up to 9am. I would expect noisy neighbours and corridors way before 9.

Whilst accepting I couldn’t do it in my 20s or 30s, and having now been very happily single for over a decade, I wouldn’t be in a relationship if I wasn’t their priority, it’s not good enough. I would rather be peacefully single.

And also, regards to him being picked up, I also wouldn’t be in a relationship where I couldn’t say to people and have it adhered to ‘I really fancy and need a proper lie in. Can you wait outside the house please for your mate, cos any noise will wake me up?’ It is so disrespectful that they ignore and dismiss your clear needs.

I live in a house with just girls (my nearly adult daughters) and we communicate wants/needs, accommodate those where possible if no impact, and don’t judge; and tbh it’s bliss.

What does your partner say about it ?

If he is 15, and you've done all this planning , I'd have thought your partner would see how disappointed you are and try to get his ex to rearrange it. If not, he's not much of a partner to you, is he ?

Yes I think I would be fine single and by myself to be honest. My job is very busy and people orientated so I am speaking to others all day.

I also have lots of friends and good family, and my DC of course.

and I think I am starting to see it’s not worth it. I would really expect DSS to wait outside. I just think it was needed, and his mum could have dropped him off to where he needed to be. They don’t live that far away (15 min drive from us) so potentially could have even been picked up from there. I just think this was more convenient for everyone and less work for anyone else. So I was put back to the bottom of the pile again.

hotel

Is this your final straw moment? Because I seriously think it needs to be as you seem so run down as to be practically invisible to the rest of your family, and that is not good for you emotionally and psychologically.

Either start kicking off and make yourself visible so they HAVE to consider you in their plans, or start the process of leaving a very unrewarding relationship. Whose house is it?

I think it probably is to be honest. One of those small things that just shows you what you already know if you see what I mean.

I am definitely tired. Would have much more time to myself and to relax on my own to be honest!

Its my house, so no issues there. It’s just summoning up the energy to actually walk away (metaphorically).

Very happy to hear it’s your house op, that makes things easier. If you can afford to live there without whatever his contribution is, fab. If not, there’s better ways around it that putting up with this shit.

Its my house, so no issues there. It’s just summoning up the energy to actually walk away (metaphorically).

Oh that is excellent news! What do you think will give you the energy to speak to DP? I suppose you could try the PA route first by packing/collecting all his belongings into one corner of the hallway and let him ask you what's happening. Or putting his pj's and clothes into DSS bedroom 🤔

I know I took forever speaking about divorce with H. Walking into the room then walking straight out lol. I ended up thinking that living in this state of fear/uncertainty was actually worse than spitting it all out. I framed it as the relationship not working for either of us, that neither of us were happy, and that it was time we parted ways. Then I said I would let him think about it overnight and we would discuss the practicalities the next day, and then I left the room. It worked, we had no arguments or tears or recriminations. Would framing it that way work for you too do you think?

Why does DSS even have to come inside if he's being picked up straight away?